If you're reading this, then you're probably doing so reluctantly, so I'm going to try to get right to the point. But you have to promise that you'll read this through to the end. Please. Ok, here it goes.
I know it doesn't cut it. I know I hurt you really bad, and I know it feels like you're reopening your wounds by reading this letter, but please hear me out. I never meant to hurt you. I swear to God I didn't. But I did, and for that I'm so, so sorry.
I guess this is where I get to explain myself, but I don't really know what to say. I saw you talking to Rick that day. I know you don't like him that way, I do know. But I couldn't help but feel so jealous, watching him wrap his arm around your shoulders, rubbing your arm, the way he just looked at you. And my imagination just ran away with me. That's why I was acting weird that day.
Then later at the party, when I went to get your drink, I saw you talking again, and then he kissed you. I know now you tried to get away, but then I couldn't see it. All I could see was his lips pressed against yours and something in me just snapped.
I ran away from the two of you, missing the part when you were finally able to push him away and yell at him, and I grabbed the closest girl I could find. I was crazy at that point, crazy with hurt, anger, sadness, shock, and I did the only think I could think of at the time to get the kiss out of my head. I tossed back several drinks. Half and hour later I was drunk and that girl I grabbed was starting to look really pretty. Part of me was telling me to leave before I fucked things up real bad, but another part, strengthened with all the alcohol, told me that it was ok. That you had cheated first so it didn't matter.
So I kissed her. I swear it didn't go any further than that. The rest was just rumours. But still, I cheated, and I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to completely screw things up. God, that was the last thing I wanted. I loved you. You were the only girl I ever took seriously. The longest girlfriend I had lasted for a week. But you, you lasted two months. And let me tell you, they were the best two months of my entire life. I gave you everything I could, did everything I could to show you I cared. Watched the movie you picked out, even if it was a terrible, sappy romantic flick. I wrote you poems, however bad they may have been. I cooked for you, sent you flowers, helped you with your homework, I always kept my promises. I genuinely loved you.
I still do.
Please, give me another chance. I'll do better this time. I promise. Even if you just want to be friends, I'll take it. Because, honestly, I can't live without being on good terms with you. I need to be able to talk to you, to see you. Like the flower needs the sun, I need you.
Please don't leave me out in the cold. I won't survive.