TWO SPOONS

Have you ever been in a nasty fight with the one you love more than your own life?

This is how it happened.

The happily married couple that sees eye-to-eye about everything, that is what everyone says about us. We usually are. There is the rare occasion when our 'eyes get crossed,' so to speak, and we disagree. When we disagree, we DISAGREE.

Our personalities clash like two wine glasses extended full arms length from your sides, swinging in front of you and meeting in the middle. Shattered glass of emotion flies everywhere.

My sarcasm level goes off the charts. I'm not listening anymore. I want to say the worst things to make you feel bad. I don't know why I do it, it's how I fight and I hate that about myself.

She says the nastiest things that you can possibly say. It gets meaner than either of us intended. Hearts get more broken by the minute, and I lock up the emotion. I know by acting like I don't care, it will piss her off more.

We distance ourselves from each other. Maybe overnight, one sleeps on the couch.

The next day, there is barely acknowledging each other, until someone breaks the ice. The fighting starts again, but at least this time there's talking…

We don't even make eye contact, for the most part, until the talking starts. I'm still pissed and she still hates me. I love her with all of my heart, though I just wish that she would see my side and understand me. I never thought, even at the worst time of the fight, of not being with her anymore. We've been together for so long, I thought that we could make it through anything.

It seems like the same issues keep resurfacing and starting the fights.

But I fear that she wants out of the relationship. I was acting like a dick. I said a lot of mean, insensitive things. I drive her crazy with my attitudes. She DOES hate me.

Let's just work it out.

I'm tired of "I'm sorry." It doesn't mean anything anymore, she tells me.

I don't want to hurt you. I just get pissed and the barriers go up once my feelings are hurt.

So I'm bending. I apologize. Does she still love me? She's cold. Distant. Giving me the short answers. I tell her that I love her still with everything that I have and I get "pshh" with the hand. Save it.

Is it really over? She's eating ice cream, not acknowledging me.

Something tells me to look down. I look back at her, and she says flatly, "In case you wanted some."

I look back down at the two spoons and smile.