March 14, 2007; April 5, 2008
The syntax of the original was much more complicated. In attempting to take out the confusions in syntax, and strain sense out of the piece, a majority of its former power and aural quality was lost. I am uncomfortable with this poem, particularly its usage of language. Maybe the fact that I am discomfited by this poem is a milestone in itself.

You Vital, You Subliminal (Radical edit)

The life-filled rhythm in my ribcage,
Drawn from the light of your every breath,
From rainbows you strain out of your blood onto
Me, a parched and sunscald colorless;

We are the well-oiled machine,
The soulful, buttery automaton,
The hand-holding season,
God-like glue;

Jive in perfect meter kept,
Strong and earnest when we speak,
Dining from laughs and silent fits we
Covet one another: eyes, mouth, fire,
Hair, sensitivity, loss,
happy corruption, din:

My lungs balloon with thoughts of you -

Uprooted from a tar-like darkness,
The restive earth releases me -
I leap straight into your universe, now ours,
As pulsing and alive as your habits,
Never quite the same nor sensible, like our love,
Just as how my circadian rhythm
And yours, when they collide implode,
Become timeless, and
Burst into sugary sails.