44Holy fuck guys, it's been a year! I'm a horrible horrible person. I'm hoping to use my summer to write as much as I can for my stories and hopefully this will get the ball rolling. Tell me what you guys think, I'm a little nervous .. it's been so long since I posted!
-carefullyironic
Chapter Four
"Wake up!"
A heavy weight bounces on my bed and I shift groggily.
"Up, up, up!"
Sitting up, I blink sleepily and rub at my eyes while trying to figure out who could possibly be in my room so goddamn early. I reach blindly for my glasses and slide them on. A familiar mop of blonde hair comes into focus.
"How'd you get in here?!"
Casey settles back on his heels and tilts his head. "You wear glasses?"
"Contacts usually," I sigh, shifting my legs in a stretch. "How'd you get in here?"
"They suit you." I open my mouth again and Casey laughs. "Calm down. Maria let me in. Lovely woman!"
"I know," I say petulantly, "Except when she lets psychos in at God knows what time."
"It's already 12:30," Casey defends.
I glance at my clock and realize he's telling the truth.
"Alright, so it's not that early …"
I swing my legs unsteadily over the side of the bed. I manage to get to my feet and stagger towards the bathroom without falling flat on my face.
"We're going to the beach!"
"Uhm … why?"
"Because it's fun."
Right. I stop to grab some clothes before entering the smaller room and shutting the door behind me. When I return, contacts in, face washed, teeth brushed, and fully dressed, Casey's busy exploring my room.
"It's not polite to snoop," I tell him, trying to figure out if there's anything in here that I don't want him seeing.
"I'm not," he says. Opening the top drawer of my desk, he rifles through its contents. I scoff at him but stop short when he comes up with something. I recognize what it is immediately, the back slightly yellowed and the corner bent. "Who's this?"
I stride across the room and snatch the photo out of his grasp. "Nobody," I say, holding it against me.
Casey sends me a confused look. "That's apparent," he mutters and then pauses. "It's your mother, isn't it?"
I step back, trying to control my expression. "Yeah." My voice sounds slightly hoarse and I want to turn away from him. His bright green eyes lock onto mine and I can't move.
"Oh."
We stand in silence and I shift uncomfortably. I don't like thinking about my mother. It's too late though and flashes of memories begin to pelt me.
"Ready to go?" Casey says after only a moment. I'm not, but I shut my eyes and take a breath in an effort to clear my head.
Nodding stiffly, I set the picture down on my desk. "Let's go."
Casey insists we take his car and I follow him into a beat up jeep without question. The last thing I want to do is follow my mind down the path it's wandering so I tune into Casey instead.
"Yay! Full control of the radio!" Casey says after turning the ignition. He begins to fiddle with the dials.
"You have full control of the radio in my car too," I point out a little bitterly.
"It's different," he says, settling on a station that comes in and out through bouts of static.
"Yeah, less static."
"Hey, don't hate. This is my baby and if you insult her, you're insulting me."
I roll my eyes. "Let's just go to the beach already."
Summer's barely bled into fall, the sun is high in the sky and the beach is crowded. "He said he'd be by the large rock on the left," Casey says. "Maybe he meant his left."
"Wait … what?" I say, turning away from the beach we're staring at to look at Casey. "Who said that he'd be here?"
"Aubrey."
"Who's Aubrey?"
"A boy."
"Casey…"
"Well what do you want? His social security number? You'll have to ask him yourself." He's craning his neck to look around and doesn't catch my glare.
"A last name would be nice."
Casey shrugs a shoulder. "Fuck if I know."
"Why'd you even bring me with you if you were already meeting someone?" I demand. I could still be sleeping.
Casey stops searching and pins his sharp, green gaze on me. "What? You jealous or something? You wanted this to be just the two of us?"
I glare at him. "You're an asshole."
He grins, a feral glint to his eyes. "And you're a whiny bitch."
"God. What is wrong with you?" He snaps so easily from one mood to the next that it's impossible to keep up and suddenly I don't even want to try. "I'm leaving."
I turn away before remembering that we took his car. His grin's even wider and he shrugs carelessly. "Guess you're stuck with me."
"Fuck you."
"Now's not the time darling," he says, "Aubrey's waiting."
I feel like punching him as he jumps down into the sand and heads across the beach, obviously having found what he was looking for at some point. I have no choice but to follow.
A slightly familiar but impossible to place brown-haired boy about our age is waiting, back against a tall rock. He greets Casey with a warm smile.
"This is Adrian," Casey says.
Aubrey continues to smile. "Adrian and I know each other."
I blink at him.
"Oh yeah?" Casey says.
"Sure." Aubrey looks at me for affirmation but I just stare blankly back. "Our fathers do business together …" he says. "We had dinner at your house a couple months ago…" I shrug sheepishly.
"It's no wonder you don't have any friends," Casey says. It's a joke but it stings a little and I frown. Aubrey looks confused and a little apologetic.
"Well, Aubrey and I have some business to attend to; we'll be back in a bit."
"You're kidding right?"
Casey doesn't respond. He grabs Aubrey's hand and pulls him away. I stare in shock at their receding backs, both for the fact that they're leaving me here in the middle of the beach and for their interlaced fingers.
I don't know what to do while I wait. Several times, I move to leave before realizing I have nowhere to go. Home's more than five miles away and I stupidly left the house without money or my phone.
