In times of great duress, man often finds his courage to face his darkest fears. He strives to obtain the light in spite of his evil nature, and whereas he, as a creature of both enlightened thought, and incendiary will and drive, pursues what he wants. Man is never sated and the day that he come to be so, the world itself will turn on its head. Even as you lay here Michael, you can find no hope or solace in yourself, in Mira Passik or the society of decadence. You've existed from one extreme to the next, and you've not found a niche. You'll never find it, Michael, because it doesn't exist for you. It is a hopelessness that can never be dissipated, if not for yourself alone, then for others, who ride foolishly upon the enlightened thoughts that they will debase the evil in the world, when in reality, its their own natures which lead them astray. To sin, is not necessarily be considered to be unchaste or to possess sleight of hand or even to slay what is necessary to be slain, but it is the inability for one to acknowledge the primal instinct that Man possesses. Even the Elves are guilty of this, and they can live forever as you do, provided no one should slay them in combat, or cause them a broken heart. The fact of the matter is... the world is hopeless. You... are hopeless. You've not a word that can be spoken that can change this fact. Even if the gods found greater favor, you are only one creature that can affect but so many things, and until you become indestructible, your life is little more than a candle that could always be snuffed out at anytime.
The world had changed around me as always, in the schema of hoping to convince me that the life I desired to live would be placed in my head if I were obedient to Serosi's will. Even at my own pace, I found that this world was a far cry from the reality of life, which was the only thing that kept my sanity from escaping the last of my earthbound vessel. Surely, I could understand that the very nature of life itself, was to take from the world for personal reasons, but I knew death meant that it was to give it all back so that someone else can use it. This world, however, demonstrated that lack of natural law, and this was the thing that made it so I could always be defiant. I operated solely on natural law and reason, but it always became prevalent at moments of great duress, emotion would surface and stain my cheeks as if I were some angel descended from above to retrieve a soul from the clutches of darkness. My only vampiric man child, Daruse, had been this way, and for one such as him, he had been very wise and strong. I saw to make him as strong as I could, for I never did predict where the outcomes could lie in life, and so it was the best that I do as a sire, and as a friend to make them as strong as I could. What they did on their own makes for little of my own knowledge, for I never wanted to take their humanity completely. The blood, it can change people in ways I never thought possible and it could… or could it be that it was amongst the many reasons that I found favor with Serosi? The blood need was greater now, for I muffled it out of my soul but for a moment as I sank down into the darkness. The world was black around me, but I realized that it was the caked blood over my eyes that held them shut. I was too weak to move of my own accord, but I returned my thoughts to my childe, Daruse.
Daruse was one of the few males in my lifetime that I would turn, for I found him to be wholly devoted to his cause, which meant he would be wholly devoted to his sire. Upon my first time with him, or at least laying my eyes upon him, I knew that he would find favor in me somehow. There was something about him that spells a dangerous, but delirious intoxication that most women and even some men would love to have apart of them. Cleverly, I found also a personal bond with him, for we at one point, shared a common interest: We had both contracted and had been dying from The Sickness. In a nutshell, The Sickness is an antigen that preceded the Cosmic Interloper, and it infected the land as we know it to be now. Creatures had become deformed, stricken and forced to the Will of The New planet trying to overtake the old. Its malignant spread across the land was more in the human cities, and took the human populace from an overwhelming majority, and brought them down to near extinction. The gruesome smell of dead flesh always permeated my nostrils when I thought of the being known as The Comet. The stench of the putrefaction of life was always lingering about those who went near or worshipped The Comet. As a vampire, I couldn't say I didn't benefit from the apparent darkness that lasted for what would be forever. Of course, it was even ordained thousands of years prior, so it was nothing out of the ordinary that I met Daruse under the same circumstances that Contessa met me. I knew as a childe, his intelligence would serve me well, but him as well. He had a thirst for learning things, and he never exhibited an over dependence upon me for anything, which doubly made me more curious to him. I made my best to make him strong, and the blood exchange was heavy to ensure that I shared with him my most triumphant and tragic moments; I wanted Daruse to know that the life in which he was to enter was not one of fun and games, but of something that was now his for all time, and should he get strong enough, it will certainly be for all time indeed.. The passing of blood was enough to nearly make me faint, for his pull was as strong as I pulled against Contessa as I drank long and deep of the vampires ere I died in her lap. Of course, I couldn't be lying here in stasis if I was truly dead, but I knew the same was for Daruse. There was something about this man that was more than what I saw. His intelligence and his introspection as well as his incisiveness and average strength coupled with his growing vampiric handsomeness made for him a formidable force to be reckoned with. In spite of the fact that I was never into men, I loved Daruse as a son and as one that would be with me as we walked through eternity as friends, as family and as blood. To me, Daruse was the world I lived in all over again, but only this time, I was the one in the position of power to permit him to die a mortal death or into immortality through death and resurrection by the blood. Of course, like Amira, I chose Daruse not only for the qualities they possessed that would be of use to me, but because they possessed the one thing I felt I never had.
