2Eye of the Beholder
Every day comes at me like a tiger ripping the flesh from a bleating lamb. No, that isn't right. I tell my mother the graphic version, my wartime fairytale, until reality blurs with imagination to form a whimpering tiger with a roaring lamb; both desperately attempting to have their meals in peace. I tell her they call me names, belittle me with passing whispers, buckle me down into corners with spiteful eyes. My mascara runs down my red cheeks, my slobbering lips whimper, and only then, in my moment of weakness, do I succumb to the truth. I allow her to hold me, I let her see my tears, but I do not falter in my steps.
She thinks I lock myself in my room because everyone at school hates me. " You need to eat. Sarah, if they keep doing this to you, I'm going to the principal. They can't be this cruel. " Her hands are stroking my hunched back, both our blue pairs of eyes streaming down tears for me. Me. Lately, she has does nothing but cry.
" Mom, you can't. You can't-" I can't even talk without choking on my words. But she can't. She can't know what I've done. I never told her, never. My ex-friends pass me in the hall and stare with poison darts, each one stabbing me until I cry out for mercy. They laugh. They know, they know. They know what happened that night better than everyone else, and they know it.
It was chilly for June. The mosquitoes danced around the four of us in our mini-dresses and two-inch heels. Marie kept
scowling every time a bug bit her, swatting her hand across her bumpy thighs. She was the best of all of us, always
excelling in classes, sports, and boys. Ted Collins loved her for three years, and not only was he her coach, but her lover
and tutor. Every time he drove by, she'd blush and flip her shimmering chocolate hair back, puffing out her chest. Katie,
Dru, me, we envied her. But I was the only one to do something about it. Ted was my first love; his eyes sparkled when
he taught, always, always... In class I could stare at him, totally immerse myself into how his lips moved until the bell
rang. Marie would in the front row, centered in his classroom. Occasionaly, his gray eyes slipped a glance at her, her
hands rooted firmly in the depths of her curly hair as they would be in his. I used to imagine him staring at me in that
manner, eyes glazed with adoration and lust. Reality would yank me back as my head moved, chin-length, frizzy orange
hair brushing up against my ears. I bit my lips after such moments, deeply ashamed of my hair. I always carried lip balm
with me, but my lips always felt flaky. At lunch, I sat across from Marie. Hers were full and plump, mostly from secret
trysts with Ted in the boys locker room. If she wore a skirt, there would be red fingers burned into her inner thighs. " I like
your skirt. Where did you get it?" My voice would seem to slide out menacingly in my ears, but Marie was deaf to all but
positive tones. "Oh, this old thing?" She'd blush, perfect white teeth biting her plump, red lips in memory of Ted's approval.
Katie, unconciously the ever-observant one, would jump in as she spotted my millisecond snarl, though she did not realize
her influence on the situation. " Hey, did that come from the new mall?" Marie would shrug, brow crinkling into shining
waves. These moments, plunged into at a glance, would paint me as a petty girl. I have never been anything resembling or
embodying a petty girl. The thought gnawed at me still, its tiny voice squeaking in my ears, particularly that night. Marie,
whose legs remained remarkably womanly in the midst of insects, wiped the mosquito on the heel of her pumps. On her
fingers glittered three diamonds, each from Ted, for the years they'd been together. Perhaps my eyes lingered loathingly on
them , or, perhaps Marie had finally torn off the blindfold, whatever the reason, she had locked eyes with me, stunned, a
befuddled little girl in her mother's clothes and makeup. It only lasted a second, but it was enough to alter her being for
the remainer of the evening. The four of us,including Katie and Dru, scattered around the town, giggling at the older
couples( except, of course, Marie) and leaning against the benches of the park and cafe and theater in an attempt to look
sexy for the passing seniors and college men. As sophomores, the most problematic issues were appealing to older men,
as, to seniors, we were children, and to juniors, we were sisters or laughably undeveloped. Marie tended to appear ladylike
in any case, for as we posed for the scoffing seniors, she sat slinkily along the bench, breasts perked by way of spine. All
the boys slowed into a stroll as they passed, hungry eyes glittering with visions of her in various situations. One, a junior
in college, even halted in his tracks with his flat-chested date! " Hey, why don't we go see a movie?" piped Dru. Her lips, a
bright pink, sparkled in the streetlamp-light. A scattered mess of 'ok' reverberated around the group before Marie slid very
seductively off the bench for a passing sophomore and his friends. My eyes darted in exasperation between Kenny, a boy in
my class, and his friends back to Marie, who began to saunter across the street. We hurredly bought our tickets to see
some PG-13 movie ( to this day I cannot recall the name) and rushed inside before the lines became a feature-length item
in itself. Fate, for the lack of a better concept, guided us behind Ted Collins and Mrs. Collins in the popcorn line. We saw
Marie's eyes bulge in envy, a viscous loathing bubbling beneath her silky chocolate eyes. Her nimble fingers turned white
under the force of her grip on the tickets, crimson lips tucked over her teeth. Mrs. Collins tilted her head, bright blue eyes
catching the shine of diamonds under Marie's white knuckles. " Oh! " Her full, bare lips opened in suprised delight. " Those
are some beautiful rings, dear. Absolutely breathtaking!" Marie's eyes widened as a deer's in headlights. "Oh! " Mrs.