I end up on the rocks, first exploring and then just sitting. People on the beach seem to be having a much better time than I am and I wonder why I can't be more like them. Oh. Maybe it's because I was abandoned so two boys could do God knows what in a private corner.
By the time they return, I don't even want to look at Casey. Judging by Aubrey though, cheeks flushed and hair sticking up in every direction, they were definitely doing something dirty.
"I'm hungry," Casey says casually, choosing not to acknowledge the fact that I have every reason to be pissed at him. "You guys want to get something to eat?"
"I'm supposed to meet friends here soon," Aubrey says, sounding remorseful.
Casey shrugs. "Some other time. Come on Adrian."
I follow him, but only because I'm not going to spend any more time on the beach alone and I'm not going to lose my ride.
I feel uncomfortably like a tagalong puppy as I trail behind him, so despite my anger, I break the silence. "So," I say, "I didn't know you…" were gay, "…had a boyfriend."
Casey looks at me like I'm stupid. "I don't."
"Well then what was that," I say.
"Nothing."
"Does he know it's nothing?" I can already guess the answer.
Casey lifts a shoulder, confirming my suspicions. "He'll figure it out."
"You really are an asshole."
"If you say so."
I stop, feeling affronted. "You really think that's fair? Just leading him on like that?"
"Look," Casey says lowly, "I'm not leading him on. I haven't done a single thing to make him think I want anything more than a quick fuck. Any misinterpreting that goes on is purely his fault."
I shake my head. "You've been here a week, how can you already have someone to … fuck."
Casey's anger evaporates into a smirk. "I have my ways."
We continue walking but after a few more steps, I can't help myself. "Does it really make you feel better?"
"What?"
"Letting yourself believe you're not to blame when someone becomes too attached?"
"If they want to pretend they're in love or whatever the fuck they want to call it, they can, I'm just not going to help them."
"Or stop them apparently."
We reach his jeep and sit in silence for a couple minutes. I don't try to say anything more and Casey doesn't move to start the car. I want him to so we can leave and I can be alone but we just sit there. Finally, he breaks the silence. "Do you believe in love?"
I want to laugh. Did he seriously just ask that? A quick glance proves he's not joking and actually looks lost in thought so I give him the courtesy of considering his question.
Love. I don't believe in the Disney kind of love, I know that, all happily ever after, sunshine and fairies. But did I believe in a different kind of love? A bittersweet version maybe?
"I don't know. Maybe."
"I don't." And he sounds so sure that I don't know what to say. "Everybody looks for it but nobody has it. It's unattainable. It's the most destructive expression of naïveté there is because who can ever be happy if they're always seeking something that doesn't exist?"
A heavy, stagnant silence fills the air. I search for words because I can't just not say anything. What I come up with is maybe worse though.
"It's way too soon for this type of conversation," I say because I don't know what else to or how to respond to his declaration that's perhaps naïve itself. Not that I'm ready to tell him that and defend it.
Casey looks at me, his gaze incomprehensible and then he does the last thing I would have expected, he laughs. Leaning across the space between us, he kisses me on the cheek. Okay … that was the last thing I would have expected.
I stare straight ahead, too shocked to look at him and not blush.
"Let's go get food."
We get food and end up back at the beach. Aubrey and his friends are nowhere in sight but Casey doesn't seem to be looking for him. I feel strangely glad for that. All it takes for Casey to get off my bad side is some gentle teasing and I want to hate him for it. Instead, I just laugh and push him away when he tries to kiss my cheek again and we spend the better part of the afternoon sprawled on the sand and letting some of the last summer rays heat our skin.
When Casey pulls up in front of my house, instead of idling and letting me out, he parks the car. I watch curiously as he shuts off the ignition and when I get out and he follows, I realize he's either walking me to my door or following me in. The idea of him walking me to my door is too funny to be true so I figure it must be the latter.
"Adrian!" Maria greets me as I let us into the house. She's in the foyer dusting, a smile on her face as she surveys us. "Are you staying for dinner Casey?"
Casey smiles charmingly. "Are you inviting me?"
"Of course! It will be nice for Adrian to have some company. I'm sure he gets sick of me." Maria laughs merrily.
"I'll stay, but only if Adrian wants me to."
Both of them turn their eyes on me: Maria's chocolate brown full of warmth and maybe a hint of amusement and Casey's vivid green, playful and demanding. I frown.
"Sure, whatever."
"Look at him!" Maria laughs. "All bashful."
Bashful. I am not bashful. Annoyed maybe, but not bashful.
The two exchange amused glances and I suddenly don't want to be between them anymore. I'm trying to skirt around them when Maria remembers something and claps her hands together. "Oh! Adrian." I stop. "Your father stopped in for a quick lunch and left you a note."
"Really?"
Usually he'd just phone Maria and I'd hear whatever it was secondhand.
"I think he was expecting to talk to you but you were out."
It figures. The one time when he actually makes an effort to see me and I'm not around. I want to glare at Casey but I check any reaction and keep my face blank.
"I put it on the refrigerator for you," Maria says.
"Thanks," I offer before leaving for the kitchen, Casey on my tail.
I keep my steps slow and measured, telling myself not to get my hopes up. I know it can't be anything exciting but I can't help but want to smile at the thought of my father going to trouble to write out a note for me. I don't let myself though, waiting to see what the note says first.
Adrian-
Tomorrow evening, dinner. It's time we caught up.
I look at the note, handwritten by my father, and can't help but grin.