Author's Notes: This was meant as a joke, it was not meant to offend anyone, however, I am fully prepared for the flames to fly my way regarding on my obviously obtuse manner towards some stories. Regardless, it was a joke, and it shall be a joke. It is meant to be funny and creepy at the same time. By all means, enjoy.
Ratings: T for sexual undertone.

Disclaimer: The 'summary' in the story was written by my friend and co-author of another book, Elantil. The name 'Lantil' is obviously a parody of her original pen name. Her stories are quite good, go read them.


Standby

I hate him so much! That idiot had to come barging into my room when I was in the middle of... Well. You know. The point is I hate him! So why does my heart race every time I'm near him?

"… By… Lantil. Are there no good literature out there any more?!"

Groaning, a soft thump indicated a body of average size, for a female, that is, hitting the back of a chair, having been sufficiently disgusted by the summaries you have been browsing through. A long stretch and a loud yawn escaped you, your back creaking from having bent over the glaring screen, because the table just wasn't made to be suited for computers or laptops. It was too short.

Even for you.

Not that you were short, of course, oh no, no way. But, that's beside the point. Currently, you were wondering, just where all the good literature went. Oh, you could remember the days of Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Gone with the Wind, Atonement… Where art thou?

Okay, so your Shakespeare isn't that good, but the point is, are you finally deprived of good literature?

Shaking your head, you decided to call it a night. It was pointless after all, going through hundreds upon thousands of 'I hate him, but he's hot and he likes me', or 'I like him, he likes me, problem, he's a vampire', or 'He's my best friend, I like him, but he sees me as a sister', or… well, you get the drift.

Putting your laptop on standby, you retreated to the safe haven that was your bed. You'll leave the horrors for tomorrow.

Or so you think…


"Oh Edward… Why must you hurt me so…?" You cried, clutching your heart as you crumpled to your knees, watching the tall, dark back of the man you loved walk away from you.

"I told you, we cannot be together, it is not allowed, I can never be with you because I love you." He whispered, oh so seductively, his perfect lips uttering in that voice that left you weak in the knees. You could never deny him, never.

"Will I ever see you again?" You queried, your quivering lips trembling as you watched with large, woeful eyes, praying to whatever Gods that reside above you, to grant your wishes and never have your one true love leave you, even though, everything of his past was a mystery to you.

… … … … …

Wait a second, one true love? You don't even know his past? The hell were you so worked up over this? Looking up from your shocked musings, you decided, it was a bad move. Lips moved nearer, and nearer, the so called porcelain face with Adonis features revealing more and more flaws, that scar there, the small mole, and oh my god, is that a zit? Ew… It even has pus in it!

You forgot about 'loving' him. You screamed.


"Look at the nerd, haha, she can't even match her clothing to save her life. What a dork!" You squinted up at the bright glare, wondering when you had fallen asleep. Glancing down at the open book, you spied some biological notes and cursed inwardly. Mister Walrus Moustache hated it when anybody sleeps in his class. In fact, you were rather surprise that it was the end of the session, yet you weren't in detention. Oh look, you rhymed.

"Shut up, Melanie. You voice pains my ears."

Without giving the blonde, slutty cheerleader another glance, you slipped out of the classroom, heading straight to your locker. It was the same everyday, you, the unpopular kid gets verbally assaulted by the popular, beautiful, rich bimbo who also happens to be crushing on the same guy as you were.

"Hey, Christine."

Your hand faltered, suddenly, you were aware how warm it was in the hallway.

"Y-yes…?"

"You forgot your notebook."

Blushing a furious red, you whispered a 'thank you', accepting the book, your hand ever so slightly touching his, jolting you, you swore you could feel electricity running through your veins.

"Hey… You have anything to do tonight?"

"N-no…"

"Cool! Wanna go watch a movie?"

You could faint on spot, your knees were already melted puddles. Your crush, him, the smart, popular, handsome guy in the whole campus, was asking you out! You tried not to fumble your words, your heart beating so loudly you swear he could hear it, anyone could, for miles. You tried not to look like you were undressing him with your eyes-…

Undressing. Him. Eyes. The hell?! Eyes widening, you watched as the surroundings melted, like some weird sci-fi movie. The walls melted like hot wax, and so did your 'oh so handsome' jock, he was currently a puddle at your feet, literally. His mouth still worked though.

"So, will you go out with me?"

You opened your mouth to answer, but all that came out was a scream as the floor disappeared and you plummet to your death.


