4All the weird things started when I was 10, two years ago, during one of our annual family vacations. But by now, I've gotten used to having interesting things occur. A few uneventful months went by after the issue at Mum's office building and I was looking forward to hopefully having just a normal, relaxing summer vacation.
"Darned thing," I grunted as I pushed the luggage cart back down the hall of the hotel my family was staying at. The front wheel on the right was wobbling crazily as it rolled, making it almost impossible to steer. The other three wheels squeaked terribly, accompanying each step I took with a cacophony of metallic screeches. I was just about the leave it in the lobby, when suddenly I saw a strange sight. Outside of the hotel's rotating doors, Gandalf the Grey was standing, looking slightly impatient. Curious, I pushed the cart out the doors and faced the wizard.
"Hello," I said. Gandalf didn't say anything. I stood there watching him for a moment before asking, "What's up?" Then he sighed.
"Jeremy," he said. "You know, I have been standing here for at least half an hour, and he still hasn't shown up!"
"Who hasn't?" I asked.
"Harry Potter! He was supposed to pick me up on his way home from his vacation to Norway, but he still hasn't arrived!"
"Oh," I said. "That's a bummer." We were silent for a moment, and I got the feeling he was going to the ask me to do something. Most people I stop and talk to do. Sure enough, he frowned, then turned to me.
"Hey Jeremy, do you want to go tell Harry to hurry up?" he asked me. "I really can't wait here all day."
"Oh, okay," I said, tightening the straps on my backpack. "No problem. Norway, you said?"
"Yup. Oh, and one more thing." He rummaged in his cloak pocket for a moment before bringing out a small object. He flipped it to me and I caught it. "Chuck this in a volcano while you're out and about."
I looked at the object in my hand. It was a golden ring, and I was slightly surprised.
"What about Frodo?" I asked him, slipping the ring into my backpack. Gandalf shrugged.
"He's away on a cruise." I nodded and stepped onto the luggage cart.
"If my mum comes down and asks about me, it'd be great if you let her know where I am," I said to the wizard and began pushing the cart like a skateboard. Gandalf nodded and waved goodbye.
For something so useful, luggage carts sure can be painful. First I ran into a bush while still in the parking lot, and then I got stuck in the mulch bed. Even when I finally got going down the highway, it made those terrible squeaking sounds all the way. I was at a good cruising speed and about to pass a Smart Car when suddenly a spy car cut me off.
"Nice blinker, buddy!" I screamed at the car as it sped past. I think it must have heard me because it suddenly whirled around in the middle of the four lane highway. Tires screamed as fifty other cars were stopped, and one collision burst into flames. The driver of the spy car seemed not to care, though, because the door opened ever so slowly, and I saw a black boot step out. I stopped the luggage cart and eyed the spy car suspiciously. Then all of the other doors opened and twenty black clad ninjas got out and turned towards me.
"You'd think ninjas would have a cooler car," I thought to myself. The ninjas did some sort of formation and froze, as if waiting for something.
"Um...hello," I said. The ninjas said nothing in return. Obviously it was not the exchange of pleasantries that they were looking for.
"Well, well, well," a voice said. I looked up to see a tall man in a pinstripe suit walk around the side of the car. He was older than my parents with a grey beard and he was too skinny to be healthy. "Look whose road rage spoiled our road trip to Washington DC." My eyes grew wide.
"Road rage!" I spluttered. "You're the one who cut me off WITHOUT a signal!" The man threw back his head and laughed. The ninjas didn't move a muscle.
"Which is precisely why twelve-year-olds don't drive. I really don't appreciate you making the start of our vacation less than pleasant, so I'll return the favour." He nodded to the ninjas and retreated back into the car.
"I'm almost to the airport," I yelled at him. "This is the end of my trip there, not the start!" It seems he didn't care though, because I heard nothing from him. Suddenly the ninjas jumped at me, moving so fast I almost didn't have time to hop back on the luggage cart and manoeuvre it out of the way. Soon, all I saw was the black fabric of their ninja combat suits as they attempted to anielate me. I pushed the cart as fast as I could, but still four ninjas managed to fling themselves onto it with me. I was having a lot of trouble trying to steer the cart around the wreckage caused by the spy car's sudden turn. One ninja took a swing at me, and I had no choice but to push it off and send it flying onto the pavement rushing by below. The remaining three tried to pin me against the bar of the cart, and I was forced to pull a u-turn in the middle of the interstate highway to throw them off.
