47A/N: Alright, and this is the epic ending we've all been waiting for. I was writing through tears. No jokes. Thank you for sticking with me, and I hope to hear from you all again soon. I have something new brewing.
The radio was buzzing softly in the background. The night was wrapped around the car like a massive cloak; only the headlights able to break through long enough to guide them to destinations unknown.
Dyami was tired.
He was so tired his lids kept slipping and then jerking back open, as if miniature weights had been attached to his lashes. He fought against the excess weight. Nara was still sleeping silently next to him. She had been asleep for a solid six hours already. It was just past five in the morning, and daylight had yet to break. He envied her calm.
He hadn't been 'calm' in nearly twenty four hours. The stress was getting to be exhausting. Everything in his body was starting to hurt. Every muscle was seizing. Every joint was aching. He was stiff, and sore, and tired and it was starting to take its toll on his mind. He kept drifting into strange musings halfway between thoughts. He couldn't keep anything straight. Everything was garbled in his brain. Words were just sliding around pointlessly. It was getting ridiculous.
The name of the establishment was lost on him. He ignored it, because he couldn't possibly make himself care. All he saw was: Vacancy 50mi
Fifty miles and he could sleep. He could finally sleep.
He looked over at Nara again. She could wait. He had all night, after all. She could wait for him to get his needed rest.
Was this how it would be? He would sleep and she would go about business, and then she would sleep and he would go about his? Always on different schedules? Losing track of one another?
It didn't seem like much of a tragedy…
Everything in the room looked as if it was from a bad movie. Dyami could almost feel the floor crawling with invisible life, even with his shoes on. He wasn't that picky, though. He had nothing better, besides sleeping in the car. He wasn't sure all six foot three of him could make that painless in any way. So here he was.
Nara had to be practically dragged into the room. She was still lacking coherency, and fading in and out of consciousness.
The motel clerk had given him a rather vile look when he stepped into the head office and asked for a room. It was six in the morning, and the sun was still desperately clinging to the horizon, trying to make its ascent into the sky. Upon passing by one of the windows he understood why. His eyes were dark, and lined with what looked to be bruises. His skin was chalky and sallow. He looked sickly.
When they got into the poorly lit, poorly designed room, Nara fell face first onto the bed and fell asleep immediately. Dyami crawled in next to her and closed his eyes.
Everything around him was suddenly brighter. The air was thicker. He was aware of every microscopic movement. Dyami was hyperaware. His eyes opened.
He had never felt so awake. He was so tired, and yet he had never felt quite this alert. He should be absolutely exhausted. He should have been snoring the second he stepped in the room. But he wasn't.
He was awake.
Dyami was nearly fainting behind the wheel of the car, half way here, and yet here he was. Awake.
While he couldn't understand this phenomenon, it was not entirely a puzzle either. Dyami turned his head, and stared at the woman next to him. She was asleep. Nara's arms were flung about haphazardly, and her legs were spread wildly, one not even on the bed, but dangling off and touching the brown shag floor.
Dyami was awake because how could he sleep?
How could he conceivably sleep next to this monster?
Her lips were parted slightly, and a small snore would escape her throat once in a while. She looked so harmless, to the untrained eye. Dyami's eyes were focusing. Finally focusing on seeing her for what she really was.
And so, he lay there, awake.
Waiting for the unknown.
Wondering: now what?
"You should try and get some rest," She whispered softly, her tone thick with sleep and grog.
"I can't sleep," He said in return. His voice was so muted. So dead. What he was saying sounded drowned, and mundane. Monotone. Robotic.
"Try," She whispered softly, kissing the bridge of his nose as she stood up and left for the dingy, grimy bathroom. His stomach trembled in revulsion. Dyami absently watched the stucco ceiling, not really seeing anything but blurred color. His eyes were unfocused and hazy. He wasn't seeing anything.
Not the brown, yellow, and orange linens. Not the brown floor. Not the questionable red stain in the far corner. Not the pea soup walls. Not the old television on the decrepit dresser. Everything was invisible.
Everything he saw, he couldn't explain, because it was incomprehensible to him. It was so quiet. Why was it so quiet? Everything was absent from this room. Everything people needed to have. Light, air, sound…it was all gone. He could find none of it.
Time was absent as well.
How long had it been since Nara entered the bathroom? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? How long had they been in this hole? Moments? Days? Seasons?
Was it really winter already? It was autumn when they left. Lughnasad. The autumn festival. Welcoming the changes of the leaves and the inevitable snow. Was it already winter? Was it here already? Had the holidays passed them by?
She appeared in his line of vision.