"And one, two, three, and one, two, three…"

You hated ballet classes, they were such a bore. Twirling on tiptoes in a ridiculously tight, well, tights, you winced as your abused toes screamed in protest, your rigid back creaked violently as you maintained the pose for 5 more seconds, and released.

"Very good, girls. Now, remember, practice makes perfect, I'll see you on Thursday."

Murmuring a soft 'good night' like the rest of your classmates, you retreated to the changing room, taking a quick shower. There was no way you were walking home all sweaty in tights. Humming to yourself, you allowed your tortured body to take a minute's reprieve, sighing as warm water caressed your heated skin, cooling it slightly, washing away that sheen of sweat that somehow accumulated from a two-hours' practice.

One by one, you heard the rest disappear, calling out good nights and whatnot as they exited the room. Even your instructor went home early tonight, everyone knew you enjoyed a warm shower, so no one was really bothered you were the last again. The guard, Tommy, he'll lock the studio up once you were gone.

Singing to yourself, you continued your little luxury, that was, until you heard a soft thump.

"Who's there?"

Poking your head out, you saw that the place was dark. Shrugging, you pulled your head back into the shower. A bar or chair must have slipped, you thought to yourself, aware of the prickling sensation of someone watching, but brushing it off as your paranoia. There was no way someone would still be there, unless they were ghosts or other spiritual stuff, but you didn't believe that, right?

"I wouldn't be too sure, Bella."

You gasped, dropping the soap as you spun around, finding yourself under the scrutiny of a handsome man, with piercing blue eyes. You squeaked and scrambled for a towel, even though common sense told you to scream. He was rather breathtaking after all, you just forgot where you placed your voice box.

"Who are you?"

"It does not concern you."

You were about to retort, when suddenly, your mind felt a sense of bliss, euphoria, and you closed your eyes, even though your mind told you to snap out of it. But it felt so nice, and you could feel that nice, gentle touch, so cooling, on your heated skin, caressing you.

"You smell so nice… I just couldn't resist, not any more…"

Without any warnings whatsoever, you felt twin pin pricks pierce your neck, and felt yourself get sweep off your feet under the myriad of emotions, of pure feeling, and this handsome creature was the one giving it to you, you didn't mind dying if that was what kept you with him.

"Silly Bella… always thinking so much."

Wait, your name wasn't Bella. Why was your name Bella? You were sure your name did NOT start with 'B'. Snapping your eyes open, you had 5 seconds to register the handsome face morph into a large, Japanese tentacle monster, before you lost yourself in an abyss of darkness, screaming your head off, again.


"He's so hot, you know? Like… totally."

"Oh, my, gosh. I sooo get what you say. He's like… A black haired Brad!"

"Who's that?"

"She's Emily. Goody two shoes…"

"But she's adorable, I wish I had her looks…"

"Are they a thing?"

"Nah…"

You sighed as you overheard the by now very usual conversation. It pained you, especially the last part, since, you wished to be 'a thing' with the black haired Brad Pitt they were talking about. Tall, with sparkling emerald eyes, and dark, shiny black hair you would love to run your fingers through, he was your childhood friend, and now, your crush. But he always treated you like a little sister, completely platonic, you remember him saying once, it broke your heart into a million pieces.

"Hey, Em. Emmy… Are you listening to me?"

A hand waving before your eyes caught your attention, and you turned, red hair bouncing off your shoulders as your dark brown eyes focussed on your current object of desire. "Huh?" Was what you said, an unintelligent answer, but you are forgiven because this Adonis here always managed to shut your brains down. He rolled his eyes, you noticed he has dimples, and he smiled that crooked smile of his, making your heart beat faster, you swore your face matched your hair.

"I said, I have a date. With… I'm sure you can't guess it."

You heart plummeted.

"O-oh… erm… Melissa? Sabrina? Christy?"

"Damn… You always had to put multiple answers. Oh fine, it's Sabrina. She accepted! She finally did!"

You smiled in the face of his happiness, your heart cracking into a million pieces and like Humpty Dumpty, all the King's men could not put it back together again, only one person could, he just didn't see you that way.

"Have fun…"

"I will, thanks, you are such a good friend."

He hugged you, you wished he'd do more than hug, you wished the one he was asking out was you, you felt like crap, you were sure even your hair was not as bright. You felt like you were encased in this never ending block of ice, suffocating, even as other boys came up to you, you coldly brushed them away. They were not him. You wanted nothing to do with them. You only wanted him, why can't he see that?

