Billiam the Bard's adventures: part two
Once the heroes have got on their way
They stopped at a village for a short stay
But our heroes got into trouble
They tried to leave on the double
A Bard's life is a Hard Life
Billiam strolled into a local tavern, upon entering it he found three men sitting around a table. He first noticed that one of the men was only wearing pants, the other only a shirt and the third only had shoes on. "Good sirs" announced Billiam "I humbly gander upon the matter of thine garments?"
"What?" said the man wearing the pants.
"Sorry I've been trying new ways of speech, for you see I am a Bard" Chirp, chirp unfortunately it was bring your cricket to the tavern day "What I was trying…" chirp "to say is why…" chirp, chirp "you only have one…" chirp "Outfit between you" Billiam uttered as fast as he could.
"We only have one outfit between us because some rogue named Jumbles swindled us out of all our money" The man only wearing shoes said.
"Oh heh I think I will just go then" Billiam said awkwardly
"Wait" said the man with the shirt "You're a bard right so tell us a story."
"Alright" Billiam said excitedly because this was the first story he told "Well I will tell you the only story I know, when I met Sir. Logue and a wonderful rogue name Jum..."
"JUMBLES!" said the man wearing the pants, standing up and throwing the table killing all the poor crickets
"No, no, no no no uhhmm a rogue named Jumbo you know like Jimbo but with a u"
"Well then tell us about this Jumbo" said the shirted man suspiciously.
"Hey Billiam telling your first tale" Jumbles said
"So it is Jumbles" said the shoed man
"Give me a second" Billiam thought vigorously, for one hour Jumbles and the three angry men sat around awkwardly "Erika I mean now I remember" said Billiam in a very unconvincing way "Jumbo and Jumbles are twin brothers"
"What are you talking abo…" Billiam kicked Jumbles then winked at him "I mean yes Jumbles is my twin brother." At that moment one of the unluckiest things that ever happened, happened
"Hey Billiam, hey Jumbles, what are you guys doing?" inquired Sir. Logue
"No Logue this isn't Jumbles, it's Jumbo his twin brother." Billiam said while winking with all his might
"What are you talking about Billiam Jumbles doesn't have a twin brother" said Sir. Logue "you should really get your eye checked by a doctor or something." The events that happened next are extremely violent so I'll try to lessen the violence. First the man wearing pants punched Billiam in the face knocking him out and sending him flying into the wall, and then Jumbles took a fork and shoved it up somewhere forks shouldn't be against the poor guy wearing only a shirt. The man with the shoes tried to kick Sir. Logue in uhh… a man's special area but he broke his foot against it and only made Sir. Logue laugh (in a completely heroic and not gay way). The man with no pants ran out of the tavern. Jumbles and Logue woke Billiam up and they apologized to the bartender and gave their condolences to the owners of the crickets.
Now I apologize to anyone who is offended by violence I promise it won't happen again in this sentence. So our heroes left the tavern and hoping they could leave this village as soon as possible. Well let's just say our heroes aren't the luckiest people in the world. Because outside the tavern was an angry mob led by the guy in the pants. "Let's get'im boys" said a small little man with a beaten up bowler hat. Well more violence happened but as I promised I won't tell you about it. So the fight started with Logue kicking the man wearing pants' face in, the Jumbles pulled out his ugly stick and smashed into peoples faces then Logue started picking people up and throwing against walls then, then Logue throw Jumbles into the middle of the crowd beating everyone he saw making them all ugly AWWWYEAHH!
I apologize for that I forgot to take my medication but I have now so I'm okay. Anyway they weren't able to beat all of the towns' people so they, so our heroes were tied up and dragged to the sheriff office. "What is going on down their" said the kindly old sheriff
"We demand you arrest and then hang these men" said someone from the crowd
"Now what have they done to deserve that"
"They stole me and my friends' money" said the man with pants "and the rogue shoved a fork up Cliff's special area, only I get to do that."
"Yeah and the skinny bard told a bad story" said a man from the tavern
"Yeah and the one wit muscles beat up my cat" said a woman
"You beat up someone's cat?" asked the sheriff
"Well it was a black cat and it crossed my path, the only way to lose the bad luck is by punching it." said Sir. Logue
"Sounds fair to me." said the sheriff
"Well they attacked all of us." said another man from the crowd followed with a few yeahs
"Did they start the fight?" asked the sheriff
"No, but they deserved it" that also followed with yeahs and rabbles
"Aint we supposed to be a friendly village?" this followed with some wells and buts
"And all you've done is attack these poor people, so you should apologize to them" this followed with scattered sorrys under peoples breathe. So the villagers let our heroes go.
"Thanks sheriff the would have killed us with out you." said Billiam
"No problem boys just remember to put me in your tales next time" said the sheriff "the names Chuck by the way Chuck Norris."
Join me next time when our heroes meet the unlikeliest of companions, a talking wolf