12Author's Note: This is NOT another chapter of this story—it's a revised version. I didn't want to take the original down in case someone who likes it can't stand this version, ok? But this felt necessary to me—I like this story as a concept and I wanted to fill it out a little bit. I've mostly added, not taken away, and it's the same story just with added details. I hope you enjoy it.
Her eyes moved suggestively over my form, and I knew exactly what she must have been thinking. I swallowed hard, ready to do something at a moments' notice. She looked into my eyes, her already-dark irises turning nearly black with what I could only assume was desire. No one had ever really looked at me that way before—men had claimed their love for me, some had looked at me lustfully, some had looked all over my body but never into my eyes. But I'd never felt the intensity and want in someone's gaze like I was feeling in hers on that night. It was pretty clear that what exactly she wanted was more than just my body.
"Loren…do you have any idea how much I want you right now?" she asked me, her pouty lips forming the words beautifully, her voice a rich, deep whisper. Had she been reading my mind? I caught my heart fluttering in my chest, and took a deep breath to calm it.
"I think I have some idea," I murmured, my eyes locked on hers. She was mesmerizing me, drawing me in with those beautiful, dark eyes of hers. I felt something inside of me stir, some ancient desire that I hadn't felt for her in many years, but it was sure back with a vengeance. I caught myself wondering if it had ever really gone away—things like that tend to become easier to tuck away into the subconscious when time and distance are allowed.
"You have some idea? Do you want this to happen?" she breathed, easing closer to me. I could feel the warmth from her body, smell her cologne. The scent of her and the feel of her presence should not have been doing such powerful things to my body…but they were. My heart raced and I could feel myself trembling slightly, though from anticipation or fear I was unsure. I had always considered myself to be a straight woman, but Brittany had made me doubt that. An entire life of Episcopalian guilt followed me, weighed me down, made me feel like I had to be who they wanted me to be. Marry the right man, have lots of his babies, make everyone happy. But she freed me. I had loved her so fiercely, so unendingly, so passionately…but we had never quite gotten it together. Ships passing in the night, she liked to say…when one of us was in love with the other, she was in a relationship or in a bad place in her life.
It was always something keeping us apart, but there was nothing that night. We were at my house alone, my roommate had taken the dogs with her for the weekend…and we were standing in the kitchen face to face, desire zipping between us like electricity. It hadn't taken much to spark this powerful encounter; I suppose some of the most major, life-changing things start from small, seemingly insignificant actions.
We had been taking a break from our hours and hours of movie-watching, and had both decided to go to the kitchen for something to drink. Brittany had been standing at the counter, pouring us some soda, and I had for some reason decided it was necessary to reach across her to take a snack out of the cabinet. Could I have waited until she was finished, or even asked her to grab the snacks? Yes…but I hadn't. I stepped in close to her and reached up, and the next thing I knew my breast had grazed her arm. We had both frozen, looking at each other, and I stepped away quickly, my heart suddenly racing from the contact. That was how we'd ended up standing looking at one another, the air suddenly charged with something intangible but powerful.
I considered her question—did I want 'this' to happen? I knew exactly what she was asking me. She was asking me the question we'd been dancing around for a long, long time.
"Do I want this to happen? Are you serious?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow. She lifted one of her own perfectly-shaped brows, and curved her mouth into a sexy little smirk. My stomach tightened at the sight of it. I knew she loved me, that she had loved me since we were nineteen years old…but at that moment, she wanted me. Whatever it would be or could be was lost in the yearning in her eyes. I wondered fleetingly if it would ruin our chances of ending up together permanently if we went ahead and ravaged each other that night, but as they often do rational thoughts went away the closer she got to me.
"I'm serious…I want you to tell me…I want to hear you say it," she whispered, standing only about a foot from me. She looked ready to spring, ready to grab me and kiss me senseless, and in that moment I hoped that she would.
We'd been in so many situations over the years when this could have happened—but liftoff was never achieved. When we were eighteen, before things had gotten so incredibly deep between us, I'd told her I had a huge crush on her. I told her I thought she was smart, and beautiful, and funny, and that I wanted to be with her. She'd been incredibly conflicted but had refused me, saying that we needed each other as friends too much to cross that barrier. But the next day she'd taken me to the beach to watch her surf.