Collins spun her body toward Marie's trembling one, eyes sadly and apologetically bulging. " You must be so shy! It's
alright, sweetie, You musn't be so afraid of people! You're a lovely girl, and I'm sure once you open up you'll see how nice
people can be! " Marie, unable to utilize her vocal chords, nodded numbly , a pathetic gesture of nervous jealously. I
caught my ironic scoff in my throat, thrilled beyond utter delight at Marie's reaction. Behind his wife, Ted Collins snuck a
glance at Marie's voluptuous body, eyes momentarily undressing her in an affair-like urgency. He whetted his lips. His wife,
naively goodnatured, turned around and dug some lip balm from her jacket pocket, soft hands flipping the tube out in
offering. He took it in hesitant sheepishness, his gray eyes shimmering in relief. Mrs. Collins smiled warmly and leaned up
on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his slightly flushed cheek. Marie's eyes watered slightly in sheer frustration, her body now
crinkled into a tiny girl hiding from the world. The line moved forward. Katie reached forward to touch her shoulder, though
the gesture came too late- Her curly hair whipped me in the face as she twirled away from the line and plummeted
towards the popcorn-meshed carpet, her sharp cry escaping seconds before we heard a slight pop. Dozens of curious eyes
blared into our group, now, little children peering between the legs of the parents and teenagers. Dru and Katie beelined
for Marie's fallen figure, stumbling as she threw her body up and broke into a dash across the theater lobby. My legs were
stiff in shock; somehow the weight of my friend's emotional state did not quell my excitement. A grin fought it's way into
my throat, my face a resistant army against its advances. ' Move! Move! ' my head goaded, urged. One foot forward, then
another, until my feet had begun to dash , numb against the sharp, biting pain of thin layers of skin peeling from my toes.
Dru and Katie followed, the thumps of high, thin heels echoing throughout the hall. It didn't take long to hear her; quiet
whimpers pricked our ears in the midst of silence. We turned the corner into a hallway, her long body sprawled across the
patterned rug against the wall. She was trembling, womanly esscence vaporizing into the air with every choked breath.
Katie moved tentatively toward her, knees bents, eyes soft. " Marie? " Blue waterfalls snapped up to drown her, red mouth
twisted in ignominous heartache. " What? " Katie winced at the harsh tone, hand coming down to stroke Marie's thick
hair. The shaking girl collapsed into Katie's arms, long fingers clutching the other girl's legs. Dru slipped beside the two
and wrapped her arms around them both. I fell to my knees and fell against Katies back, my eyes watering in sympathy for
my theorhetical archrival, my supposed friend. Friendly eyes warmed the back of my head, and I turned. Ted Collins gazed
down at us, gray eyes embracing his Marie. He took a step forward, his crisp slacks swishing against his legs. The three of
us parted unwillingly from Marie, who had perched herself up on her hands and knees. Ted extended his broad hand to her,
and slipped his fingers into hers, creating a gentle rope between them. Any twinges of sympathy vanished from my heart,
its proxy a nausea that threatened to expel from my throat. I bolted from the hallway, eyes blurring, vanquishing the sight
of my love with my rival from momentary memory. My head smacked into something sweet-smelling, and soft. I tore my
head up, frantic eyes meeting those of the good-hearted Mrs. Collins. " What's wrong, dear?" Her velvety hands petted my
hair, calming me instantaneously. Something unidentified rushed into me, a tiny voice urging me to speak. " Follow me!"
She gasped as my hands grasped hers , feet thumping and thudding as our legs swung out to a destination that I could
not comprehend in my mind. I had no thoughts in my head; only the pounding of our hearts kept my attention, everything
else whirling in an unreachable, distant cacophony. Our feet halted. Two bodies thrust forward into the hallway with the
patterned carpet; a scream echoed above me- At once one pleading voice drowned me in shock. Both of Ted Collin's women
locked had locked eyes, his wife's shimmering in disbelief, Marie's in terror. Her lips and his were smothered in red lipstick,
swollen from passion. " Please, Eve, it's not what you think! This girl jumped me and her friends kept me down! " A cry
split open from Marie's throat, though her rage did not lash out at Ted; instead, her brilliant blue eyes seethed at me,
mouth snarling. " You! You little bitch! I knew something was up when I saw you tonight! You planned this, didn't you,
you stupid little whore! " Her lanky body lunged at mine, long nails sinking into the flesh of my arms. " No! I didn't plan it!
You brought it on yourself by opening your legs to him! He was mine! " Her scream shrilly pierced my ears as my teeth
tore into her hand with the diamonds. Broad hands gripped my sides and tore me away from her. For a millisecond my
heart skyrocketed in hopes of them belonging to Ted. A ticket taker's voice echoed above me, half-frantic. My head whirled
about for my Ted, finally spotting him shrunken against the wall in regret and fear. We met eyes, his gray now sunken and
shimmering at once, fear running rampant in his heart. Sobs echoed in the hall, Mrs. Collin's graceful form hunched in
heartbreak. I saw Marie being dragged away from the scene, three attendants with broad arms struggling to hold her. I
forced in a breath, chest numb, and began to cry.