4In the Rain: Lies (Romance, Angst)
Rating: K+
Summary: He left because I lied to him. He left because I didn't trust him. He left me because I couldn't love him enough to tell him. And now I pay for it.
Dedicated to my wonderful members at ROD and my dear prongsie
A/N: Tnx for the people who reviewed. I'm sorry for my absence but I'm busy (as always) and I couldn't find time to write. Sorry again.
Anyways, on with the story!
Note: The rest of the chapters will be flashbacks (what happened two years ago) and I won't italicize them. I'll tell you when I stop writing in flashbacks.
Disclaimer: "Drown" by Three Days Grace ain't mine.
Coke isn't mine either. It's a disturbing substance.
Drown
Good morning day
Sorry I'm not there
But all my favorite friends
Vanished in the air
It's hard to fly when you can't even run
Once I had the world, but now I've got no one
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
And save myself before I drown….drown
My body ached for freedom. I was getting claustrophobic in the small space in the tiny car. My mom was driving - something she hasn't done in fifteen years. I would have driven if I knew. I don't see the point of learning how to drive if I can't even afford a car. Sure, I had a job but that was for college!
My hands clenched at the sides of the box my pen-pal gave me. It was only a letter and a few pictures of her latest injury but it made my day. Specially today.
Several days ago, my mother had surprised me with a plan. We're going to a beach where her friend had a beach house. That stupid woman. I'm talking about my mother, of course. Agreeing to it so fast without my consent. I'd tried to plead with her to let me stay with my dad but he was somewhere in New Zealand filming his latest escapade. Grr…
I re-read the letter again.
Dear Matey,
Jane, I've got great news! I know you like letters more than e-mails so I sent it in a letter, obviously. I'm going to make this quick: we're moving!
Guess where? There! Cool, isn't it?
Well, it isn't exactly where you live, just near there. We're finished this year's school already, so there's no problem with that.
We're starting at Buckworth Academy. Isn't that your school?
Well in other news, my older brother's going to college. So Nick's the only problem now!
(Evil laugh)
He's vacationing with my dadl, though, right now. I didn't even get to go!
It was a lottery. My dad only got one promo thing. You know when he plays badminton…
We suggested that mom should go, but she has a business meeting in Florida.
What's happening with you? What'd you get for your birthday?
Anyways, reply!
Your pen-pal,
Cap'ain.
She wasn't really named Captain. It was just a nickname for her. After the third re-read, I was far too agitated.
"Are we there yet?" I asked. I was starting to sound very whiney.
"Yes we are. Of course we are," she replied. Wow. She was sarcastic.
I groaned and started hitting my head against the window. I happened to glance at the clouds. They were a dark and grey. Excellent.
My mother noticed them too but her face turned sour.
"Jane, do you think it's going to rain soon? 'Cause we're nearly there," she said. Yes, it's going to rain, mother. How can it not? The clouds were low and grey.
"Yes. Why do you ask?" I replied, smiling behind her back. Ha!
"I was hoping I'd get a little time in the sun…," she trailed off aimlessly. I shrugged. Oh well. It was going to rain!
The sun was beating down on me. Damn you raging ball of fire!
It didn't rain, after all. Only a few raindrops then a short thunderstorm. It was a blinding hot day today and I couldn't resist going near the beach. As much as I hate it, it was sort of beautiful. The sea was a shimmery deep blue. My favorite color. If I knew how to swim, I'd be in it now.
I was sitting in one of those dock things. It jutted out from the beach a bit and if I went in the water from here, it would be deeper than from the beach. Obviously. I could drown if I slip but that didn't bother me. This place wasn't really that bad. It was no tourist spot. There were only three neighbors, two of which were gone. The house (my mother's friend's little cottage) was surrounded by forest and only a mile away from the beach.
I pulled the cuffs of my long sleeves to my wrists as I heard voices behind me. They were probably the people that owned the cabin farthest away from my mom's friend's. They usually went boating or fishing or whatever. I would be in their way. Ah well.