The importance of this was huge; surfing was a very intimate, important activity to her. It meant the world to her and it was how she mellowed out. Surfing was a part of her soul, and she had never taken anyone to watch her do this before. But there I was, wrapped up in one of her sweatshirts as we stood in the cold wind, facing her with a little smile on my face. The sight of her in her black wetsuit was amazingly appealing, and I can never forget how she looked as she stood there looking at me. The conflict was obvious in her eyes as she held my gaze, the wind whipping at her auburn hair as it escaped her ponytail in small wisps.
She wanted to kiss me…I could tell. We were both virgins at the time and the thought of anything beyond kissing scared us both, but we seemed to be right at that critical point that day. Britt had shifted her surfboard under her arm, clearly stalling and standing there in silence way longer than would have been comfortable for most pairs of people. But I had to let her measure this decision out on her own—I was afraid that if I rushed her I would scare her away and that was the last thing I wanted.
She stepped over to me, closing the distance of three feet or so in just a step and holding her surfboard securely away so the wind couldn't blow it into me. Our eyes had locked on each other and butterflies were fluttering madly in my stomach as she leaned in, pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek and whispering that she was glad I was there with her. Then, her cheeks flushed red, and she turned and walked down to the water, paddling out without looking back at me.
I had stood there, my hand on my cheek, watching her as she fought the turbulent gray ocean wave after wave. My heart was pounding and I was wishing she'd just kissed my lips, rather than denying me what I had so fiercely wanted from her.
This memory flashed in my mind in an instant as I prepared the words mentally that I needed to say to her. Words I'd never said but often thought, words that were, one way or another, going to change my life on that night.
"Britt, I want you. I want you so fucking badly," I whispered, trembling, wanting to reach out to her. She beat me to it, though, coming forward those last twelve inches and closing the space between us, finally, pressing her long, strong body against mine and kissing me hungrily.
I couldn't help myself, I kissed her back like I'd wanted to for nearly five years. She tasted sweet, and her lips were much softer than I had anticipated. My hands found her skin, stroking her neck and jaw line with my thumbs and reveling in the feel of how hot her skin was. She could have been on fire, and it warmed me through and through as she wrapped her strong arms around me, pulling me closer.
Kissing her was everything I had ever wanted it to be. I can still remember the wonder I felt at finally experiencing her lips on mine, her tongue in my mouth, tasting me…God, how I had longed to be in her arms this way!
There weren't any words then, to describe how we were both feeling. Our first kiss was proving wholly incendiary and the tingle I felt in my stomach and between my legs was turning to that joyful, pleasurable ache that always accompanies sexual arousal. I can't say how long we stood there, kissing in my kitchen, but it was Brittany who started backing us toward my bedroom door. She didn't break the kiss, just moved with me and closed the bedroom door behind us after we'd made it.
The knowledge that we were finally going to make love after so many years excited me, and without even thinking I began unbuttoning my soon-to-be lover's shirt. She took her hands from my waist and helped me, meeting me in the middle of the shirt and whipping it off without even breaking our kiss. I wanted desperately to be skin-to-skin with her.
Then, suddenly, her hands were on my face, caressing my cheeks and her kiss had slowed, become tender. We separated for a moment, and I forced my eyes open to look at her. Her eyes were black and her lips were red and swollen, and she was so beautiful in that moment that I felt my chest hitch, emotion welling up in me. She caught her breath and looked into my eyes, her thumbs still caressing my skin.
"You know how much you mean to me, don't you? Please tell me you do, because I don't want this to happen unless you understand how incredibly crazy I am about you," she breathed, looking so deeply into my eyes that I was sure she was staring into my soul. I nodded, reaching up to place my hands on her forearms. I ignored how amazing her smooth skin felt over hard, defined muscles, and caught my breath long enough to tell her,
"We're both crazy about each other, babe. This has been a long time coming." A gorgeous little hint of a smile graced her lips, and then she was kissing me again, her tongue dancing with mine within the passionate boundaries of our mouths and making the ache between my legs intensify.
