5-12-08

My parents are divorced, well I can't say divorced caused they never got married, but that's another story for another day. What I wanted to talk, well write about was after the doctor's appointment. Since that day at the doctor's office my dad took me to see my grandmother who doesn't live that far away. When we got there I greeted her with the biggest hug I could give her. She has a curvy figure, meat on her bones as she likes to call it. I love my grandma, she is strong and independent and fierce.

Oh, I smell chicken. Did I forget to mention she is one of the best cooks? The aroma filled the apartment. She cooked fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, corn bread, mash potatoes, chocolate cake and home made ice tea. Talk about eating good on a Sunday. You kow that home made food i'm talking about. Not just home made food but grandma's home made food. She always put love in her whole 'lose weight' thing is going to be hard. She offered me some but before I can reply my father interrupts.

He tells her that I'm on the two official words that hate to her...a diet. There's typical dad for you, I mean its not that he's a bad father it's just that he can be so, so… annoying. Not to mention embarrassing. When I was little and the family had parties or just invite people over my father would always monitor what I eat. I always had to eat less than other kids and he would mention that I was on a diet and needed to lose weight. Soon I did lose some pounds I think I lost about five and one day I told him so and he said that it wasn't enough.

Needless to say my self esteem went way down, I hit rock bottom. Then I started to eat a lot again and soon I just ate more and more. I love to eat all the time, especially when I'm sad. It's my place thats my source of comfort. My grandma is very good to me, I know she tries to help, and she tries to encourage me but it doesn't help much. She tells me stuff like "its just baby fat" or my personal favorite "your big boned". Yeah right, just baby fat my ass. I'm fourteen not two, but I love her anyway at least she is trying.

Mostly everyone on my father's side of the family is skinny of physically fit. The worst part for me was to have to take pictures. That's pretty embarrassing too. Imagine being next to all of your family and majority of them are small while you're the big one. The one that looks like an elephant, it's intimidating no thats not even the right word. The right word would be embarassing.

It just feels like I messed up the picture, like I'm an outsider. It's like I don't belong, I mean not all of my family is small but compared to me they are. I know my family loves me it's just that it feels like I'm an intruder. It's like their nothing like me, we look alike in some ways but in others we don't. For example almost all my family members have a big booty, me on the other hand I don't have one. It's flat, flat like a fucking iron board. I mean no shape what so ever, it's just plain flat. I inherited what i like to call 'the flatness' from my momma. So if I want to blame anyone it's her.

I did to much thinking today so I decided to go outside for some fresh air and along the way I meet one of the finest boys I have ever seen in my life and I'm not exaggerating… OK maybe I am but he was fine. To bad I was blinded by the basketball that flew in my direction. I'll write about that later, I got to go.

Yours truly,

Fat girl

Please tell me what you think. I kind of like this story but I'm not sure if I want to continue, but I will tell you this. If I don't get some reviews then I won't continue because I won't know what you think. So tell me, is it good? Is it bad? Read and review please! It isn't that hard just… click the button; type some words of what you think and bam a review. Oh and if there are some spelling errors, sorry.