Anyways, tomorrow was going to rain, I think. I heard on the radio (no TV here) that it was. Good. I didn't get my dose yesterday. Besides, by tomorrow I'd probably die of boredom or girly activities. My mom was with her friend all the time, getting pampered in the nearest shopping center. I've been putting off going with them, afraid they might paint my toenails. Ugh. Or get my hair done… or … take me shopping for a dress or -
My line of thought was cut off as something hard pushed me. What the he -?
I was suddenly caught by the current. I took a deep breath before the water took me under. Water filled my ears and thrashes around aimlessly. I couldn't swim - never learned how to. And the current was too strong.
Maybe this was my time. Huh, I've had a good run… yes.
Ha ha! Who was I kidding? My parents stayed together because of me in misery for god knows how long.
I didn't fit in anywhere.
I didn't know who I am…
How the hell did I end up dying, anyways?
My oxygen was depleting fast and I couldn't think anymore.
Oof!
Something hit me. Hard. Huh, maybe it was the poles the held up the dock. Maybe I'd get killed by the neighbor's boat or something…
Yes, that would be better than being drowned… Ha ha ha!
Huh, maybe derangement came before death…
A/N: Ha ha. Want me to continue?
Lol, you didn't think I'd actually stop there?
Bright light tried to penetrate eyelids as I choked. Something was thumping on my chest. I could still hear the rhythm of the sea.
Ebb, flow, ebb, flow.
But they sounded far away. Maybe I was dead. Probably.
But where was the bright light coming from? I couldn't be in heaven, could I? I never did anything good … then again, I never made any major sins … well maybe one…
I started to hear something.
"Breathe, damn you," it said. It sounded deep and smooth. An angel, maybe? Come to make me go back down and under, maybe. Yes, that was it.
"Come on, you can't die. Damn, damn, damn. What will I do? I'll have to bury you in the woods - No! I'll let you drift in the water… - No! I'll burn you in a boat like the Vikings… Or I could chop you up in pieces and bury them separately; I already have a knife here!" The angel's voice was rambling. Well, he (I assumed he was male because of his deep voice) didn't seem like an angel. There was a goofy and playful tone at the edges of his voice. I decided it was time to wake up and ask some questions… Like why wasn't I dead?
"Idiot, I'm not dead yet." My voice was raspy and hardly coherent. I barely understood what I said! Opening my eyes, I saw my angel. He certainly looked like one, except for the goofy smile that was spreading through his face.
His face was slightly jaded and light brown. His hair seemed to gleam in the sun. I could see red bits standing out from the mass of dark brown. His eyes were a bright blue - like the water.
I tried to sit up but something was holding me down. I blinked against the brightness of the sunlight. My body was numb but warm.
I blinked again and understood. He was holding me down with his arms. Huh, it felt so nice here. Maybe I could drift off again …
My head snapped up as he spoke.
"Hey, are you alright?" he asked, eyebrows furrowing. I shook my head, spraying us with a shower of water. Oh well, we were already wet…
"What happened?" I asked my own. Ugh. My throat hurt from all the choking. I sat there wet and in the arms of a stranger.
" Well… umm … you were … drowning and … umm … I pulled you out," he said, rubbing the back of his neck, still holding me with one arm. He seemed too anxious though.
"Err… thanks, okay?" I said, sounding very confused. Why the hell would he save me? He's just a neighbor.
I tried to think it through as he stood up and offered me his hand nervously. He seemed slightly afraid, tensed.
Hmm, there was something there… something he wasn't saying… Oh!
I grasped his hand and gasped in pain. I saw blood trickling down from my left wrist. His eyes looked at me in horror and quickly tried to pull back my sleeve.
I yanked back my hand, afraid that he saw but his blue eyes only filled with bewilderment. My system filled with rage and I stood up, wobbling. His hands shot out automatically, grasping my forearm. I pulled away again and he seemed to know what was going to happen.
Oh boy, he wouldn't even know the start of it.
"You pushed me off the dock!" I said, my voice loud and shrieky, still cradling my arm. He stepped back, eyes trying to portray the message that he was sorry, but it was slightly marred with anger and confusion.
"Well, it was an accident," he started to say.
"I could have drowned," I roared in an accusatory tone. Well it was true.
