11Twenty Questions
A story by PurpleAddict.
"You look pale, Haley."
His fingers brushed across her pale cheek. She lay before him in a hospital bed, wires littering the bed along side her, stuck to her body like the suction cups of an octopus. The meter watching her heart beeped softly in the background, the beats of her heart weak and shallow. Her hand came up to clasp his, her hospital bracelet branding her arm like cattle in a farm. And yet, she smiled never the less. A feeble smile, but still a smile.
"What do you expect, Dylan, I relapsed." Her voice, though holding just a hit of humor, was still soft to his ear. He missed her humor, the laugh that was always present in her voice. He missed the bright smile that clung to her lips like flowers to their petals. But most of all, he missed her eyes, the ones her heavy lids hid from him now. They were such a pale blue that sometimes he thought he was looking into the heavens rather than Haley Jackson's eyes.
He knew he was in love, but at the same time, he was in a heated battle with God. Night after night, they battled over the outcome of his love's life. God, of course, never gave him a true answer to the questions he sought. He simply reminded Dylan to be patient, that everything happened for a reason. But the death of his one true love? Why, he could never see a reason for that. Haley's heart was too small for her body. It had stopped growing when she was young, and for some reason, never seemed to hurt her. The doctors saw no reason to replace it when she seemed to be in such fine health.
That was, until a few years ago. She had gone through countless surgeries, but now they had decided it was time for a new one. She was currently on the donor list, but nothing seemed to fit. Months would go by, and Haley would be perfectly fine. Until one day she would be making the two of them dinner, and she would become so winded that she couldn't breathe. That was what had happened today. No one knew what was wrong, just that she needed this heart transplant more than ever.
"Hey," She murmured softly. He glanced down to see her bright eyes open and gazing at him with interest. "Don't look so depressed. Lets get our mind off these matters, okay? How about a game?"
"What kind of game, Haley?" He smiled down at her, "Not another game of 'I Spy With My Little Eye', okay? You always win at that game."
She laughed softly, coughing briefly before speaking, "Twenty questions." He raised his eyebrows and she simply smiled in response, "You can go first."
He nodded, scooting his chair closer to her bedside. "Hmm," He mused, bringing his free hand to light scratch at his chin. "What to ask the girl I know everything about?" She rolled her eyes towards him and he grinned. "What was your favorite song when you were younger?"
She smiled, "Oh, that's an easy one. I was a total country kid. My mother was always blasting some type of country in the car. I'll have to go with Folsom Prison, by Johnny Cash. He did have a way with words." She smiled dreamily. "So that was question one. Question two: did you ever want a pet growing up?"
Dylan nodded. "I used to beg my parents for a dog. I know, who didn't beg their parents for a dog? But the most I ever got was a goldfish from a local carnival. You know, the kind that lasted a week, and then one day you would come home from school, minding your own business, and there is your Flounder floating upside down at the top of the fish bowl. That could really scar a kid for life, y'know."
"Maybe you over fed them."
"Nah, Haley. I just think their life span consisted of seven days. The girl from The Ring must have been after them," he joked before moving onto the next question. "Question number three: what is the craziest thing you did as a kid?"
"Oh, Dylan, I never told you? Well, one day in junior high, I decided that I really liked the color blue. So I went to the drug store around the corner from my house and got some blue hair dye. I went into the bathroom, evading my mother of course, and dyed my hair. Only, I wasn't very good at it. It came out in blotches, and most of my hair was blue, but there were still chunks of blonde. My mother never forgave me. She wouldn't let me wash it out. So I had to go to school with it. They called me smurf."
Dylan chuckled and Haley stuck her tongue out at him. "Anyways," she continued, "Question number four: who was your first kiss and how was it?"
"That's two questions."
"Nah," She said, "Just a combined question. Think back to math class. It's an easy question, but there's the rest of the alphabet is following it."
"Paige Matthews." He said. "It was tenth grade, I had braces and we bumped noses. Hard. We had just gone for pizza with a group of friends and she complained about needing to be home early. Her house wasn't far from the pizza place, so I offered to walk her. On her doorstep, we both did the nervous exchange of goodbyes before leaning in for a not-so-pleasant first kiss. I learned the next day that she had planned the whole thing." He sat back in his chair, a smug expression claiming his features. "She had liked me for about six months."
"Oh, you Casanova, you."
He grinned, "You know it, babe." She rolled her eyes and his thumb lightly stroked her hand. "Question five: why is purple your favorite color?"
"Well, you know Kelly, my best friend?" He nodded, rolling his eyes. How could he not know who Kelly was? "Anyways, it was kind of like the color discovered us, rather than us discovering it. We noticed in college that the purple highlighter was just super prettier than the others. It was also a forgotten color. When you ask someone what her favorite color is, its blue, red, or pink. So we liked purple. It just kind of brought us closer together, you know?"