You only wanted him… the ice walls started closing into you… You only wanted him… sharp edges started forming spears… You only wanted him… leering faces appear on the ice walls… Why in blazes do you want him? You were cornered, and suddenly, you remembered, you do NOT have male best friends, you go to an all girls' school, so who the heck was he?

The ice pierced you before you could even scream.


"I hate him. I hate him, hate him, hate him, hatehimhatehimhatehimhatehim… ARGH! I hate you Aaron!"

You screamed, muffled, into your pink pillow as your hands fisted the sheets beneath you. Pale cheeks were flush red, contrasting your dark brown hair while your eyes glowed with dark anger. That bastard did it again. He was a no good flirt whose only desire was to get a notch to his belt, sleep with the goody two shoes, just like he slept with half the girls in the neighbourhood.

It didn't help that he worked in the same office as you.

You were fresh out of college, taking on a part time job, he was the C.E.O. of the company, in other words, your boss of sorts. Ever since the first day you started work, he has been giving you these looks, and he doesn't even act decent about it. All the other females in the office were heads over toes for him, going all mushy and cooing over him when he walks past, in fact, one even fainted over him.

Bloody bastard.

You pummelled the poor abused pillow as you screamed your frustration. He was now picking on you, simply because you were hard to catch, you ignored him, you insulted him, you did everything you could to make him lose interest, but it only seems that he is even more interested than before.

Doesn't matter, you thought, standing when you heard the doorbell ring. You'll just slap him the next time you see him look at you the wrong way.

"Hey…"

You nearly slammed the door in his face, but his damnable foot was in the way, and while you have no qualms crushing it, his shoes were too thick. "What do you want." Your tone was curt, and your face was flushed with anger. That's right, anger. It has nothing to do with how he looks like right now, a plain white shirt, buttons undone at the top, with a pair of tight black jeans, nope, nothing to do with those at all.

"I told you we needed to talk about that project."

Oh yeah, the project. Jerking your head, you let him in, muttering under your breath about idiots and perverts. But at least, it seems, he was all about business tonight. It was well into midnight by the time you two were finish, and you yawned, struggling to stand with the files in your arms, ready to fall straight to bed and sleep.

"Mind if I sleep on the couch?"

You turned around so fast, you nearly had a whiplash. Glaring at him, you had this 'get out of my house' look on your face. He ignored you, grabbing the stack of files from you and putting them away. Turning around, he gazed at you, heatedly, and you felt your heart stop.

"I know you want me…"

"Like hell I do, jerk."

"Don't deny it… I could hear your heart from here…"

"Well, it just stopped, so excuse me but I'll have to restart it."

Belatedly, you realized you just admitted that your heart stopped because of him. Damning yourself, you gulped, looking up into that sexy face, those eyes caressing every part of you, even though he's standing in the middle of the room and you are at one corner. You swore you could feel his breath, a minty smell, your favourite.

Suddenly, he was in front of you, trapping you with those strong arms, his face inches from your own, nose almost touching. Your hands were on his chest, palm out, a feeble attempt to stop him for your body knew what it wanted. You tried to squirm out of the way, but his arms acted like prison bars, stopping you. Your face was warm, too warm, his hand felt cool, and the other…

Snapping your eyes open, you opened your mouth, and screamed.

"RAPE!"


"Please… don't leave me…"

You had a sense of déjà vu, this scene was vaguely familiar, except, now, there was no tall, dark silhouette, only the outline of what looked like a tomb stone, you couldn't make out the name.

"Why? I loved you, you loved me, everything was perfect. Why did you leave me? WHY?!"

You screamed into the night, scattering a family of birds nearby, the empty graveyard offered no solace, and you wailed your despair, like a mourning mate deprived of its other half. Clinging to the tombstone, you continued drenching the dark, unyielding surface with your pearly tears, letting the little droplets fall and break upon the surface, under which lay your dearly beloved, who had left you forever, alone…

"Don't cry, love… please… don't cry."

Snapping your head up, you turned, tears marring your vision as you spotted him. You gave a cry of joy, and lunged towards him, your hands outstretch, willing him to catch you like he always did, like he always will…

…only to fall onto the hardened ground.

Aghast, you turned, watching him smile at you sadly, before you noticed, you could see the tombstone THROUGH him. Shock rumbled through you, and if you weren't already on the ground, you would have crumpled.

"No…"

"Please… Don't cry any more… I won't leave you, I swear…"

"No… Why… Why must God be so cruel?!"