"Yes, but I didn't let you!" Defending. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what. I should be thanking him but it wasn't in my nature. Either way, I was far too angry to do that.
I stomped away, trying to fight the urge to hurt him. Muttering under my breath, I stormed to the house. I knew he was following when I heard the squelching sounds of his feet. I tried to walk faster but his stupid long legs gave him an advantage. Fuck him.
"Whoa, stop. Here, I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to push you over the ledge - I just wasn't thinking," he uttered, seeming ashamed.
Well he should be. And with that excuse, 'not thinking'. Snort. I could make up of a better one!
He suddenly pulled me back by my arm (that was not connected to the broken and bloodied hand), making me face him. I wanted to smash his nose up his face but it already looked slightly crooked.
Hmm, what happened to him? I started thinking up of things that might have done that, but the crook was slightly graceful. Like it seemed to be there from the start. Maybe he was born that way…
I snapped out of my reverie when I caught the motion of his head. He was shaking it! My hand shook and I stepped away from him again. But he held me fast against his toned chest.
"Will you let me finish please?" he asked, blue eyes delving down into mine. I shuddered. I didn't want to let him know what power he was having on me, so I nodded. Good thing I responded because he let me go, or else I would have melted right there and then.
Hmm, I was never one for swooning over people… but hey, I guess things change.
"I am very sorry about pushing you off the dock, I couldn't see. The sun was shining so bright and I wasn't expecting anyone. So sorry," he told me, shifting awkwardly. I didn't move.
"Are you so stupid that you would believe that I would believe that?" I replied, quite vehemently. His eyebrows shot up. I stared straight ahead.
"Are you so ignorant that you'd think I would take that comment and just ignore it?" he said. I put my hand on my hip and stared at him. After a moment, he sighed at me and threw his arms up in exasperation.
"Something is very wrong with you."
"Hey, buddy! I know that something is wrong with me. Well, nothing was wrong with my hand before, but now you pushed me off the dock causing me to fall and hurt my hand against something!" I retorted, poking his chest.
"Hey! I gave you my excuse!" Ouch. His chest was pretty hard for such a goofy sounding guy.
"Which is hardly believable, asshole." Well, it was …. Wasn't it?
He stayed silent and so did I.
The silence was getting longer and more awkward. I couldn't handle it anymore. So, I turned around, still cradling my hand which was burning, and left him there. If he knew what was best for him, he'd stay away.
Apparently, my hand wasn't broken. It was just a sprain and some cuts. Meh. I've had worse.
The clinic in the town was small and cramped. I was glad to leave the place. The yellow walls and the claustrophobic rooms were making me sick.
I decided to go to the Cookies & Smoothies bar I saw before, in town. My dear old mother gave me enough money to buy a drink. But not a delicious, chocolate chip cookie. Sigh. Of course I wasn't that obsessed with them. It was only the fact that they were so addictive and oh so cho-co-la-ty. Drool …
I leaned against wall when I got my drink. Coke - ugh. I didn't particularly like it. It stings and hurts my tongue! They say it isn't healthy. The hell I care. It was far too … chkksh. I don't like it, nor do I hate it.
A shadow fell across my can of Coke and I looked up in surprise.
Damn it. It was him again.
He cocked an eyebrow at me, a skeptic expression crossing his godlike features. I'd never admit that to him though. What was he doing standing here, anyways.
"What the hell do you want?" I asked, irritated. He was interrupting my 'Jane' time.
"I wanted to apologize - again."
"Oh yes, because the last time that happened, it went so well," I said sarcastically. His arms crossed in front of his chest.
"Will you please let me finish? You've been in my mind for the past few days so much, I couldn't think."
Wow. Either he is a good liar or he just has a very good conscience.
"Like -" He held up a hand to stop me.
"Please?" he pleaded. His eyes turned remorseful and I nodded, quite regretfully. Drat his charm.
"Alright, continue."
"I am sorry for pushing you off the dock and nearly killing you. I know you think I'm joking about the sun and me not be able to think. But it's true. I wasn't able to think. I've been so bored these past days I thought you were a mirage," he concluded with a laugh. I couldn't help but laugh too. That excuse was way funnier than that other one.