He did not jump. He did not start. He did not squirm. He stared blankly ahead, seeing little of her. She had a towel around her body. A thin looking threadbare towel. It looked as if it had once been lavender, but overuse, and improper washing, and possibly bleach, had washed it into a disconcerting looking, blotchy, faded gray.
"Darling, are you alright?"
"Yes," He responded slowly, after a long while. His tone was vapid. Surely his face looked the same. Void of feeling? Deadpan? It was expected.
"Maybe you should have a bath." Nara whispered softly. "That'll make you feel better. Clear your head a little…" A long, silent moment passed them by before he nodded and began to peel himself away from the lumpy mattress. Entering the bathroom, he was overcome with a sensation. It was hot, and humid, and bright. The linoleum was sticky, for some unfathomable reason. The counter was chipped in some places, and the porcelain sink had rust stains around the drain.
Experimentally, Dyami reached out and twisted the left knob. It had an italicized capital H on it. The knob squeaked and creaked loudly. Nothing came out of the tap but a rumbling noise. The pipes were quivering from the exertion of pulling for something that wasn't there. He turned it back off, and tried the right knob with the C on it. It took a moment, but slowly something started spitting out of the tap. He assumed it was water, but it had a foul odour, and the color of it was off as well.
How dismal. Dyami turned it off and stepped over to the shower. He turned the single knob and water began spurting out of the showerhead. The spray looked unwelcoming, but somehow the idea of it was inviting. Quickly stripping, Dyami ducked into the line of fire and hissed quietly. The water was jetting out of the tap, slapping against his skin angrily, leaving nasty red welts in its wake.
It stung, but the temperature made it tolerable. It was steaming, and stinging. If still, he was sure it would be at the boiling point. It was magnificent. Medicinal, really. The scorching water slid down his body, touching every single inch. Every singular orifice. He was being enveloped in it. His entire being was being wrapped up in the fiery embrace.
Images were bursting before his eyes without his consent. The moments they had spent together, trapped in bed, not daring to leave to take care of anything, up to and including hunger, and thirst. Her hands ghosting over every single cell of his being, igniting him with a passionate fire he had never felt before. Her voice, rising up and above everything else around him. Nothing mattered but that voice. Nothing else mattered but this woman. She was his other half. His perfect match.
She was, truly, his only salvation.
Four months ago, Dyami had been on the absolute verge of suicide. Now, he had no reason to leave this earth. He only had every reason to stay. For her.
No matter what she had done.
He found this hard to swallow upon thinking it.
Was he so unforgiving? Was he so cruel as to hold this against her?
Dyami couldn't help it. All he could keep thinking to himself was: Yes, he was. Yes, he could.
He needed to get out of this room. He felt suffocated. Dyami threw himself out of the shower, yanking on the tap until the water turned off. He didn't bother drying himself as he tugged on his clothes and quickly rushed out of the room.
"Darling, where are you going?" Nara called, sounding annoyed.
"I'll be back soon," He yelled, slamming the door.
There wasn't much to see out here. It was rather bland, actually. Nothing but grass, and the occasional dilapidated shed or two. Why did people choose to live in the country over the city? Where was the…everything? Where were the lights? Where were the people? The crowds? The cars? The buildings? The trains? The buses? The bars? The gangs? Where were the signs of life?
Where was the anything out here? It was all so quiet. Only a few little bug noises gave him any sign of something coexisting with him. Dyami walked along the highway, and sighed slowly. The air had no exhaust, or smog. Where were the people? He looked up at the sky. It was perfectly blue, only the occasional puffy white cloud shattering the continuity of the vast emptiness before him.
The grass was all tall, and spindly, and wheat coloured. It extended for what looked like miles and miles. He couldn't see anything beyond the grass. No trees, or signs of people. Just grass. It was a very strange feeling. It was an isolating feeling…
He was completely alone in this place. No one was here. He doubted anyone was ever here.
It was empty. Untouched by civilization. A rush of sadness swept through him. Civilization was something he was so found of, and yet, he was trapped here.
He walked absentmindedly, and aimlessly. The sun was high in the sky. It wasn't even cool here. It was warm still. The rest of the world was starting to get chilled, but not here. Not the horrible place.
No. It was like an island in the sky. Completely distanced from everything. It was a subcategory…
He didn't like that…
Something began to solidify over the horizon. Something was shadowed… How interesting. Dyami kept his eyes fixed on the massive shadow in the distance as he carried himself towards it. Something began to materialize, and his feet moved faster and faster. A town. An inconsequential town, at most, but better than nothing.
He stepped into the small establishment and looked around quickly. People were wandering around, going about their business.
He walked into a general store. A little bell dinged as he entered the door.
"Good afternoon," A heavyset man behind the counter said with a smile, his fan blaring, fluttering his short hair minimally. "Are you looking for anything I can help you with?" He asked.
