My First Kiss and Other Tragic Tales

Chapter one

My luck in the "love" department isn't so great. After all, how much of a love life can a sixteen year old freak like me have? Not that I don't enjoy being a freak, but one of the known facts about us freaks is we have no love life. Zip. I mean being a freak in elementary school was great! You didn't care what boys thought about you; for all you knew they had cooties. But, oh no, stupid hormones just had to kick in. So then I started to dress well, you know, in a getup that actually fit my figure, but after all this hard work I was still a freak. And so I'm back to where I started. Since I am a freak I have no boys chasing me, no kissing, no dating even. And all because of the standard I set for myself in elementary school.

I'm not even the kind of freak who got piercings all over my face and navel, and wore black. Not the greasy kind that knew every useless fact on the face of the earth. No, I was just the kind that stood out and didn't worship the popular kids. For this they started calling me a freak, and it just stuck I guess. There are benefits, too. You don't need to really worry what people are calling you behind you back, because you already know. Also, there are no expectations set for you by other kids in your grade.

Not that my first kiss helped my freak case, no not at ALL. Of course one of the pasty, nerd freaks, Matthew Frank, asked me out on a date. I said yes. It was a pity date. Apparently he didn't get the message that I didn't like him, even though I practically ignored him the whole night. When he drove me home he said,

"I really want to kiss you." He looked pathetic I must admit. He was basically begging for me to kiss him... or so I thought.

"No tha-" Before I could respond he leaned over and kissed me. You have no idea how fast I pushed him off me. Seriously, I think I gave him whiplash. I ran out of the car, slammed the door and ran into my house. And on top of that, you think he'd get it (he's a smart guy) that I didn't want another date. Of course, he was book smart not social smart. Next day Matthew calls me and says,

"So are you free Friday?"

"Matthew, please don't call me anymore." Let me tell you, I slammed the phone down on that receiver so hard a little piece of plastic bit chipped off the edge. I found the plastic bit a few weeks later when I, of course, stepped on it. I had a nice little cut for awhile there, all thanks to Matthew and my lousy first kiss.

I told my best friend, Ellen, my tale of woe and I should have seen it coming. Of course she laughed why wouldn't she? Isn't that what best friends are for anyways, to laugh at their buddy's pathetic first kiss. Even though I was expecting the outbreak of giggles, I punched her in the arm and she stopped and said "Ow." Supposedly I could punch pretty hard. Ellen has been my best friend since kindergarten. I always thought she was pretty. She had shoulder length honey colored hair that gently grazed the side of her face. She, unlike me, was not considered a freak, I guess because she was outgoing and involved in the school, though, she never left my side for a second and because of that she was my best friend and I loved her.

"It just bites. My first kiss was on a pity date, a PITY date," I said emphasizing the "pity," "And I wasn't even the one being pitied!"

"Yeah, that does suck," Ellen replied seeming like she didn't care, "but lets face it, hasn't the rest of your love life sucked just as bad?"

I sat still for a second and thought about it. She was totally right. At least THIS time I had gotten some action, even if it was unwanted attention. She had been lucky. She had an amazingly cute boyfriend and a perfect first kiss it just didn't seem fair!

"Yeah but still" I responded "it just doesn't seem right..."

"Well of course its not right, Liz! Matthew Frank KISSED YOU! A hug would have been bad enough" Ellen said in a frustrated tone. "but hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

A few weeks after this incident something good FINALLY happened to me, Elizabeth Samson, The Freak, had something good happen to her. It's amazing that after all these years of suffering through a loveless existence something was going to change that.

A hot guy moved in next door.

Not just any hot guy like a hotter-than-Johnny-Depp hot guy, and that's pretty damn hard, after Johnny Depp's beloved role as Captain Jack Sparrow. No, this hottie had EVERYTHING the long, dark, brown hair, the hypnotic blue eyes, the tan skin, the buff arms, EVERYTHING. And boy was I happy about it. I don't remember the last time I was so happy. Probably when Ashley Craig, my arch nemesis and the most popular girl in school, got chocolate pudding all over her new Donna Karan New York top. Let me tell you that girl can scream pretty darn loud. I could not ruin my chance for a love life. I had to do something QUICK.

So I waltzed right up to him (well not really-I took an hour fixing my hair and choosing the right outfit. I decided on a blue tank top and capris. Considering we lived in California that was basically all I had in my wardrobe; tank tops, shorts and capris) waved and said "Hey you new in the neighborhood?" which of course I knew had been the wrong words to start off with. Of COURSE he was new in the neighborhood. I could so imagine what he would say, "No I just appeared here with a truck and lots of boxes to mess with your head" I had just blown the only chance I had...so I thought.

"Yeah, I'm really excited to be someplace where it's warm all year round." He replied with a grin. All I could think was God he's gorgeous.

"Yep, I love it here, snow has always been my arch enemy." I managed to articulate. He laughed, showing off that great smile of his. I mean jeez could he be anymore gorgeous? Let me answer that, no it wasn't possible.

"So what's your name" He questioned. Oh. My. GOD! A hot guy was asking for my name, not Ellen's name, MY name.

"Elizabeth Samson," I said a bit too quickly "but most of my friends call me Liz." I slowed down to normal paced speaking. I couldn't get over the fact I said "most of my friends" with an "s" like I had any friends besides Ellen.

"Liz..." He repeated as if he was thinking over the one syllable word. "I like that name. My name is Ryan Davis. Nice to meet you, Liz. You want to show me around the neighborhood?"

Oh my God. Maybe all those years going to temple had FINALLY paid off. You would never have known how excited I was by looking at me. I kept my cool, as we walked down the neighborhood. Boy was I glad it was a Saturday and not a school day. The more time before Monday, the more time I had to convince him I wasn't a freak. And I thought everything was going to be O.K. Of course it wouldn't and my old crappy love life would be flooding back in very soon.