You burst into a fresh round of tears, that seem to be endless, what with the amount you have spilt. It was a wonder, really. He looked on helpless, unable to do anything, but merely watched you cry, and cry, and cry…

"Please, dear. Don't… It'll be fine soon, everything will be fine."

You decided, yes, everything will be fine. He was here, albeit, you can't touch him, but all that matters was he was here, right? Nodding, you stood, smiling wearily at him. "I guess… Let's go home, dear."

"Go home? But we already are home, love."

"… Wha…?"

Belatedly, you noticed something that was definitely wrong with the ground. Smooth, unmarred Earth now had things poking out, bony things, skeletons. Belatedly, you realized, if ghosts were real, so were zombies and vampires and things that go bump in the night.

"It'll be alright soon… Welcome home, love."

Screeches and wails of the unholy creatures drowned your screams for help.


You jerked awake, panting, sweat making your hair stick to your brow. That was one hell of a nightmare…

Reaching towards your bedside table, you grope blindly for your bottle of water, hoping to quench your dry throat, when something soft brushed against your clammy skin.

You squeaked, scooting into the far corner of your bed, wielding your deadly… You took a moment to stare at the thing in your hand. A pencil. You wielded your deadly pencil in the general direction of the soft, feathery touch.

"Who's there?"

A chuckle greeted you. "Why, your guardian angel, of course."

Slowly, light filtered into the room, or rather, your eyes got used to the darkness. A white winged being, with hair white as moonlight and glittering silver eyes glanced at you, amused, a smirk adorning his features as he studied your frenzied actions.

"What is this, another dream? What, am I supposed to make out with you or something?"

"You can if you wish. But you are not dreaming. I am quite real, I assure you."

You narrowed your eyes sceptically, before deciding to poke yourself with the pencil.

"Ow!"

"Told you this is not a dream."

Against your better judgment, you leapt out of bed. There was one way to tell if this was a dream. All your nightmares woke when you started getting… intimate. So… what better way to find out?

"What are you mmmph!"

Tugging him down, you planted a firm kiss upon his lips. The first thing you noticed was, that he was cool, and he smelt nice, it reminded you of winter, the smell of fresh snow. After a few more minutes of pressing your lips to his, you blushed. You didn't know what to do, you never kissed anyone before anyway. Sensing your hesitancy, he smirked, again, and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you up as you squeaked into his mouth. Something wet brushed across your lips, earning a gasp from you, and you suddenly found your mouth invaded by a slick, hot muscle.

'Any time now', you thought, mewling slightly at the taste of your guardian angel. 'Come on, we're moving on to the sex part already…' Sure enough, you could feel his fingers brush your bare skin beneath your pajamas, and you blushed deep red even though he couldn't see it. Your mind was more focussed on mapping out his mouth, his tongue, his fangs…

Wait… fangs?

Pulling back abruptly, you broke the kiss, in time to see the white wings that decorated his back slowly turn dark, its soft feathery texture merging into a dark, leathery substance, with talons at the end of the joints. Horrified, you shifted your gaze to his eyes, and noticed the silvery depths were swirling, giving way to a dark red, the colour of blood.

It was the same red that adorned the tips of his now black hair.

You tried scrambling away, but his hands held you fast, and you could feel something pierce you, his nails, apparently, had grown long. Soft whimpers escaped you as you felt blood trickle down your skin.

"You will never escape…" He whispered, even as you hyperventilated, your brain shutting down from shock.

"Never escape…"


"AHHHHH!"

You leapt out of bed, panting, eyes wild, scanning every corner of the room. It was a nightmare. You told yourself. There were no such things as demons and ghosts and guardian angels. You were still in college, not working. You have no male best friends from childhood. You didn't take ballet classes. You did not have black hair. You most definitely were not lusting after some random guy named Edward.

Deep breaths, you told yourself, forcing your mind to calm, your heart to stop racing.

"Sweetie? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine mum, just… eh… erm… thought it was a rat."

"There's no rat in our house, sweetheart. Go back to sleep."

You could tell your mother was a little miffed at your rat comment. She didn't like implications that her house was filthy. Smiling wearily to yourself, you snuggled back under the covers, frowning when you saw the glaring screen of your laptop blinking at you. Yawning, you rose, putting it on standby before snuggling back into bed, easily falling into the world of dreams.

You never noticed the crimson lights blinking silently.

You never heard the voice whispering…

"You'll never escape…"