"Uuuie!" I screamed as the cart skidded around. The ninjas cried out as they were thrown away from me, but I was laughing from the rush of the turn. "It's like a roller coaster!"
The ninjas behind me, I was once again on my way to find Harry Potter in Norway to tell him to pick up Gandalf. Knowing they would still be there if I tried to go back that way, I decided to take the less beaten path to the airport and I hung a left onto a deer path in the woods. As I pushed the cart along, I dug around in my backpack for my portable GPS system. Branches whizzed by me, occasionally whacking me in the face, as I navigated my way through the woods to the airport. It took me an extra half-hour than it would have if I had driven on the highway, but at least no ninjas, giants or ticked-off faeries attacked me on the way. I rolled into the airport relived that I had made it in one piece but my happy mood was significantly diminished when the airport manager told me that they didn't let twelve-year olds use their private jets.
"But I have a license!" I pleaded, trying to make her understand. She was shorter than me and had silver hair. She was steadily growing more annoyed with me, I could tell, but I needed a plane. "I'll be so careful with it, I promise, and it's really important that I get it, I told him that I'd find the guy who is supposed to pick him up in Norway!" The manager looked at my license and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Who is it you're supposed to pick up?"she asked me.
"Harry Potter. He's on vacation." Both eyebrows shot up.
" that right? And who sent you? Yoda?" I laughed.
"No, I've never met Yoda," I said. "It was Gandalf. He was on vacation in my hotel." She was nodding, but I don't think she believed me.
"Well," the manager said. I could see that her name was Wendy from her name tag. "I am so sorry, Mr Falconer, but we simply do not let twelve year olds on a mission from Gandalf borrow our private jets."
"But my licence-" Wendy cut me off before I could protest any further.
"Mr Falconer, I suggest you return to your parents and drop this joke of you before you miss your flight to wherever you are going and stop bothering airport employees." When I didn't move, she continued. "If you persist on troubling any employees with your raving, I will be forced to remove you and your family from this airport." I sighed. She just didn't get the fact that it was really important.
"Look, Wendy," I began, rummaging through my backpack under the counter. "I don't know why people ask me to do things for them, it just happens. I guess I have the aura of a helpful person. But you don't seem to get that. I really need that jet." Before she could reply, I pulled out an object of doom from my backpack and screamed, "Feel my wrath!" Wendy sighed and pushed a button on her phone.
"Security please," she said into it, and I looked at what was in my hand, wondering why there had been noeffect.
"Oh..." I said. In my hand was a jar of honey. You know the kind that comes in the container shaped like a teddy bear? Yeah, that kind. What can I say, though? You wouldn't believe how useful a jar of honey can be, but waving it around screaming "Feel my wrath" did not really have that big of an effect. "Dang."
I could hear the security people coming down the hall, so I quickly shoved the honey back in my backpack and felt around.
"Aha, here it is...Feel my wrath!" This time I pulled out my hologram device and held it in the air. I can understand why I made the mistake with the honey jar; the hologram device did kind of resemble a teddy bear. I lifted my finger and dramatically pressed the start button.
Nothing happened.
"Wow, this really isn't my day!" I said, and shook the device. It flickered and then started, projecting a hologram of a giant troll into the international airport. Now this troll wasn't really the kind of troll you'd see hiding under a bridge in a children's story. This troll was pretty hairy, not in a good way, and was enormously ugly. In short, it was enough to make dear Wendy faint. Even with the evil airport manager out of the way, I still had airport security now sprinting at me, after seeing Wendy go down. I started to turn the hologram towards them, when it decided that maybe the batteries needed a vacation too, and it flickered out of existence.
"What? No!" I shook the device, sufficiently stressed out at this point. I turned, wide eyed and saw airport security mere metres from me and I did the thing I was best at.
I plunged my hand back into my backpack, pulled out my football helmet (I'd played for a season a few years ago, but I didn't like it. Not enough action, I'd found), jammed it on my head and with a fantastic war cry my friend Dillon taught me, I charged towards the oncoming security guards, much as I had back at home when I charged the alien SWAT officer. That was when I decided to keep a helmet in my bag.
