Here it is! The prologue to Capture, the replacement for Help. Enjoy.
I am perfect. I am special, I am neat, I am pretty, nice, and an all-around good person.
If you believe that for a second, you are an idiot.
I'd love to be told that I'm pretty or nice or an all-around good person. Yeah, right. No, I'd love to be told that I'm sarcastic and snarky and mean. More often then not, I'm not told anything at all. I'm ignored. Which, I suppose, is why I felt the need to write all this down. Trust me, I suck at writing. I can't imagine what sort of state of mind I was in to begin writing all this down. But for some reason, here I am, balling up paper after paper of crappy writing, and this is all I have to show for it.
I hate myself so much right now.
Maybe I should start at the beginning, yeah? That sounds good to me. Here we go.
Never mind. Maybe I should start with myself.
Hi, my name is Shay, and I will be your sarcastic narrator for today. What's that? You want to know more about me? Why, I'm flattered, really, I am. If you insist...
I have very long black hair that I refuse to dye. I didn't dye it black, I swear. It's how I am. I put a couple of blue streaks in it, though. No particular reason for that. I just felt like it. They match my eyes, too.
No, that's not true. My eyes are green. I've heard someone whispering about me before, and she said my eyes were the most disturbing thing she'd ever seen. I thought about showing her something more disturbing right then, but somehow I figured that would be a bad idea seeing how there were police all over the place. I have no need to get arrested again, thank you very much.
Ooh, you think I'm some sort of bad girl now, don't you? You couldn't be more right. Yeah, I've been arrested before. No one cares what for, though, do they? Just as long as they know I've been arrested. That's enough for them. Idiots. It's not like I murdered someone.
I just know a guy who did.
He just so happens to be my boyfriend, too.
Yeah, go on, run away from me now. You're scared I'll send him after you, aren't you? Because I'm so mean and tough like that. Idiots.
Anyway, would you like to know more about me? Hmm? Tough luck, I'm done talking about myself now. I could talk about my friends if I was so inclined, but I'm not. So I won't.
This story sucks already. Hooray. Well, I suppose there's no stopping now. I'll just have to keep going, because once something starts with me, I've found that it won't stop until it's ready to stop. Anyway, go on. Go read more about me and my Wondrous Adventures of Happiness and Joy. Because that's what they are, definitely.