Sara Merwick

The Last Normal Day

Walk faster, think later. I couldn't seem to catch my breath. It didn't even feel like I was really breathing. I couldn't believe this. What was wrong with me? Ugh. My feet didn't seem to be moving fast enough. I couldn't make them obey me. What was my problem? Did God hate me or something? This couldn't be happening. It just couldn't be. There was no way that this was really going on. Nope, no way, no how. Just couldn't be.

I mean if you think about it, it really didn't make sense in reality. Today was a normal day; at least I think it had been. I got out of bed, I went to school. Sure, I was super nervous all day, and I had spent extra time getting ready. Sure, I had tried my hardest to be early, and had even eaten breakfast in order to not be too early. And sure, none of that was really normal for me, but still, it was basically a normal day.

I had gone to my chemistry class, and managed to be slightly late, which was weird because I had actually had to try to be late because I was so early. But chemistry had gone completely normally. I hadn't been able to concentrate and had spent the whole class not paying attention. And that was totally normal. Which just proves that the class had gone normally, like any other normal day.

Than I had gone to my locker, carefully avoiding anywhere she would be. Which I guess really wasn't normal because normally I try to see her as many times a day as I can. I wonder if she looked for me. I wonder if she waited for. I wonder if she missed our brief five minute conversation the way I had. Stop thinking about it, stop it, stop it, stop it. But other than that going to my locker had been totally normal. I had gotten my books and than I had gone to my second period, totally normal.

And second period, that had been normal, definitely normal, totally normal. It was English, and that class is never anything but normal. We had read some short stories and talked about the true meaning behind them. And we had gone over vocabulary words, and after that Mrs. Waller had made us diagram sentences. Those sentences had been long, drawn out hard ones, which is basically normal. And all of this is just more evidence that today had been a totally normal day. Nothing a miss and nothing to say it was anything but.

And after that activity period had been normal. Very normal. I hung out with my friends, and we made fun of each other. And we talked about nothing but how lame we all are. And I had gone to the gym with Blake and shot hoops for a few minutes before class. Absolutely nothing about any of this was out of place, all normal, and so far I hadn't seen her once.

Now third period was completely not normal, but then that's normal for my art class. My teacher had been all over the place and kept forgetting to finish sentences. It was amazingly un-normal which was normal. I had drawn a picture which for some reason ended up looking exactly like her. Why was I doing this? Why was I avoiding everywhere she would be? Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? What was wrong with me? Ugh. Anyways, third period had been normal, which again proves that today was normal.

After that was lunch, which is when I had to see her, there was no more avoiding it. I couldn't keep changing my path and walking away. I wonder if she even noticed that I had avoided her all day long. But it didn't matter. She was bound to be waiting to walk home with me. She had to be. But, maybe she was so mad at me for avoiding her that now she was avoiding me and I wouldn't have to see her at all. That would make today a totally un-normal day, which would work for me.

But today was a normal day, because she had been waiting for me out front, just like every other totally normal day. And this was the moment that I had dreaded all day. Ugh. Why had I been so stupid? Couldn't I have just found a different way to walk? And why the hell was I still thinking about it?

I really should have walked a different way. Or something, anything but going up to her and saying hi just like it had been any other normal day, I should have just pretended that yesterday hadn't happened and then continued to avoid her. But than I would have had to avoid her for the rest of my life, and that's really not what I wanted to do. It really really wasn't. She just looked at me, like she was waiting for something. Which she totally was, and I knew it. "So um…about yesterday…I'm sorry. I just…I just can't." How much stupider could I have sounded? I mean totally unintelligent, right? And then to make matters worse I had just walked away. Just turned and walked and not even bothered to look back. I can only imagine what she was thinking and is still thinking. I'm such an idiot.

Now what am I suppose to do? I just made a complete ass out of myself. And to make matters worse, she probably thinks I'm a complete jerk and never wants to talk to me again. I could have just said yes. I really could have, and probably should have. I mean I really wanted to. I hadn't wanted to say no, so why did I? It doesn't really make sense. Today could have been totally normal. The whole school day proves that today was a normal day, other than that last part. She should be walking beside me right now, and I should have been hanging out with her all day, not avoiding her. Okay, so today was a totally not normal day. It hadn't been normal in anyway. But what's normal anyways right?

How had I let this happen? She's my best friend, and I know that. So why is it that I'm in the situation I'm now in? I probably could go back and tell her the truth. I could just tell her what I really meant to say and that I was just being stupid. I could tell her that saying no had been a joke. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll go back and tell her yes and everything will be okay, and than tomorrow really can be a normal day. So here it goes. Or not, my feet don't seem to want to turn around. Oh, wait yes they do. Here we go.

Okay, there she is. I can do this. All I have to do is walk right up to her and start talking. Almost there, only two more steps. She's so pretty today. Why am I just standing here looking like an idiot, an idiot with his mouth open? Why aren't the words coming out of my mouth? Come on, I can do this. Oh, wait, she's saying something. "Look, you said no. Whatever. No biggy, okay?" And now she's turning around, and she's walking away.

NO! My brain is screaming at me, but my mouth still refuses to work. My hand is reaching out, and it's touching her. And she's turning back around, and my mouth is open again, and words are coming out, and she's stepping closer, and BAM, and the bus stops. And, she's just lying there, and today should have been a normal day. But yesterday was the last normal day there will ever be.