Draven cut himself with a rose petal. There was blood in his stool. Badly written smut abounded. But not for him. He sighed as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"im so lonely lol," he sighed, applying his evening lipgloss.

"vampyrs r smexy," said Melody, hiding in his closet. She was pretty/beautiful/better than you. Melody Woodwindersonstein, they called her. It was her name. Her name was Melody Woodwindersonstein and she was pretty. Beautiful. Better than you. Better than herself, even. She, much like vampires, was smexy.

But Draven did not want Melody Woodwindersonstein. He was tired of society's fogy old rules about vampires having to sex up humans. He was much too smexy. In fact, he was down-right h0t.

"damn, he's h0t," Melody Woodwindersonstein often said. She didn't say it to anyone in particular. But, she said it. That's what counted. To her, at least. As I said, she wasn't saying it to anyone in particular.

Draven loved Raven Moonlight. A vampire. A vampire loving a vampire? It was unheard of. But he loved her. Mostly with his groin area—a groin area that Melody Woodwindersonstein wanted.

Everyone looked down on him for it. The loving a vampire, not the groin thing. Most people had groins. Those that did not pretended to. Badly written smut abounded.

But he didn't want to be in that smut without Raven. Her short hair, husky voice, and build like a block. He lurved her. With his groin.

Draven looked out his window. Outside, he saw her. She was wearing a flannel shirt. He found it smexy. With his groin.

"raven!" he yelled out his window. She lookt up at him. "I lurve you11!11!12!118 :)"

"wat do those numbers mean?" she said. "neway, thnx. U 2."

"no wai!"

He glided down from his window, glittering in the light from the street lamp. Actually, he'd put on body glitter. He liked to sparkle. Made him feel pretty. And witty. And… other things.

They embraced. Then, with a loud crash, a saxophone was fired from a cannon. It struck Raven. She died on impact.

"no wai!" screamed Draven, agonizedly.

"wai," said Melody, from his window. She was holding a saxophone cannon.

Using the power of love, she floated down from the window, too. Then, she anally violated Draven. Flutes abounded.

As Draven lay on the street, crying, a flock of birds flew over them. They were ravens. Well, no. Actually, they were rooks. But so few people know the difference…

The ravens/rooks descended on them. It was a murder in more ways than one. Little known fact—ravens always peck your eyes out, and the eyes of anyone near you out. Or, at least, these ones do. It's a plot device.

They lay on the street, blood seeping out of them in seepy patterns like a thing that seeps seepingly. With blood. And a single tear. Then, after a costume change into something snazzier, they stood. Alive. …ish.

"no wai!" they said.

And the narrator told them, "it's time 4 ur musikal #"

"no wai!"

"wai!"

"that's suXX0rs," said Raven.

"watch ur language, young man."

Then they sang. It was a beautiful song. With words—touching ones, that touch your soul. They were truly inspiring. But sharing them would bring about many lawsuits.

Then, they had sex. Badly. With their groins. It was kinda h0t.

end story