I reached for the button on her jeans, managing fairly well to undress her considering how long it had been since I'd had sex. My knuckles brushed the impossibly soft skin of her stomach as I worked on getting her pants down. She stepped out of them as I sank back onto the bed, sitting and just looking at her for a few moments. She was beautiful, all muscle and tall, solid build. It was so different than my previous sexual encounters with men—she was soft and curvy and smooth. The sight of her made my fingers twitch with the desire to touch her, to explore and feel every inch of her.
Reaching behind her, she unhooked her black bra and dropped it, revealing her breasts to me for the first time. My hands were planted firmly on her hips, just feeling her skin and I watched her with wide eyes, my lips parting slightly as I took her in. Amazing…I could still see her tan lines from summer, pale white triangles around beautifully pink, aroused nipples. I couldn't tear my eyes off of her…but through the haze of my wonderment I heard a little bit of a breathy chuckle from her. Blinking finally, I looked up at her face.
"I've never seen that look on your face before," she said quietly, her voice really just a breath as I looked into her eyes. I managed a deep, shuddering breath, exhaling slowly and shaking my head.
"I…I just…you're just gorgeous," I whispered. Inwardly I'd cursed myself—I had wanted to say something else to her…something more eloquent, something sexier, something more profound. A rare, unchecked smile crossed her pretty face, her eyes crinkling at the corners.
"Ohh…I'm all yours," she breathed. It was my turn to grin, turning my attention back to her body, feeling suddenly empowered by hearing those sexily whispered words come from her mouth.
Though I longed to free her from her sexy little black boyshorts, instead I leant forward and pulled her toward me, kissing her body as my hands slid over her ass. She braced her hands on my shoulders as I kissed and licked her breasts, and I felt her knees buckle just a little bit. So close, I could smell what I assumed was her arousal; the scent mixed with the many masculine-imitating nuances that made up Brittany's particular scent. Something about her combination of feminine arousal and very masculine cologne hit me hard, stoking my fire. It was just so her, she was a beautiful mix of hard and soft, kind and strong, sweet and bold. She was a gorgeous conflagration of opposites—it was no wonder I loved and wanted her so much.
Deep, guttural moans were escaping her throat as I left my marks on her breasts, sucking and kissing until it bruised her beautiful porcelain skin. Before I could do much else, she pushed me by my shoulders back onto the bed, climbing up to straddle my hips and looking down at me sexily. She appeared to enjoy having power over me, and the fact that she could throw me around so easily turned me on to no end. She could do whatever she wanted with me, however she wanted, and she knew it.
"I want to see you," she said, her voice low, rough. I'd never heard her sound that way before—such an intense mixture of lust, arousal and something else that I couldn't identify. I felt a rush go straight to my aching center and I nodded, sitting up so she could take my shirt off. She had me half-naked in a few seconds, her hands kneading my breasts as she kissed me once again. I was amazed at the softness of her hands; the tenderness of her touch…no man I had ever been with had touched me that way. Slowly, her hands began sliding down my body and she unfastened my pants expertly, unzipping them and easing me back down so she could maneuver them off of me.
She didn't waste any time, her hand immediately snaking down into my panties and lightly caressing my shaven lips. Her eyes rolled back when she felt me for the first time, and I watched her face contort in pleasure as I licked my lips and reveled in the heat of her hand down there.
"Holy shit, you feel so fucking good," she breathed, finally parting my lips with her fingers and stroking my clit carefully. That shot me into the stratosphere, and I gripped the sheets on either side of me as she slowly, softly stroked me. I thought she might kiss me while she was doing that, but instead she moved her head to my breasts and took one of them into her mouth, devouring me and sucking my already-hard nipple until I wanted to scream.
"Oh Britt, oh fuck," I panted, unable to focus completely on either her tongue on my nipples or her fingers playing with my clit. She was everywhere, nowhere, all around me…and I loved her. I loved the feel of her above me, pleasuring me, I loved the scent of our combined arousal filling our space, and I loved the way that she played me like a finely tuned instrument. She knew me, knew, exactly what to do to make me wet.
