Chamber Pots Fight Back!

It's hard to believe that there are some sad, sorry little beings who have been raised on toilets. 99.9 ½ % of all Americans use theses awful mechanisms. What a horrifying figure! This means that 99.9 ½ % of these people are condemned to doom. Our beautiful water supply has been increasingly dwindling, and this is all caused by the satanic toilets. As water is the key to life, when you flush water down a toilet, you are also flushing down your life. How can we possibly rid the universe of this terror? With chamber pots, of course! That's why we've created a choice of chamber pots so diverse, so unique, that even the most toilet trained human can't resist.
Imagine glow in the dark pots, easy to find in a midnight stroll. Or tye-dyed pots, hand thrown buy the most professional hippies. Just think of the pleasure you'll receive after knowing, deep in your heart, that you are saving the world with every use of the chamber pot. Surely these magnificent creations will create such a rage that even the prominent Harry Potter could not compete with. Speaking of these influential books, they themselves have promoted the chamber pots. In one of the books, the wise, respected headmaster Professor Albus Dumbledoor remarks about his use of these toilet replacers. The second book is also called The Chamber of Secrets. A coincidence? I think not. They are merely signs, signs to bring the community of America together as one, happy, chamber pot using family.
We at CPU (Chamber Pots Unlimited) are determined to untrain the potty trained. To bring the doomed 99.9 ½ % into the joy of saving the ecosystem. So that no American can be accused of wasting the precious resource we know as water. And come this glorious change into non-toiletness, the promise that we will have water for all shall become a gleaming wonder in the eyes of chamber pot users all over the world.