JAMES sticks one foot out in front of him.

JAMES: Magnanimously Oh, no! I'm terribly sorry! I hope that you haven't twisted your ankle…Why, yes those are very nice shoes…Bending to look at them Yes, now that you meantion it, I suppose I do see a bit of a scuff there…Nervous laugh Sorry about that. She has walked away, he calls after her Okay then, bye. Sighs. This isn't working. Tripping them just scuffs their shoes and then they get mad at you.

Hey there, I can see myself in you mirror…No, that's not right! Jeez. Why didn't I just let that little skinny girl with the pink bows be my girlfriend when we were in first grade? Then I'd be better at this.

Okay. I tried charming, I tried sleazy… not very successfully, mind you, but I tried. Sleazy always gets me all flustered.

Why am I even doing this? I could be doing something productive right now. I could be doing homework…No, let's be honest, if I wasn't doing this, I wouldn't be doing that either. Reading a good book…oh, the same, who has time to read? There's life out there to be lived- Shouting down the hall after previously passing girls I'm trying to live life here, and you're not cooperating!

N-no, sir. Nothing. Not yelling about anything. No, certainly not at you, sir…Yes, sir, I'll stop calling you sir, sir…Well, I was yelling at those girls…Well, no, of course I don't usually yell at girls. I don't usually even talk to girls. Well, that's why I was yelling at them, they wouldn't talk to me…Well, no, I guess I wouldn't want to talk to someone who yells at me either, sir-His collar is grabbed-Hank! Hank, I meant. Yes. He is released, he straightens his shirt. He calls after Hank. Bye then!

Fine. Girls hate me, guys hate me…well, Hank hates me…Maybe I need a hobby. I could just forget all about girls…Right? Yeah! I've always liked clay…I could take up sculpting! Venus de Milo, LaBossier's Basking, and all those great Greek statues with the…Dang it!

How about a sport? Maybe basketball…or tennis…or beach volleyball. To passing girl. Hey, do you like beach volleyball?…No, I guess it's not really the season for it. Why? He shrugs. Why not? No, actually, I'm giving up on women…not that I really have a lot to give up or anything…They don't listen to me.

Yeah, I suppose you're listening to me right now… Listen…would you like to go for coffee? Yeah?…Great! James begins walking off left with girl. Lights out.

JAMES: Wait…You're a cat person?

Lights up. JAMES storms off right.