"Not that you guys need to be any closer together; she is your second half. Speaking of which, where is she today?"
"Visiting family in Missouri. I called her earlier when you were getting food. She wanted to rush over, but I told her to calm down, that either you or I would call her if the news changes at all." She shrugged and let the subject weigh down upon their shoulders. If the news changed, would it be bad or good? The truth was that if she didn't find a heart soon, they were not sure how much longer hers could last with her body. Haley didn't like to dwell on thoughts like those; if she died, she died. There was nothing she could do about it. When her time came, it came. There was no negotiating with the angel of death.
But the thought of him coming to get her weighed heavily on them both. It was as if the air in the room had left and they were slowly dying from lack of air. Being smothered, a pillow covering their noses and mouths. But nothing was for sure, and nothing had happened yet. They still had time and hope, and hope can do wonders.
"Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? Oh, question six, by the way."
Dylan tapped his chin in thought. "Well, you know that Remember The Titans is my all time favorite movie." Haley nodded in agreement. "Well, I guess it's my favorite because it handles two different forms of struggle, and how one team was able to overcome it all. Not only are they overcoming the pressure of being a winning team, but also they're overcoming that race issue. The fact that they went away from training and they became a close team, but the outside world doesn't understand how white and black can mesh. It's a really moving movie." He paused. "And it has some pretty awesome music."
She laughed. "Ain't no mountain high enough," She sang.
"Ain't no river wide enough, baby." He smiled, smoothing her hair back. "Lucky number seven: if you could have any super power, what would it be and why?"
"Ahh, the over asked super power question, hmm?" He nodded, a bashful grin on his lips. "I do believe that's a difficult one, Dylan Saunders. The Flash was always my favorite super hero, but I'll be honest, running fast isn't a desire of mine. But I guess my super power of choice would be to be able to levitate things and throw things. You know, like bring that cup across the room to my hand." Dylan cocked an eyebrow towards her. "Why you ask? Because I am lazy."
She nodded while he chuckled. "You think its funny, but lets be honest. If I could sit on the couch and just like, use my mind to make me a sandwich, I would be so down for that!" She smiled to him and his chuckling became true laughter. "You're just jealous because you never thought of that one."
When his laughing finally ceased, he nodded his head. "You are correct, Ma'am, I never did think that as an amazing skill. But you're right, that would be awesome."
Haley smiled, pushing a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "Mmkay. Numero ocho: what's the first secret of yours that comes to mind? Oh, and please feel free to explain in great detail."
"A secret, huh?" He reached a hand behind his head and scratched his neck. "Hmm, that's a tough one, Hales." He paused, and then started chuckling. "Okay, I guess the first secret that comes to mind is the Backstreet Boys." It was Haley's turn to cock an eyebrow his way. "Back when they were popular, and all the girls were going crazy over them, I must admit that I was upon that bandwagon. I thought they were pretty awesome. I was a closet Backstreet Boys fan, and none of the guys knew. Question number nine," he said, rushing to the next question, "what's your dirty little obsession."
"Solitaire," she said without hesitating. "I started playing and got Kelly totally hooked, and now we both just play solitaire like.. Twenty-four seven. Kind of sad, actually, but it is a strategic, intellectual game. So really, we're just working out our brains. Which is good for us."
"You ramble."
Haley giggled softly, "Yeah. I do." At that moment, a nurse walked into the room to check Haley's vitals. Their game paused for a few minutes while Haley's temperature was taken, along with her blood pressure. She checked the monitors and wrote a few things down on the clipboard she carried with her before asking Haley if she was hungry. Haley shook her head and the nurse left.
It was another realization to the both of them where they were and what they were trying to get their minds off of. Neither of them looked at the other, but Dylan's thumb continued to stroke the pale girl's knuckles.
"Question ten," she murmured, breaking the silence and Dylan's staring contest with the wall. His eyes shot back to hers and he nodded. "How hard is this on you?" Her voice was soft, but her eyes never left his. It was a question she wondered often.
"Hard." He responded. "I'm sure that goes without saying. But Haley, it's harder on you, and its something I don't mind dealing with. I love you, you know that. And I will sit by you for as long as I live." He, of course, didn't say 'for as long as you live', though they both knew that's what was going through the other's mind. It was something neither of them would ever say. "Eleven, are you afraid?"
"Afraid of what?" She whispered out, "Death? Them not finding a heart? Them finding a heart? What happens after life?" She paused and shrugged, "I'm not afraid of death at all. I've come so close so many times, it's not such a big deal now. When it happens, it happens. I understand that. I am afraid of them not finding heart because I don't want to die, even if I'm not afraid of it. I'm also afraid of them finding heart because my body could reject it and I'd be in the same spot as I am now, only then I'd have gone through the insane amount of hope of actually living a normal life. I'm also afraid of what happens after life. Is there a heaven? A hell? What is there and will I be okay?"
