4Death. It's not fair, or right or wrong for that matter. It just is. It's a part of life. The end of it. But what some people don't think about are those that are left behind. The ones that have to deal with the fact that someone they love is gone. That they will never hear their voice, their laugh, see them cry, hug or kiss them again. It's lonely, and sad, and the feelings will never go away. You can bury them, I know I've tried, but they will always be there, just below the surface, ready to come charging to the surface when you least expect it. I don't know if I believe in life after death, not completely. But I have to have at least a little faith in it, because I can't stand the thought that everything she had ever done, ever was is just gone. It hurts, everyday it hurts and I wake up thinking, hoping, praying it was all just a dream that I'll go into the living room and she'll be there, sleeping on the couch, or drinking her coffee. I wasn't the nicest to her on that last day. And If I could go back and change it I would. I would tell her how much I love her, and how sorry I am forever being mean to her. I'd go back and play that board game with her. I'd do everything right that I did wrong. But I realize that I can't, and that I have to live with the mistakes I made. I have to live, and try to be happy again. I know I will always miss her, and that I will never forget. A piece of me is missing, and I will never get it back.
I love you Mommy. I always will. Know that I miss you, and that I wish you were here again. I will never forget you.
Not quite sure what made me post it, but it was sitting on the computer begging to be posted. I'm not sure when I'll post anything else, UD has half a chapter written.
Much love,
Carly