57Episode 4: The Six Pack!
HWMNBN led the attack, with Crony 1 and 2 at his sides. They charged (rather foolishly, I suppose) toward the three girls at the entrance, conjuring their most powerful spam and Flame attacks.
"The Review Game will fall to the mighty power of the oh-so-sexy Ygger!" HWMNBN shrieked as he charged.
Frac leapt forward at this one and hurled a ball of Criticism. "You think that Ygger is sexy? Well I've got news for you, you pathetic excuse for a man. You have some horrible taste in women!"
"Feel the wrath of our 99 cent bananas!" Crony 2 yelled.
"Was that supposed to be an epic quote, or were you just trying to sound stupid?" TT asked calmly, drawing up a Con Crit spell.
Lefty watched Crony 1 charge at her, and she waited patiently for him to say something like the others. But he didn't. And he continued not to say anything, even as Lefty sidestepped his attack and he ran head first into the wall.
Meanwhile, Kyllorac (the lazy noodling girl in the penguin suit, for all who forgot...) took careful aim at Crony 3, who was charging at her with mad speed.
"Where did you all come from?!" Kyllorac yelled as she fingered the trigger. "One second it was only HWMNBN and Ygger... and the next, you three show up!"
"Well I'm from everywhere, but HWMNBN and Crony 2 r form the purple castle!hahahahahahah!" Crony 3 yelled back. He continued to cackle madly as Kyllorac fired away.
The first two blasts narrowly missed, but the third connected head on. Crony 3 flew backward, skidding a few times across the floor and finally ending with a little thud against the wall. Kyllorac smirked smugly and tucked her bazooka under her arm.
"You never said anything about Crony 1, by the way," Kyllorac shouted to the unconscious Crony 3. She then turned to the chaos that was unfolding before her. HWMNBN was sparring with Frac (and losing, of course), while Crony 1 and 2 were dealing (quite unsuccessfully, I might add) with TT and Lefty. Kyllorac decided that they didn't really need her help - maybe she'd take a break, watch the fight, yell insults at the other side.
While surveying the fight, Kyllorac spotted Terree's limp body on the ground. Feeling rather generous and kind at that exact moment, she walked over to to fallen Terree and put her bazooka on the ground next to her. Grabbing his arms (she would have grabbed under his arms, but she wasn't sure if he'd worn deodorant that day and didn't wish to find out), she slowly dragged him across the room to a secluded corner.
"You'll be safe over here until the others defeat those idiots," she said to Terree, who, obviously, didn't respond.
Suddenly, Kyllorac felt something press against the back of her head.
"Stand up, you penguin-girl."
Kyllorac mentally face palmed. She'd assumed she'd knocked Crony 3 out. And in a careless blunder, she'd given him an opportunity to strike - and a weapon to do it with. So much for being nice to Terree, who was still unconscious and unable to help her out.
Standing slowly, Kyllorac thought of her options. Of course, there was no way she'd be able to defeat Crony 3 in this state - she was unarmed, and not even facing the enemy. There probably wasn't much hope for help from the others, since she'd just seen the fight and knew it would be a few more minutes before Frac, Lefty, and TT had them all defeated. And she couldn't escape - Crony 3 was holding the bazooka at close range. Even if she tried to run, he'd gun her down in an instant.
Well, she could lazy noodle again. But she knew that Crony 3 would probably shoot before she could hit the ground. And what good would it do then?
"Turn around."
Geez another command. When would this guy just pull the trigger and defeat her? Thinking fast, she decided to just do as he wanted. So she turned, slowly and deliberately, trying to weigh her options. She would not just accept death - perhaps there was a way to bring him down with her...
"Any last words, penguin-girl?" Crony 3 asked with a sneer. His finger itched to pull the trigger, but he told himself to wait just a second longer, to see her face when she knew she'd lost.
"Ermm..." Kyllorac tried to think of something epic.
"I guess that was your last word! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Crony 3 cackled.
Kyllorac squeezed her eyes shut and hunched down, her hands over her head, waiting for the blast, the pain, the hit. She waited. And waited. And then she waited some more. Finally, after what felt like a while, she cracked open one eye.
There, right at eye level, was the most beautiful set of abs she'd ever seen. No, these muscles were too gorgeous to be called abs. These were abdominals. And what a beautiful set of abdominals they were. Perfectly toned and shaped, they created the most amazing, perfect, beautiful six pack in existence. Kyllorac couldn't take her eyes off of them.
"Are you okay?"
A voice. A voice from the abs. Or, rather, the person with the abs. Kyllorac opened her mouth to speak, but her breath caught in her throat and her heart leaped into her stomach. She tried to respond, but found herself speechless.
"Hey. Are you okay? Or are you mute?" the voice from the abs asked. "Well anyway, don't let your guard down next time. And be careful where you leave this thing." And with that the abs (NO! The person with the abs) shoved the bazooka into Kyllorac's arms.
Kyllorac fingered the cold metal of the bazooka, almost frozen. Her eyes continued to stare at the spot where the abs used to be. Wait. Used to be...?!
Kyllorac's head shot up, the beak of the penguin suit bobbing in her eyes. To her right, she spotted the fight where Frac, Lefty, and TT were successfully kicking butt. And straight in front of her...
"TURN AROUND DAMMIT!" Kyllorac shouted.
The person with the abs (haha! She got it right this time!) turned around, looking back questioningly. Kyllorac sighed one of those middle school girl sighs; she hadn't meant it to come out, but when faced with those kinds of abs, who wouldn't sigh like that?
