View from a Shopping Cart

A/N: This is a silly story I wrote a while ago – dedicated to a few good friends of mine, who are the crazily dressed people in the story. It's a bit of an inside joke – sorry if it doesn't make sense. I'll try to explain.

The oddly dressed people are people who were just that – oddly dressed in celebration of the release of the new Harry Potter book. This event (described at the end of the story) did in fact take place; a few of my friends and I were dressed up as Luna Lovegood, Bellatrix Lestrange, Professor Umbridge and Professor Trelawney, respectively. We had gone to buy the book late at night; this did occur; we were quite hyper. (Remember this is a long time ago.) The whole shopping cart scene is what inspired the perspective of this story; I wondered what the shopping cart would be thinking, as we meddled with it so nonsensically.

Anyway… now that my summary's almost longer than the actual story, you can begin reading.


View from a Shopping Cart

If you were a shopping cart, what would you be thinking?

I rattled against the cart in front of me as yet another customer wheeled me away to carry some load. On my way past the register, I heard No.32 laughing at me.

"Easy job for me today," he bragged. "Two copies of the new Harry Potter book, and they were done shopping! Have fun…" his voice trailed off as I rolled away. No.32 was more of a heavy-duty cart, and so was extremely egotistical.

Being a shopping cart, I saw some interesting things. People put all kinds of odd objects in my basket. Food, toilet products, babies, purses, clothes, shoes, money, gum, not to mention that jumbo sized kid who stood on the bar above my front wheels last week. That had hurt. That didn't even cover the things I had been pushed over: the floor of WalMart always had empty candy wrappers, dust, hardened gum, knocked-over bins of food or clothes or electronics, clumps of hair, bits of chewed-up candy thrown on the floor by toddlers. And I haven't covered half of it yet.

You get the strangest people in WalMart, too. Some smelled of smoke, others of unpleasant bodily odors, others of mint. Some were plain, rushed-looking women with frantic expressions on their faces. Some had multiple children running around, sitting in the cart, screaming, and causing general havoc. Some were elegant, primped-up women who bought make-up, hair supplies, and clothes. Some talked into cell phones constantly. Others never spoke at all. And then there was the occasional man who shopped, staring at their lists for minutes at a time, then wandering aimlessly around the store, hopelessly lost.

Oh yes, I've had my share of bizarre experiences in the years I've been here. I could go on all day. There was the kid who stuck bubble gum all around my wheels; there was the family who couldn't stop clambering in and out of my basket while we moved, terrorizing their mother; there were the Siamese twins who wouldn't fit in the baby basket because they were too oddly proportioned. But the strangest, most unexplainable occurrence was probably the one a couple of months ago.

It was around midnight. The store was open later than usual – everyone was all hyped up about some new book that was being released at 12:00 AM. There were hundreds of people waiting in line to buy it. Many were very oddly dressed – their ensembles included scarves, school uniforms, capes, broomsticks, tall pointed hats, high heeled shoes, colored hair – not your general night at Wal-Mart. I couldn't figure out why they were acting so oddly.

No one needed shopping carts. So I watched and waited for the night to end, knowing no one would need me.

At least, I thought so.

Earlier that day, some lazy shopper had left me in the middle of an aisle next to a produce section. I had, therefore, a view of a good portion of the line. I was safe to observe the oddly dressed people.

One small group in particular caught my eye. There were four of them: four girls, all dressed up. One had on an attractive school uniform, which she had styled to look cute. One was looking quite gothic in black clothing. One was in a black skirt, purple jacket, and high heels – looking very commanding. One – the strangest of the group – had mussed hair, small glasses, and about ten layers of clothing on. A few shawls, a rather poofy skirt, a very queer hair clip, and a load of jewelry made up most of her apparel.

They conversed rather loudly, laughing at some unknown joke between the four of them. All of a sudden, two – the commanding one and the strangest one – came over to me and grabbed me. That was unexpected. They pushed me over to an aisle, putting a few random items in my basket: a poofy cushion, a baby's toy. Then, spontaneously, the strangest one climbed in (keep in mind that they were both at least 15 years old – a little too old to sit in grocery baskets). Sitting back against the cushion, she grabbed the baby toy and held it like a scepter in her lap, then commanded the tall one to push her over to their friends to show them – something… some inside joke that had to do with the odd circumstances.

After laughing for a while, with me being pushed around and the two looking like complete idiots, they finally pushed me back to a different aisle. I contemplated this event for months and never got the gist of it.

I guess it just goes to show how bizarre the human race can get.