"Browsing," Dyami muttered, and stepped further in. Mostly it looked like snack food, camping gear, seeds, and animal feed. Nothing that would mean anything to him. He looked around slowly, though, watching every single product with thick interest, and equal scrutiny.
A group of containers, and bags captured his attention. Everything was behind a chain link barrier, which was padlocked and tied. He looked inside the barrier, interested. What needed to be kept out of the hands of the public the extensively in a shitty general store?
Words emblazoned themselves into his eyes. Big, unfamiliar words. Words like Soduim fluoroacetate. Cyclodiene. Scilliroside. Bromethalin. Naphtylthiourea.
What they meant, he wasn't sure. All he noticed it that they were all in heavily sealed metal cans, in bold colors, and fonts. Big warning labels. Massive danger pictures. Combustible. Oxidizing. Toxic. Radioactive. Biohazardous. Poisonous.
"Got a pest control problem, eh?" The man from behind the counter called, coming up behind him. He had apparently left his station, to help. Wonderful. Dyami hesitated momentarily.
"Yes," He wanted to know more about these things.
"Well, these'll take care of your problems." The man grinned. He held out his hand, suddenly. "Name's Lou." He grinned a wide smile. He was missing a molar.
"D…Dave," Dyami smiled, shaking the mans hand in greeting. He didn't feel compelled to give his name to this man. It was better off a secret. His name was unusual. Highly unusual. It could be easily followed, should anyone ever decide to find them.
"Well then Dave," Lou laughed, as if speaking with an old friend. "Let's take care of that problem, shall we?"
"Oh yes," Dyami smiled. "Let's,"
"You got rats or bugs?"
"…Rats,"
"Well then, there's this one here," He pointed to it. It was in a bright red bottle with a yellow cap and lightening bolt down the front. "Takes a while to work, but it does eventually. Or this one here," He pointed to a green bottle. "Only takes a few days when they're eating it,"
"What's the best you've got?" Dyami suddenly asked.
"You mean the fastest?"
"Fastest," Dyami conceded. "Most potent," He added. "Most…vile."
"Well," Lou seemed to hesitate.
"I have money," Dyami assured him. He did have money. He had his wallet with him in his back pocket.
"Come with me," Lou suddenly whispered, stepping away from the caged off display. Dyami followed the man behind the counter and stepped into the back room of the little shop. "Over here I have something you might be interested in."
Dyami looked into yet another caged off display. These canisters reminded him of world war videos he watched in social studies in high school. The canisters of Zyklon B would be dumped in the gas chambers during the holocaust. In Auschwitz, especially. Thousands of people clawing and scraping for their lives without an ounce of hope, or chance.
Potent, indeed…
"What is this?" Dyami asked. Lou had pointed at a small canister.
"This is the best stuff," Lou assured him. "It's called…Tetramine," He stumbled over the word for a moment, as if figuring out how to pronounce it properly. Dyami nodded slowly. Tetramine. Interesting.
"What does it do?" Dyami asked slowly.
"It works, that's for damn sure," Lou snickered.
"How," Dyami snapped, impatient.
"I don't know much about stuff like that, but there's this book I have over here. It'll tell you…" He said slowly, passing Dyami the heavy book. Dyami flipped it open and began skimming the table of contents.
"I don't see Tetramine in here," He sighed.
"Tetramine is a shortened name for it. The real name it on the back of the can…" Lou unlocked the cage and gently took the canister, and spun it around. "There," He pointed to an exceptionally long set of letters. Dyami couldn't possibly look it all up from memory, so he attempted to get the basic pattern down, and look at the table again.
Tetramethylenedisulfotetramine… Holy hell. He flipped to the proper page and began reading the information available.
An odourless, tasteless powder. Water soluble. Can be crystallized in acetone with a melting point of two hundred and sixty degrees centigrade. Tetramine is a neurotoxin, causing lethal convulsions. Similar to picrotoxin.
He began to skim through the information he found interesting.
One hundred times more lethal than potassium cyanide, and a more lethal convulsant than strychnine. Dyami's heart was thudding against his chest as he read the next few lines. -binds irreversibly to neuronal GABA receptors and disables chloride channels, disabling the ability of neurons.
It was a brain fuck.
It essentially liquefied your insides.
Dyami's hands were shaking.
Nara woke up slowly. They were back on the road. Dyami still had yet to sleep but he knew he looked unusually bright eyes and bushy tailed. He felt fine. "How was your nap, baby?" He asked with a smile, flying down the highway.
"Good. I feel much better." She grinned. He reached over and pat her head slowly. She leaned into his touch, like a puppy craving its master's undivided attention.
