Dear Jayden,

What the fuck do you seriously expect me to write in here? Hello, penpal-mine. Uh...My name is Sean. Which you already knew. I am seventeen. Which, again, you already knew. I hate penpals? Bet you didn't know that. Don't be offended; it isn't just you: I hate most people. And I hate school. The fact that I now have to pay to send a letter I didn't want to write halfway around the world to someone I don't even know definitely irks me.

So why am I writing this? Because I need you to write back. See, we're getting graded on our ability to keep a person writing back to us (you probably are too). So it would be really nice if you wrote back. I'll come kill you if you don't (I know where you live).

Thanks and stuff,

Sean Walker

P.S. I hate you.