I want you to know that I've thought all this through. I had been thinking about you more than I had ever thought about anyone in my whole life. Desperately trying to come up with a reason I wasn't happy anymore. Why nothing meant the same thing anymore. It was as if when you were saying one thing to me, I always heard a something else entirely. I can't deny that I loved you, with all of my heart and soul. It was almost foolish how much of myself I was giving you. I put you before everything. But you see, I still love you. Like I remember telling you so many times before. True love never dies, but unfortunately, relationships do, no one knows why.

I don't know what exactly got in our way, there were so many reasons to be unhappy. But for the longest time, we were able to overlook all of them. Which I'm thinking wasn't in either one of our best interests. To tell you the truth though, none of those are the reasons I left you. I know now, that I was scared. Terribly scared of living a life that seemed to be going on without me. A life that was already planned out and I had no say in what would happen. Same conversations were held, same words, same meanings behind them. Same everything. It was becoming so routine and I couldn't help but feel like I was losing myself. And I was. I was losing myself in you. Somewhere along the lines, you became who I was. I wasn't myself anymore.

I can't even say how many countless times I cried when I was with you. But you see I never was lying when I said that it wasn't you who was making me cry. It was me. I was so addicted to being in your presence and hearing your voice that when I wasn't, I was lost. I didn't know how to be my own person when we were together. I only knew how to be us. But when you weren't there, I couldn't be us. I couldn't be anyone. That's why I cried. Because I didn't know who I was without you there to fill in the blanks.

It was no good for me to feel that way. I don't think that I was mature enough to understand that a love like that couldn't exist without the two parts of it functioning properly. But even so, I can still say that I needed you. I am eternally thankful and always will be for what you have given me back in my life. Because I have realized that I wasn't just lost when I was with you, I was lost before you too. You taught me so much. To let go of things I might never have if it weren't for you. The times I had with you will remain vivid in my mind forever. I won't forget, nor will I ever want to.

I didn't just wake up one day unhappy in our relationship either, it was gradual. So gradual in fact that I myself didn't see it coming either. It's because I was clueless before. I didn't know anything about relationships. Or the feelings you could have for a single person alone. Our attraction to each other was unnatural and I know that you agree. Pretty much the only thing we truly had in common was our love for each other. Using that as I staple for our relationship got us through a lot, but then there were other times when it didn't satisfy the problems.

I'm not saying that I was never happy with you, because I was. You were the perfect boy for me, I meant it then and I mean it now. You were exactly the kind of person someone like me needed in their life. Everything I ever wanted. You may not have recognized this, but all the way you were helping me. Forcing me to grow up, to become my own person, develop my own opinions. We argued a lot more because you were making me stronger. You made me believe every word you said to me. I trusted you. More than I ever trusted anyone in my entire life.

You may feel regret. You may think that it was your fault I left you. In the end though ,you had to let me go either way. And personally, I believe that that is the most noble thing anyone can do. You had been my crutch for so long and when I was finally able to stand up on my own and do something I would have never imagined, it broke my heart too. It broke my heart to leave you like that, you don't even know. But it was something I needed to do for me. You've always told me to do what I want, what I need. And to put that before anyone else. It hurt me too.

Selfishly, I don't want you to go away from my life. I couldn't stand losing you forever which is why I want to be your friend. I really think we can be friends. I know that neither one of us will ever want to get back together again, it was over then and it will stay that way. But that doesn't mean we have to stop talking to each other, or stop trusting each other. We can be friends. Even after everything I know that we can. Before it seemed we could do anything. We were wrong. We weren't ready for a commitment like that, at least I know I wasn't. I respect you more than you will ever know for being friends with me. If you still want me around as a friend, I swear to you I will be. I can be that.