So my date with Parker went swimmingly. That's my word of the day. Say it. Rolls right off the tongue. The day after my date Nicky came over and wouldn't stop asking questions so I just told her the entire thing. Then Jordan came over and he wouldn't stop asking questions either so I told him the entire story too. Then Mike called and I thought he was going to ask me a bunch of questions so I just hung up on him. Then he called back and said he just wanted to know if Jordan was here. I said yes and then he came over. Then he started asking a bunch of questions and I just walked away so Nicky and Jordan told him the entire story.

Since my first day with him I've had two more. One was to go see a movie and the other was a triple date with Nicky and Brad and Jordan and Mike. The first one went well and the second didn't go as well but it wasn't completely horrible. At least now I know for sure you can't play hide and seek in Bass Pro Shops. I always wondered wether I could or not.

A week later we had senior excursion. We went to Six Flags. That's right, I said Six Flags. It was awesome. Nothing better than going to a theme park with all your friends. Actually, there is. It's going to a theme park with no one else there except your friends. Why didn't I think about that before? I'll be like MJ and rent out Disneyland for an entire day and only let my friends come with me. Was that MJ? I don't know.

Now it's another week after senior excursion and finals are over and it's the last day of school and it's graduation. I don't like graduation. For most people, it's like the end of their child hood and everything's a big party. YOU'RE STARTING SCHOOL AGAIN IN THE FALL! So I don't really see what the big deal is. It's not like you're done with school. But anyways, most people are really happy they're going to college but sad high school's over. For others, like myself, it's like your life is over. You peaked in high school. Me not so much, but it's the same thing. You have nothing to look forward to after high school. You're not going to college, you're not going to be a big famous athlete. You're just another statistic on some chart. Or another vote for some mayor or president that promises to help you but ends up just spending your money. For me, that's depressing. I don't know anybody that would be happy with that. To top it off, I have a boyfriend who is going places and I'm not. I like him, enough to not want to hold him back. So all in all, here are my plans for the day. Six o'clock, go to graduation. Nine o'clock, go back to school for grad night at Disneyland. Five A.M. come back from Disneyland. Five oh five A.M. break up with Parker and say goodbye to everyone. Six A.M. have a long cry and wallow in self-pity. Then go back to normal.

I just don't want to have a life with nothing to look forward to except fighting with someone I care about a lot. That's literally my biggest fear. Well that and Chipotle getting closed.

I'm thinking about community college. This time I won't screw it up though. It's not that I'm dumb, I just don't have the same priorities as other people. I pretty much just care about breathing, eating, sleeping, and getting to the bathroom on time. That's it. But now that I have to face the consequentions of my actions I'm not too happy with myself. I wish my parents would have been harder on me or that I had higher expectations of myself. Having to grow up so fast in such a little amount of time isn't too nice. I've just been numb the past week because I'm realizing what I've brought on myself. I'm not a little kid anymore. I haven't been for a long time. Why I thought I could still act like it is a mystery to me now. Acting like you're five doesn't make you five. It just makes you look stupid.

I just feel so alone. And stupid. I feel alone and stupid. Everyone told me I had to think about my future but I thought I was like Peter Pan and wouldn't grow up. What a cruel idea. Peter Pan is a jerk. He never has to grow up. But of course when kids are young they want to be adults. So Peter Pan has his Neverland where he'll never grow up but he has all the superiority and freedom of an adult and the carelessness of a child. That used to be my favorite movie and now I hate it. I hate James Barrie. He created this fictional world where a child can be a child forever. I wonder if, when he wrote it, he knew how many kids would dream and wish that it were true. I know I did. I don't even want to live forever either. Just live like 80 years as a kid and die. That way I wouldn't have to worry about bills or rent but I wouldn't have to see everyone I care about die and live forever with all that loss.

so this is the last chapter. this story is finished! sorry to disappoint if you were expecting something cheery and happy. it would suck to be so oblivious and then have that kind of wake up call. i know it was kind of depressing. i guess it reflects my mood. my school was over yesterday. i'm not saying i'm done with high school but at least this year is finally over. i just know that this is how i would feel if i were her. i know it was kind of short and i'm sorry. i don't plan for there to be a sequel. you never know though. i have all summer with nothing to do. i can't believe it took a year to write this either. started it last summer and finished it this summer. i don't know, i guess i was afraid of the ending...? anywhozers, i know there isn't any dialogue but you know everything that's going to happen and how everything is going to end.