Regret Of A Corpse

"Do you regret it?" I watched her. I watched her face, her bodiless head as the trails of blood-stained tears streamed down her stony face.

"Yes."

Her head blinked repeatedly, desperately trying to blink away the tears that would not stop.

"Yes," she repeated. Her voice was a scratch on a tombstone. "I regretted it the second that I felt my life draining away from my wrists. I hoped that it would stop, that some of it would be left, that someone would come and find me. But I knew that no one would, no one would because I had made sure of it when I chose that day to commit this miracle, this miracle that would save me. And it turned out to be my life-ending disaster, a disaster that could not be reversed."

Her head closed its eyes, but the tears continue to slip through beneath the eyelids. And the blood, the blood flowing from the stump where her neck had been, pooled around the head and mixed into a measure of wretched cocktail. This cocktail would be served with a razorblade on the glass rim, not a slice of sunny-yellow lemon.

"But I don't want to die." She lived now, in death, and she could not remember. What was her death and when did it happen… time was confused. "But I don't want to die…" She repeated. Her murky, dark hair was falling now, falling into her shut eyelids and she relived the moment of her demise. She was reliving it over and over and over again because it was now her only memory. Nothing else could be retrieved for her comfort because they had all died, they died when she died. "I want to live, I want to live, and live and to be happy. To find happiness. I want to live."

But happiness was not hers to find, for she had given it up. She had given it up the moment that she decided that she wanted the miracle more, because the miracle was easy, it was painless pain. It ended the end for her. Oh, but the tragedy, the never ending tragedy of the ever ending tragedy of the never ending tragedy… oh, but it was too late, too late for even the tragedy.

Again she said: "I want to live."

"But you're already dead."