A/N: While this story is rated T, it does use some course language. Please be advised that there is one word in the story that begins with F and is four letters. Please be advised and please review.


"I told you not to leave, that in the end it would work out, but did you listen? My words fell on deaf ears on more than one occasion and even as your strength waned – your stubbornness did not. It's funny, it's been two years since you left and every year I show up, and every year I beg for you to come back. Can you not listen to me for once? If God existed he would grant me my wish, he would give me my angel back to me. He never did."

A harsh laugh pushed through the cracked lips of the man as he stared at the stone, stared at what housed his only love.

"Remember that day, when I finally told you? It was raining and you had just forced me through The Notebook for the millionth time – I still can't believe I sat through that."

We were walking home from the theatres, your shirt was clinging to your thin form and my hands itched to push your wet hair from your face. You just smiled at me and danced in the pouring rain, your wet fingers sliding through mine as we danced. I had never felt as free as I had in that moment; you were my guiding angel that day. I remember you slipped on the mud

A more heartfelt chuckle pierced the quiet at this, the tears beginning to gather in the corners of his eyes.

I grabbed you before you hit the ground and we stood like that, wrapped up in each others arms as we stared. Your blue eyes were so wide; it took all my self restraint to not take you there. Instead, I hesitantly put you back on your feet and turned away – I couldn't face you. I remember it all so clearly. I can still hear your voice over the pouring rain.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

I turned around and stared at you, the rain mixing with your tears as they streamed down your face in silent rivers. I didn't want to admit to myself that I loved you, I didn't want to ruin it even though I had subconciously already realized it – I thought I liked you but love was a different concept.

"What am I doing? Me!?"

"Yes you! You are screwing with me Smith! Just stop, drop the act for once"

"What act Saunders?"

Our voices were raised now, yelling at each other within a few sentences and the use of last names was never good. I remember how furious you were and how your petite form shook with restrained anger.

"This act Erik! Stop; just stop trying to please everyone! What do YOU want!?"

It took me less than three strides and I was bearing down on you, my hazel eyes boring into your baby blues with an intensity I didn't believe I possessed.

"This is what I want"

I wasted no time as I slid one hand behind her head and tangled my fingers in her wet hair. With practised precision I pulled your face to mine and crushed your lips with my own. All the anger, the angst, and the longing I felt poured through in that one kiss. Your arms slowly inched up my back and wrapped around my neck, pulling my down to meet you as we broke apart to breath. Your chest was rising and falling with such intensity, such passion, that I just stared. You noticed and in typical you fashion, you slapped me.

"Perv, just because you kissed me does not mean you get to stare at my tits"

Yes, you even said tits – you were so eloquent as an eighteen year old. Do you get it yet Ri? How much I love you, how much I need you? No? Please…I need you so much. Just please come home, come back to me."

The tears were pouring freshly down his face now as he ran a hand through his wavy hair – a sure sign that he was tired.

"That was our first kiss, the most amazing kiss I've ever shared with anyone – and to share it with my best friend! I never told you but I-I stopped taking"

He broke at this, his shoulders slumping as he sighed deeply. The weariness was apparent in his appearance and passer-by's shot him pathetic glances.

"I stopped taking the medication the night before…in preparation. I didn't want to be numb anymore, I wanted to feel and remember every moment. You did that, you made me forget and move ahead. I never told you that did I? That I loved you more than life itself. You made me stop and move on, you made me grow up and you made me forget the worst of it. You helped me become whole again. Do you remember what you told me after we made love for the first time?"

Our legs lay entangled beneath the sheets, your head lolled to one side as you stared up at me through thick eyelashes. I couldn't believe that you were with me; a mystery I still have yet to solve. I was the recluse, the ice man of Waterfront High and you, you were Teria 'Ri' Saunders – the golden girl and most wanted. Sure, we ran in the same circles but I looked down at you and in that moment it made sense. We were the same person; just you were a better actor. You noticed the faraway look in my eyes and you pushed off my chest to raise yourself to eye level with me. Your eyes were serious as you gazed into mine and I couldn't help but play with a lock of your black hair, mesmerized by the colour and softness not for the first time. When you spoke, you commanded attention.

"Erik…"

This wasn't your usual light hearted tone and I took notice, fear coursing through my body as I furrowed my brow and focused in on you – I could feel my tear ducts prepping for the potential waterfall.

"Erik…promise me something"

A huge gust of relief left my body and I smiled slightly, genuinely, and took your hands. Slowly, I traced intricate patterns on your palm as I nodded at you.

"Anything"

"Promise me you'll never leave me"

Your words stunned me and I stopped all movement, watching you with avid attention. Something was wrong; lurking behind those beautiful eyes was a ghost, a demon that was waiting to attack.

"It's funny isn't it? You were the one who left me. I loved you; I still love you more than anything else. How could you not feel the same? You said you did but you didn't tell me, you didn't let me in. I thought we were past it, past the evasiveness and lies. It was today that it happened you know, exactly two years ago today – July 2nd, 2006. Every year I come and every year I pray, I beg, I plead. Every year my wishes and payers go unanswered."

The sun was setting outside, engulfing the small room in shades of red and orange. The man looked around, his eyes adjusting as he noticed he had been here for two hours. It didn't matter, nothing mattered.

"I talked to your Dad yesterday; I told him I was coming here. They've given up on you; they don't think anything will change. They are ready to end it all. Please Ri, please help me – don't let them do it. I-I-I"

His words stuttered to a halt as his body was wracked with sobs, the noise reverberating of the plain walls and hitting him back with twice the force.

"I can't lose you again – not like that. You have to fight this, push back and don't stop pushing. I've missed you so much and I need you back. I miss your soft lips, the way you use sarcasm as a defence, the smell of your vanilla shampoo, the feel of your skin after you get out of the shower – hell, I even miss your cooking. Ri…don't do this to me. You hid it from me, you didn't tell me and now you're here. I could have helped you! We could have helped each other, but you gave up. You fucking gave up. I just can't be-"

His words were cut off by a short, stout woman standing in the doorway. Her white uniform and trolley dictated her position and reason for being here but the man couldn't bring himself to stand.

"Mr. Smith, I'm sorry…but visiting hours are over"

Her tone was apologetic and soft, her heart wrenching at the shell of a man in front of her. With an empty smile he turned to the lifeless form on the hospital bed.

"I love you Ri Smith, don't you ever forget that. Please fight this, come back to me. Don't let them take your life – open your eyes"

He knew his words would go unheard, that his parting comments would be unanswered and rest without an argument. With a gentle touch and a heavy heart he lifted her right hand and kissed the

diamond ring resting there before kissing down the long scars on her arms. The skin was still pink and puffy, even after two years, and it cut him deeply.

"Goodbye my wife, my love…the only one"

And with that he turned and walked past the nurse, whose eyes glistened with unshed tears, and walked out of the hospital room for the last time. The sterile walls mocked him and with every step his tears became harder to ward off. His hands reached blindly for the exit, making contact with nothing as he sunk to his knees, a wail erupting from his throat. He would never see her smile, never hear her laugh and never smell her sweet scent. His shoulders shuddered in restrained pain and he felt the part of his heart that kept him whole, the part that kept him sane and fighting, slowly break away from the rest and shatter into a thousand little pieces. With shaking hands the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the tiny pill bottle, popping the cap off and dropping two anti-depressants into his mouth. He was done fighting.