"So, do you forgive me?" There he is again with his charm.
I tried to think it through. Options ... let's see.
A: I could let him go … Nah!
B: Have my fun with him and torture him with his conscience … That would be fun.
C: …
He said something, interrupting my thoughts.
"Err, what?"
"I'll buy you a smoothie and all," He said, smiling goofily.
"Make it a double chocolate chip cookie and you have yourself a deal."
I stretched my leg under the table.
We had been sitting in the coffee shop talking and munching on cookies for a while now. He was eating his second while I was munching on my twelfth. He had stared at me when I ordered my tenth cookie. He didn't seem perturbed or irked by the fact that I was spending his money. He seemed rich, though. We also drank smoothies and blueberry, apparently, was his favorite.
My leg was in pins and needles and I stretched further to relieve it. It was in contact with something.
"Damnit!" I cursed silently, again.
It had been the third time that happened. He wasn't disturbed by it though. The first time my leg brushed up against his, I saw no change in his features.
"… So there's only me and my dad," he continued to prattle on. I smiled tentatively at him. His life seemed so exciting. He'd been skiing and snowboarding, been to Europe and Asia, done almost anything I'd love to do. Except for the going to India, it's far too hot there.
"What about school or family?" I asked, itching to stand up.
"Erm, I don't really know my school right now. We're moving and my family's pretty wacky, so I won't go into details," he paused, then added. "Do you mind if we go, now? My legs are killing me!"
I laughed and stood up, relieved.
On our way back, a lightning storm started. I didn't really want to spend my time with this guy, but after him buying me so many cookies, I couldn't help but offer for him to stay a while (I know I'm not supposed to invite strangers to my mom's friend's beach house, but the last days were very boring!). He agreed, much to my surprise.
As I opened the door to the house, I heard him slam his door (of his dad's car) and run up the path. I waved him in but as he ran in, he slipped and grabbed my hand in support. I shrieked in pain as he grabbed my injured arm and pulled me on top of him. I could hear him breathing heavily, like I was, but my heavy breathing started to turn into a growl.
"You again. You're going to kill me someday, I swear!" I shouted as I pushed myself off. The lightning flashed and I saw him, his angel's face looking ashamed. He smiled goofily like last time. My heart thumped - I was not sure whether it was from the fall and pain or his goofy smirk. Probably the latter. Humph.
"Sorry," he muttered, jumping up. I glared at him for a moment, then smirked back.
"HA! You'll have to buy me another dozen chocolate chip cookies" Gloating - good.
He grimaced at me. Hm, he looked cute even then - wait, what?!
"How about I tell you why I really accidentally pushed you last week?" He countered.
Shrugging, (but I was really curious) I went to the living room opening the light as I went, leaving small puddles behind me.
After a minute, he appeared and leaned against the doorway. I raised my eyebrows.
"Don't laugh, but I am really, and I mean really, clumsy," he kept his eyes down.
Rolling over on the couch, I was in hysterics. Clumsy! Maybe that was why he sounded foolish and his smile was so goofy.
"I told you not to laugh," he exclaimed, but he was smiling.
"Yes well, when you spring something like that on me, I can't help it. Besides, I never swore." I was still gasping.
He waited for my laughter to subside.
"Yes, I am super clumsy, alright?"
"Is that why you have a slightly crooked nose?" I asked. He scratched it, subconsciously.
"Well, no. Er, yes … a bit. It was more my sister's fault. She's clumsier than me. Basically, her bike sort of pushed me off the red wagon, hurling me right onto the swings," he replied.
"Huh. Is that why you have a goofy smile too?" Oops.
"Noooo…" He trailed off, the right side of his lip slightly pulling up making an uneven smile and his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. He looked so ridiculous; I was thrown into another fit of laughter.
"What?" Another light of lightning flashed through the curtains. He jumped up slightly, and I couldn't stop laughing.
"Does that not scare you?" He had such a strange accent, I suddenly noticed. It wasn't American or Asian. It seemed like Scottish but milder.
I shook my head. "I live in that kind of weather. I love the rain."
"You love the rain? I never really liked it." Damn, and I was starting to like this guy.
"Why not?"