The security guards didn't seem too fazed by that, though, or they didn't have time to process what was happening. We met with an epic collision, something that you can imagine bards singing about, if there were any bards around. The initial impact took out two guards, but there were still seven others for me to handle.
"Calm down, kid, we'll find your parents," one said as he tried to grab me. I danced out of the way.
"No!" I cried, spinning away from him. "Mum'll kill me if she finds out about this! I'm grounded as it is!" I got away from them a bit and swung my backpack onto my shoulders. "If only I had time to reach my asbestos lined gloves, my banana and my container of liquid nitrogen!" I thought as I scrambled away. People were starting to stare now. You'd think that the troll would get their attention, but it seemed that the Air Canada passengers waiting for their plane were only just waking up.
I ran past them, the security guards close behind, and I honestly can't imagine what was going through their heads as they watched us go. I skidded around a corner, heading for the private jets parking lot, when someone stepped in front of me. I just barely managed to stop before I gasped out,
"What is it with people cutting me off today?" Then I saw who it was. I'll give you a hint. Small, green, big ears and currently wearing a hibiscus flower shirt. Yep, you got it, Yoda on vacation.
"Jeremy Falconer," Yoda said.
"Oh. Hi Yoda," I replied, surprised. "It's a pleasure, it really is, but you see there are these security guards chasing me, an-" Yoda held up his hand to stop me.
"Young Jeremy, I will help you. You simply have to use the force." Then Yoda pulled out his insane light-sabre and launched himself at the guards coming around the corner.
"Wow, that's even more impressive than it is on TV!" I thought and watched as the blur of green and yellow flowers that was Yoda took out every single one of the seven guards, leaving them groaning on the floor. People were really staring now.
"Thanks Yoda," I said as he walked back to me. "Just please don't let my mum know that eleven people are now unconscious because of me." He smiled and nodded.
"It was nothing, Jeremy. Any time, really. But," I almost groaned. Of course there was a 'but'. "I would like you to do something for me." I took a breath.
"Um, I'm really sorry Yoda, but right now I'm doing something for Gandalf, and my family's on vacation, so now isn't really the best time..." Yoda smiled and waved his hand.
"Of course, of course. I'll come and find you later, then. Because it is kind of important, so you can be sure that we will be speaking again soon."
"Great." I forced a smile. I wasn't sure if I'd be happy with what Yoda wanted done. It was sure to be difficult, but it was really the least I could do for him after he helped me shake off the guards.
"Well, you should be on your way, and say hello to Gandalf for me! Tell him I'm finally getting away to Florida." I smiled and shook his hand.
"Sure thing." It sure was odd, seeing Yoda in that bright yellow flower shirt, but I guess everyone needs a vacation sometime.
I knew that more security people were definitely after me, from what they had surely seen on the security cameras. I continued running out onto the parking lot for the private jets, all of them neatly put away in their spots like sports cars. I took a moment to find the fastest one, then I ran around looking for a stair car to help me get up. I quickly climbed to the sealed door, then let my backpack drop to my feet. I unzipped it and pulled out my lock-picking kit. I unrolled it and flipped through the instructions pamphlet to find the airplane jacking page.
"Here it is," I sang. Yes, I sing when I'm under pressure. Carefully, I pulled out two tools from the kit and tenderly opened the door. "Boo-yah," was my only celebratory song as I pilled everything back into my backpack and entered the jet. It was quiet inside, I was relieved for that, and I slipped into the cockpit, grateful to finally sit down. Then I stiffened.
"Oh gosh," I moaned and slapped my head. I had forgotten to lock up the luggage cart! Who knew if it was going to be there when I came back? Then how was I going to return to the hotel? And oh gosh, the hotel might have fees for lost luggage carts. "Well, nothing to do now. Let's go." I sighed, fervently hoping that no-one wanted a luggage cart with a wobbly front wheel, and I started the plane. I stuck the headset on my head and explained my mission to the traffic control officer on the other end of the line. She didn't seem too pleased with me either, so I cut the line and moved the plane out onto an empty runway, praying another plane wasn't scheduled to come in at the same time I was going out.
"Let's do this," I said to myself and I hit the gas, taking the plane up up up into the air and headed to Norway.
The Amazing Adventures of Jeremy Falconer
Volume 2, Part 1