Catch Me When I Fall

He took me for a ride in his set of mesmerizing azure eyes. But I tore away before this ride even reached its halfway point. I spun on my heel and took off before a single word could escape through his lips. I left him there, probably dumbfounded and staring at my retreating silhouette.

It's always been like this. For sixteen long years, my heart has been brutally shut away from the world. I wanted to experience the warmth of love, and allow the exhilarating rush of romance to tingle through every nerve in my body. And hypocritically, at the same time, love was the one thing I kept pushing away and running from. I summoned a brick wall that would forever barricade me from the tantalizing hands that inched towards me, ready to take mine. Because I knew. I knew that it couldn't end well. I was not a princess in some absurd fairytale and therefore I was not guaranteed a sugar-coated happily-ever-after. So that was how I protected myself, suppressing my hopes in order to secure minimal disappointment; if I did not jump too high, then the crash landing would not be as painful.

I had never experienced the terrorizing angst of loss, and yet I feared it like it had once swallowed me whole and left me suffocating in endless agony. I sometimes wonder how people are able to so easily reopen their hearts to the world. Wound after wound, they still went back and gave the world another chance. Meanwhile, I kept running, running away from what could result in my first injury.

Maybe it was like learning to walk when you were a toddler, or learning to ride your bike for the first time. You fail, you lose your grace, you fall down, and you bruise. But you get back up and keep trying. As time progresses, those bruises will fade, overlapped by your gratifying achievements.

I stopped running. I turned around and found the same pair of eyes that stared into mine not too long ago. He looked tired, and I was too. We let our hearts slow down from their accelerated beating, but we were just preparing for something even more heart pounding that was to come.

"Fall for me." He requested in between his panting.

Crushes were called crushes for a reason, but I was ready to take my first fall.

"Only if you promise to catch me." I smiled.