"Because, I don't like being wet and I get sick really easily." He smiled again.
"Of course but it feels so refreshing and numbing at the same time." I was shocked, shocked at myself for telling this stranger my passion.
He nodded. "I suppose…"
"Plus, I have insomnia, it helps when I get bad -"
Honk, Honk. "Jane dear!"
I spun around.
Oh dear god, I forgot about my mother.
I pushed him towards the back door, not wanting my mother to see him.
A - I would be so embarrassed. My mother did that a lot.
B - I wouldn't know what to say to my mom's friend.
C - Er…
"Go!" Pushing him again and he hurried. I saw his face, full of understanding and sporting that goofy smile I was starting to like. I smiled back, glad that something stopped me. Stopped me from something I would have regretted later.
"So, what else do you do around here?" I asked him as he sat beside me.
We were currently on the dock, talking. I'd been sitting there for the past three hours, daydreaming and fretting. It was the last day of this one week vacation and I was, uncharacteristically, sad. I think part of it was that school was nearer. The other part was that I was going to miss this stranger, who was beside me.
"Err, nothing really. Swimming, fishing and boating mostly," he replied.
"Really? That seems sort of boring."
"Well, I draw sometimes but it's just so damn hot out here. And the sun isn't even out!" He was right. And I knew rain would come in a few minutes.
"Ha, you aren't used to the sun are you?"
"No. How the hell do you do it? You sit there for hours with freakin' long sleeves," he exclaimed. I shrugged.
It was true. The cuffs of my sleeves were pulled down to my wrist but he was wearing no more than shorts. I couldn't help but ogle at his chest.
I shrugged at him, leaning back on my arms. I touched the paper I was writing earlier on. I was answering my pen-pal's letter and looking at the scrapbook, with nothing else to do. He looked at them and frowned.
"What?" He didn't answer my questions but asked one of his own.
"May I see those?" He didn't wait for an answer but reached out and grabbed the scrapbook but not the letter. Thank God!
I stared at the sky as the first few raindrops started to fall. Yes!
He was suddenly laughing. I just stared at him in confusion.
"So, who is this anyway?" The laughter was still in his voice but he was trying, and failing, to cover it.
"Oh, a girl I met on the internet. Basically she's my pen-pal, her name's Violet." I shrugged again. He continued to laugh.
"What?" but my words were drowned out by the sudden downpour of rain. I stood up and let the raindrops slide down my face. He also stood up.
"Aww, shit." I heard, muffled by the precipitation.
"Look, I have to go," he said, a hint of (well I think it is) sadness crept into his voice.
"Oh," was my genius response.
He was walking away.
"Had a nice time here… Jane." He was laughing again.
I suddenly realized that I never told him my name before and he certainly hasn't.
"Hey! What's your name?" He chose to ignore me but just smiled goofily.
"I'll see you later!" There was an undercurrent to his words.
I smiled at him and stood there. Ah well. It can't all end in a fairytale way.
At least it's raining.
A/N: He he. Erm … sorry?
I know this isn't very well written (and rushed sounding), but give me a break! Please. I've had a rather hectic last few months. Let me tell you, running a forum by yourself is so frustrating.
You see what happened here? Lol, I think you know. It's not that great. I was originally planning a different approach but I had no time. I think this is better though, so be thankful! Jk.
There's not a lot that happened, but yes, something has been set up, ne?
It's really unrealistic at some points, but, I'm sorry, I'm really a fantasy world girl. Besides, I think I'm going to set this in an AU universe because I am planning for the sequel of the sequel… oops. Ah well. Nothing was spoiled.
If you have any suggestions, please include it in your review or PM me. I know I could work on a lot of things, I should be, but I have no time. If you think it is really important, don't hesitate to ask.
Constructive criticism is very much welcome but I don't like flames.
Review!
Visit the Realm of Dreamers! Jk. Sorry, couldn't help it.
/glomps to death/
Yours,
EpicDreamer
P.S. I think I'll be editing the last chapters (before this) sometime, 'cause I was reading over them and they have little bits that need to be change. I didn't check this chapter much and it is rather choppy, but it's longer than what I usually write. I promise to make it up to you.