And I was, totally. After a while, she removed her hand from my panties and finally just slid them off me, down my legs and threw them somewhere—I didn't care.
"You're so beautiful," she murmured, leaning down and kissing my hips lightly. A new surge of arousal got me wetter, and I groaned, pressing my hips into her. Her hand was back at my lips, caressing my clit lightly with her thumb as another finger slid down my slit to my wet opening. I was soaked, and she knew it. The first finger slid in easily, and when I felt her inside me for the first time I knew I was done for anyone else. Here she was, the most wonderful person I'd ever cared for, looking so intently into my eyes as she fucked me slowly and carefully. It was so different…not at all like the hard, probing invasion of a man inside me. This was her, this was the woman that I loved…that thought wouldn't stop going through my head. She was incredible.
She slid another finger into me on the next thrust in, and filled me more. Arching my back, I tried to push my hips into her so I could have more—she granted my wish. Inserting a third finger into me, she continued her steady, careful rhythm. In, out, in, out…drawing my wetness out with her fingers to make the next penetration slick and easy, she expertly fingerfucked me.
"You feel so amazing, baby…I want you to come for me," she whispered. Sure enough, the tightness of an orgasm was building inside me, coiling into a ball of pleasure and uncoiling again when she placed her hand just above my pelvic bone, pressing down and hooking her fingers inside me.
Stars appeared before my eyes—she'd found my g-spot. No one had ever done anything like that to me before, and as she relentlessly stroked that sensitive place inside me, I only grew tighter and wetter. Those three thick fingers pulsed in and out, and with one final thrust and a wiggle of those magical digits, I came.
I felt myself spasm around her, gripping her fingers tightly as she held them stiff inside me, her thumb brushing my clit lightly and only intensifying the things I was feeling. My entire body was quivering, and I swore I was vibrating as I came hard around her. I forced myself to keep my eyes open, looking in to her beautiful dark eyes as she made me come for her. My girl looked back at me, an expression of wonder and love on her face as she watched me, felt me around her fingers. I felt so close to her in that instant, so bonded as we were intimately connected. My entire body was thrumming with the power of my release, and the thought that I'd never felt anything so right in my entire life occurred to me then.
She let me ride out the orgasm, sliding her fingers out of me carefully and slowly. I looked at her with the half-lidded eyes of a woman who has just had the most intense orgasm of her life, and when I saw her take her fingers into her mouth one by one and suck off my wetness, I couldn't help but smile. She was so sexy. Catching my breath, I came to terms slowly with what had just happened.
"I don't know how you did that to me," I breathed, looking into her dark eyes and reaching up for her. She lay down over me, kissing my neck and ears and cheeks before finally meeting my lips eagerly. Her kiss was intoxicating, her touch too amazing for words. She had blown me away.
"I know you, girlie…that's what I've wanted to do to you for years. You were even more amazing than I could ever have imagined," she told me, kissing me lightly on the mouth again. Then she wrapped her arms around me and rolled us over so I was lying on top of her, and covered us up with a blanket from the foot of the bed. I wondered what she was thinking, as we lie there skin-to-skin, breathing in time with each other. I could feel her heart beating, strong and steady, against my skin. Strong and steady…that's what she was to me, always.
I realized then how exhausted I was, but she seemed to have known already. My head drooped to her chest, and I inhaled the sweet scent of her, my hand on her shoulder as she held me. I had never felt so safe…the warmth of her embrace even chased away the fears I was having about where this would lead us. Would we be together, finally, after so many years? Would one of us move closer so we could be together more often? No…those things weren't important just then. There would be plenty of time to worry about them later.
I thought again about that day on the beach, how I'd held back from what I wanted to say and do, wanting to leave the ball in her court so to speak. That decision hadn't gotten us anywhere—we'd spent years afterward trying to pick up that missed connection. Taking a deep breath, I knew I couldn't be afraid anymore.
"I love you," I whispered into her skin, knowing that if there was ever a time that she needed to know that I loved her, it was then. I couldn't imagine what her response would be, but I couldn't justify holding back from her anymore. I felt my lover take a deep breath, and she tightened her grip on me.
"I love you too, Loren. I've always loved you."