Dylan stared at her, disbelief in his eyes. He knew she was in a hard position and that she had to be going through things that were indescribable, but he had never expected those things. His mouth went dry, but his thumb continued to lightly stroke her hand. She needed all the comfort he could give her, even if his words were dry in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, but her own words stopped him.
"Twelve, are you afraid?"
"I am afraid, but I feel as though I don't have the right to be afraid." She gave him a look and he shrugged. "I'm not going through what you are. It feels selfish to be afraid, but then it also feels right. You're the most important part of my life, and losing you would be so insanely difficult. I don't think that I could live in this world without you by my side, but I also know that you would never want me to give up on my life. So giving up would be like I wasn't respecting your wishes, which I of course would have to do. But, again, I'm not going through what you're going through. And being afraid feels so, so selfish."
"Don't ever regret your feelings, Dylan. It's okay to be afraid. No, we're not going through the same thing, but you're going through something I was debate is equally difficult."
He nodded. "I'll try to get over that little feeling then, babe. You're right, it's important to feel. Question thirteen, why don't you ever say 'I love you'?"
She froze. She hadn't been expecting that question. "I say it."
"Hardly. I understand that it could be hard for you, babe. Really, I do. I'm just wondering."
"I don't say 'I love you' because that phrase scares me." She shrugged lightly, "I'm not sure how to explain it. I just think that so many people say it without meaning it, and while I love you, and you know that, I just don't like to say it super often. That phrase carries a lot of weight and baggage. I want to say it at the right moments and not just throw it around."
"That's very understandable." He agreed.
She nodded moving onto the next question. "Fourteen, why do you stay with me when I could potentially die?"
"That really bothers you, huh? You feel like I've tied myself down to something that isn't stable. To a person that could leave me when it's not their own doing." She nodded, her eyes filling with tears that threatened to spill over. "I stay with you because I'm hopelessly in love with you. Because, when you're happy, I'm happy. Because you have a twinkle in your eye when you smile, and I mean really smile. Not that fake crap. I love you for you, and I would never leave you." He smiled, "Don't you remember? Just a few minutes ago I said I wasn't sure I could live without you." He wiped a tear from her cheek, "That still applies."
She smiled a weak smile, brushing the rest of her newly fallen tears away. "Fifteen, why would you ask such a stupid question like that?"
She choked on a giggle. "Curiosity. It killed the cat, you know."
He nodded and she continued. "Sixteen, if I don't get the heart and I'm put on a life machine, will you pull the plug?"
He froze. How easy they went from smiling and laughing to such a serious question like that. "Maybe. Seventeen, do you want me to?"
She nodded. "Dylan, I don't want to live like that. Even if there's a fifty percent chance I'll come out of it, I'd rather you pull the plug. I'm not a vegetable; I am a human being. I was not created to have a machine breathe for me. If my lungs can no longer do that for me, I am no longer meant to be here, on this planet, living. I am meant to move on."
"Then I will pull the plug for you, but not because I want to, because you need me to. But, Haley, fifty percent? That's a big chance you could come back to me. Do you understand how hard that would be for me? What if it was I on that machine and I had a fifty-fifty chance of coming back. Would you pull the plug?"
"If you wanted me to, absolutely. But see it from my point; I already know why I want this. So if you wanted it for yourself, than I could understand that point of view easily. And I understand completely." Dylan shrugged, not wanting to discuss her dying any longer. "Eighteen, we are nearing the end. Will you move on if I die?"
"I'm not sure," He whispered. "I don't want to promise I won't and, perhaps, do. But I can tell you right now I don't see it happening, not one bit." He scooted his chair closer to her bed, the metal clashing against the other. "I can't see myself without you, Haley. I don't know how many times I'll have to say that to get it through your thick skull. I do think you can have more than one love in your life, my mother proved that with my step dad. But I'm not sure that's for everyone. Right now, when I look at my world, my future, I see you as my one true love. And that's it."
"You say beautiful things, did you know that?"
He smiled and nodded, "I've been told once or twice. Nineteen, do you believe you'll survive this?"
Haley shrugged, "That is a loaded question, Dylan. I'm never sure if I'll live through the next day. I'm never sure what complication they'll see the next day. Everything in my life is so spastic. But does anyone really want to know if they'll die the next day? If you could ask God the exact date, time, and reason that you die, would you? Would you really want to know? So honestly, I try not to think about it. I don't want to know."
"No. You're right. I wouldn't want to know. Live life to the fullest and all that."
"Twenty, what will you do when I die?"
When she dies? He blinked once. Twice. A third.
And then the doctor walked in. He was breathless, as if he had ran the entire way there. "Haley Jackson? My dear, we've found you a heart."
Author's Note: First short story up. I hope you all enjoy it.
I think there's a typo lurking some where in there.. So if you find it, feel free to let me know and I'll pop in to fix it. If you have any comments or anything, I would love to hear from you. :
- PurpleAddict aka: Samantha