There is a feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their life. It is the feeling that you know where you are and want to be nowhere else. Like you body is full of the sweet vibrations of music and your veins are running with honey. You just feel relaxed and nostalgic. Everything smells good and tastes good and sounds good. Like floating on a cloud. This feeling is inevitable, it happens to everyone and there's no avoiding it. It will just come upon you. Once, maybe twice, maybe three thousand times. I don't know if there is a name for this feeling, but to me, it's the best feeling in the world.

Let me start off by saying that I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. It's flowing out of me, stream of consciousness. I was just sitting alone, trying to think of something to do when it just hit me that I should start writing. I don't want to specify details like age and hair color because I find that corny and also seems a bit self-centered or something. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins you know. Not that I really go by that. I was raised as a Catholic, but I'm starting to fall out of it. It's just that I don't really believe in many of their principles and rules anymore. I've decided to label myself as a Spiritualist. My friend told me about the term and it seems to fit me.

Well I'm sitting in my grandmother's computer room. It's Thanksgiving and I'm hiding from them all. I just really don't feel too thankful towards them. My voice teacher (it's weird but she gives me advice and things like that) told me that I should tell everyone in my life something that I'm thankful for them doing. Well I can't really do that with some people, because I don't want to see that satisfaction on their faces when they hear me telling them something nice about themselves. Does that make sense? They just piss me off. Like right now, they are all playing spoons and all I can heard is my athletic cousin laughing his ass off, as loud as he can possibly manage. I just really don't want to be around people today. Holidays sketch me out.

I'm applying for a job soon, then I'll save up money and be able to go places when I'm pissed. I have my own car and license but gas money is a problem. It'll be great when I'm able to just jump in my car when I'm pissed off. Who knows where I'll go. I'll drive to some shopping center and park and just watch all the people walking around arguing and talking and eating and laughing. That pleases me sometimes. Or perhaps I'll go to a friends house and bake cookies while venting. That sounds like fun. Maybe I'll just go and kill the people pissing me right now. JESUS CHRIST THEY'RE LOUD. I'm ready to leave. I'm sure my mother is too. We usually distance ourselves during family events unless they're at her family's house. Right now, we're at my fathers' family's house. It's a load of fun. Actually is wasn't too bad until they ran out of food and started playing cards and video games.

I really don't like video games. Well no, certain video games. I like the corny mystery ones and the little kid style ones, but these new fangled ones just frustrate me. Maybe I don't like them because I'm bad at them. I have other reasons though. People that play video games talk about them 24/7 like they are really important issuses, or discuss them in deep thoughts like they are really complex books. It frustrates me because I can never understand what is so fascinating about them. They talk with great esteem and "macho-ness" when these games are discuss

Gamer1: Hey, did you check out that new game for the playstation?

Gamer2: YEAH! Dude it's so kick ass!

Gamer1: I KNOW MAN! I'm at level 6!

Gamer2: Psssshhh. I passed that DAYS ago. I finished it last night.

Gamer1: Yeah man? Didja get the super secret ending?

Gamer2: Yeah dude. It took me FOREVER. I had to defeat the dungeon lord 8 times with the bow of Cervis. OH! DIDJA KNOW THERE'S A CHEAT TO SEE THE TEMPTRESS' TITS?

Gamer1: WHAT!? What is it?

Gamer2: X, X, O, Triangle, X.

Gamer1: Awesome dude.

I mean really, is that terribly interesting? I don't understand. I've heard them go on about it for HOURS. Then if they don't grow out of it, they end up living in their mothers' basement stuck in their childhoods. They are the ones who end up as child-predators and such. I'll never understand any of that really. These are a few of the reasons I don't fit in with my family. Most of their personalities are exactly like that. I suppose I'm just a lost soul.