They had a full fledged sense of humanity. They could still love the human world, while I still forever hated it on some twisted sense of thought.
It was the real reason I ever sought to keep the humans down. It was through them that I learned my kind was hated so, and that they would hunt a rather peaceful people. It was the hatred of the human race that taught me the law of the survival of the fittest, and that if you cannot stand you cannot fight. Ironically, I am also human… at least half-way so. I was born a Halfling, meaning (without the excess meandering) that I am the result of the wedlock of an Elven father and a human mother. Needless to say, in the village of Klor Nok, I and my twin brother, Jon were received in such a mixed fashion. For twin boys, I inherited most of the dexterity, good lucks and intelligence, but my brother was completely a muscle bound lunk-head and that I never seen such strength in a creature. Not for one as young as us. Thankfully, Jon is a bout as intelligent as a Goldfish…
However, the world itself is oft not written such pleasantries in mind, and despite the fact that I lay to reminisce; I haven't a true understanding of what is really happening to me.
It is not hard to see that the world in which you contrive in your own thoughts is a beneficial as it is to being here. Your mind purges things which you see no truth and no desire to be truth, and now you don't want to convince yourself that you know that He is the way? Even as you think of family and of friends, who could you turn to now that can help you? No one can help you. No one can try to reach you, and only the other Gods would try, and your Chaos and Amethyst, they will not impede Lord Serosi from his will, for Chaos respects free choice and shall as you to chose as Serosi has. Amethyst will not want to object, for she will dislike such confrontational behavior. Mayhap, my little lord, why have not you given yourself already? Give yourself to him, and see yourself as you should be, a prince among princes and King to be above all other earthbound kingdoms. Why is it you disbelieve in his power to bring things to pass? Its not that you disbelieve, you believe there is a catch-twenty two, and not as legitimate as he says it would be. Figures, you're a vampire, and you're also trying to be a bit pragmatic in handling the deity for whom and what he is. My, you are a very brave soul indeed. Keep yourself to doing things wisely and you may see what he says and does for you.
I knew that my thoughts weren't totally mind, or at least that is what I wanted to think of. Of course, I could always worry what the hell Serosi had planned, but I knew that it would lead to me getting killed, for I was already a sitting duck upon the marsh and just waiting for the bullet to pierce my gizzards to set me on my way South of Heaven.
Mira… my beloved and greatest of loves; Mira Passik, you are the one I love the most and the love of a thousand stars shines deeply in your eyes at night. How I miss you so.
My thoughts drift you, my love. I don't know where or how I am doing, but I know that I need your sorely. My body is weak, and I am held to the bosom of Serosi. I've no idea when I will return, but I ask you my love to please wait for me. I know that I am not the world's most agreeable creature, but I do love you. My little Amazoness and wise woman, I need you to be hear when I can return to the land of the living. I am not in the land of the dead, nor am I with you, and this is something that makes for an interesting pass, at least where I am concerned. I miss you sorely even I as I lay here, dying and bleeding for my arrogance, I write my elegy along the darkness. In my heart, I only lament not getting to say goodbye to you in your arms, but I fear that my torpor is near and near until I cannot handle it so much to speak to you. My eyes can cry no more blood tears and I cannot even move from the tomb in which I am laid. Pray that I have been given mercy by being given the blood that would heal me and free me from the darkness of the world that I reside and dwell in.
Mira, my passionate flame and wild rose, I need of you a love that can be no greater than the times of life that exceed my greatest expectations of love. No. I need of you and only you to love me as equally as I could love you as I lay in the darkness of my own lamentation, and I could not wish it so that I could be free, for I fear that I could never be nor see your again. I miss the sweetness of your voice and the sensual grace of your touch in my hair, upon my skin and upon my lips. Whence came this punishment visited upon me, I could not remember your name, but I fight to see your face, and push my powers beyond the limits that I need do. I only want to comfort myself in your arms and yours alone and I would give up all things that meant the world to me, if it meant your love would be as eternal as our lives are. Perhaps, I can say I was glad to be at the stable that day. We might have beaten the living hell out of each other, but I know that in the end, the gods put a good vampires in my path to show me where I err, but to give me a love that even I, for all my wickedness and cruelty, deserve.
Mira Passik, it is my only and sincerest hope… that when I arise again and return to the world, that you would be there to welcome me back it and give me the understanding and the hope that there is more to the world than what I see. Teach me, my love… what it means to see with unbiased eyes…
If I only knew that Serosi had been behind these thoughts, I might have known that indeed had not been alone in my head. While I had Mira in mind, did he do this to get the words and submission he sought?
Or was I just overburdened.