"Hm?"
Kyllorac managed to pull her eyes away from that perfect six pack for just a second to survey the rest of his body. Gawd he was gorgeous. Or, at least, his abs were.
"Ahhhh... thank you," Kyllorac managed. She squeezed her bazooka, her palms sweating.
"You're welcome," he said simply. "The idiot ripped my favorite shirt, though, as he was going down. I'm going to have to find another."
Kyllorac looked down. There lay Crony 3, a large bump on his head and half of a shirt in his hand.
"N-no you don't!" Kyllorac blurted. Your six pack is too gorgeous to hide. Did I just say that aloud? Oops. "Er, uh, what's your name?"
The guy with the amazing six pack didn't seem to notice her outburst. "Lucien..." he murmured. There was a gust of wind from an explosion in the battle next to them that swirled glowing Flame embers around and ruffled his hair. "...of Shadow." And with that, he turned and walked out of the building.
Kyllorac remained rooted to her spot. She sighed again, her knees gave out, and she melted onto the floor.
Frac hurled another powerful ball of criticism at HWMNBN, which managed to singe off all of the hair he had on his head.
"- you, Frac!" HWMNBN shrieked, touching his bald head. He felt like crying - all of his "smexiness" was gone! "Now I'm going to have to wear a wig!" As if to show off his anger, he tossed a Flame ball heading straight for Frac's face.
Conjuring up a shield of Praise with ease, Frac deflected the ball and glanced over at the other fighters. There, only a few yards away, was TT, easily defeating poor Crony 2 (and his 99 cent bananas, whatever that might mean...). A few steps behind her was Lefty, who was easily dodging or deflecting all of Crony 1's attacks. In fact, most of the damage done to Crony 1 had been inflicted by his own wayward attacks. And way back in the corner... there was the girl in the penguin suit sitting next to a fallen Crony 3, clutching her bazooka and looking positively starstruck.
"HWMNBN, you have lost," Frac announced, turning up her nose arrogantly. "Run back to Ygger and tell her she can never win. Not against me, not against Lefty, not against TT, and most certainly not against the almighty Reggy. Ooh, wait a sec, I feel the urge." And suddenly, she stripped down, pulled out a new set of clothes from who knows where, and dressed herself again. It would have been an awkward situation, but HWMNBN wasn't paying that much attention to Frac - he was trying to feel how much hair he had left on his head.
HWMNBN continued to feel his bald scalp, trying to think of what to do. His cronies had been easily defeated, and all of his hair was gone. Not to mention his goddess Ygger was nowhere to be found.
"You'll pay for this, Frac," HWMNBN growled. "You'll certainly pay for this."
"Yeah? And so will you. You're officially exiled from the RG. You may never come back here. And if you do, you'll know the true meaning of pain," Frac smirked. She cracked her knuckles to give a nice intimidating effect.
HWMNBN thought this over. "CRONIES!" he yelled. "Retreat!"
In the blink of an eye, all three cronies were at his side, posing stupidly around him. (yes, even Crony 3. So what if there are impossibilities in this story...?)
"We'll defeat you someday, you RGers! Mark my words!" And with that, the four of them disappeared.
Lefty walked over to Frac, dusting off her hands. "Well, that was easier than I thought," she shrugged. "They're just full of hot air."
"And I never got my 99 cent bananas," TT remarked. "I'll get them from him someday." She clenched a fist and shook it at the ceiling.
"It looks like we have a new member," Frac said, gesturing to the girl in the penguin suit.
"Two, actually."
The girls turned. There, in the doorway, leaning against the frame, was the best set of abs any of the girls had seen. Well, actually, there was a person leaning against the frame with those perfect abs, but who cares about him anyway?
"Wow," was all Frac could muster. She remained silent for a minute. Then: "Hehehe, remember to leave your curtains open tonight..."
"Frac, that's creepy," Lefty smiled sheepishly. She walked to the newcomer. "Welcome to the RG! I'm Lefty, that's Frac, and that's Ting Tong, also known as TT. Oh, and don't let Frac freak you out too much."
"I'm Lucien..." he said, and the wind picked up, swirling leaves and rippling through his torn shirt and hair. "...of Shadow."
"Lucy it is, then!" Frac exclaimed. She grinned. "Lucy goosey!"
"Uh, I'm a guy," Lucien answered bluntly. He wondered how she could have confused him for a girl. He didn't look at all like a girl... did he?
"I knowww, but Terrance is Terree. Why shouldn't you be Lucy?" Frac shot him a look. And that look told him not to argue.
Lucy shrugged. "Fine," he said.
TT turned to the girl in the penguin suit. "And you are?"
"I'm Kyllorac, and I already know all of you guys," she said quickly.
"Kylie! That's the name for you!" Frac declared. She grinned.
"Woot! I have my own nickname!" Kylie smiled.
"Welcome to the RG!" Frac and Lefty said in unison.
And that was how they added two new members to the RG family.
Waaaah, I'm sorry this took so long! As many of you know, I got a new computer that had none of my old writing on it (or any kind of word-like program, for that matter). So I'm starting anew with this chapter. Hopefully everyone's still in character. XD And hopefully Lucy actually has hair... so that my description of him is accurate enough. XD If you're actually bald in real life (or if your hair is really short) I'm sorry I depicted you wrong. So anyway, concrit is much appreicated - I didn't edit this chapter at all (yeah, this is the raw stuff) so I'd like to know how it came out, I suppose. Thanks for reading! :D
-Lefty