"I bought coffee," He smiled, pointing to the cups in the holders. Nara nodded and picked up the twenty ounce coffee and started sipping right away.
"It's not very hot," She giggled. "It's kind of cooling off."
"It's been sitting there for a while, waiting for you to wake up." She smiled at him slowly.
"You're not mad at me anymore?"
"Shouldn't you know I'm not; you're the mind reader."
She smiled brightly and leaned across the seat to kiss his cheek. He kissed her in return. Dyami picked up his own coffee and began sipping quickly. He was done in a matter of minutes. "I'm going to pick up gas," He sighed, looking down at the gage. "Getting a little low…"
Nara nodded, and continued sipping away. As Dyami pulled into a gas stop, he turned to her and picked up his empty cup. "I'll toss them out," He offered slowly, smiling. Quickly downing the last few gulps Nara nodded and passed the empty paper cup to him. Dyami got out and went about his business, filling up the car, and paying before they took off again hurriedly.
Sweat began beading on her forehead.
Her stomach clenched painfully.
She started shaking.
Coldness crept up her spine, and flowed throughout her body.
Her fingers felt numb.
Her eyes were blurring.
"What's wrong, Nara?" Dyami asked in concern.
"I…I think I'm going to be sick," She panted. Abruptly, she heaved onto the car floor, splattering her feet with foamy looking brown liquid.
"You look sick," He said simply. No concern was laced into his words. It was simply factual. Nara looked at him with wide eyes. Dyami smiled."All this pain will pass." He assured her.
"…What did you do to me?" She whispered. Her hands no longer felt just cold, but their consistency had evaporated. She felt boneless. Nara looked down at her fingers. They were translucent, and spider webbed with blue veins. "What did you do?" She gasped, more desperate, now.
"I'm just making things right," Dyami said simply. Nara looked up into his eyes. There was always an underlying madness there she had always been fond of. It was shining through now more than ever. "I'm just making this all go away…" He whispered.
"Making what go away?" She stuttered. Her voice was vanishing. Her oxygen was becoming hard to take in. Her lungs hurt at the exertion it took just to speak.
"Us," He whispered softly, still driving on. "Both of us."
"…Why are you doing this…?" She whispered desperately. Her eyes were bleary. Green, blue, black dots were littering her vision as she tried to blink them away and focus.
"It's all very simply really," He said simply, shrugging. He seemed so nonchalant. "I made you to be my companion. You are, and I love you. Quite simple, yes?" He grinned from ear to ear, the look in his eyes intensifying. "You're in trouble now, and we'll never be able to get away from that. That's no one's fault but mine. So, I'm going to spare you the heartache. I'm not going to force you to run with me. We're going to stop running altogether. I'm going to let you go the only way I know how to. Chemically. You left me little option, aside from that." Dyami sighed and Nara convulsed.
She was now blinded. She saw nothing before her. Everything was black. "It won't be long and you'll be nothing more than what you were." He whispered through the dark. His voice was so close, and yet he felt so far away. Her heart ached painfully.
"Don't," She gagged. Her voice sounding strangled and wild. "Don't do this…"
"It's too late now," He whispered. "You're already vanishing. I can see it."
She could feel it too. She felt her skin dislodging. She felt her hair coming loose. Everything was slipping away. "Dyami," She croaked painfully. "Don't let me die," She begged. Her voice was strained, but she fought for it. "Save me, Ami. Save…me…"
"I am," He whispered. "I'm saving you from me, and everything in between." She felt his soft, warm mouth press against hers. She was blinded, but she could feel his closeness. She could feel his breath. She could feel her heart shattering. Never before had pain seemed so real. She kissed him back, trying to keep him close. Everything burned. Her whole being. Inside and out.
"Don't…let go…of me," She begged, painfully as he started to slip away from her embrace. "Don't…leave me…" He pressed back against her. Nara willed her arms to move. To reach out and hold him. Nothing happened. Her nerves were vanishing slowly.
"I'm never going to leave you," He whispered into her ear. "That's why we're here. So we never have to be apart." She started violently convulsing, though she attempted to reign it in. It could not be done. Everything was slipping away. Everything was running away from her.
"Don't…leave," She begged again, through her tears and wild jerks.
"Never," Dyami whispered, kissing what should have been her lobe. Her ears were dissolving. "I'll never leave you," He touched what was once her arm. "You'll never have to face anything alone." He promised her. Nara convulsed wildly, and she gagged and choked painfully on the foam and mucus that blocked he throat, and coated her chin.
And faintly, as her body began soaking into the seats, she heard a song on the radio playing loudly in the background.
" I hear her voice," The song went. "In the morning hour she calls me. The radio reminds me of my home far away, and driving down the road I get a feeling that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday…" Her bones were almost completely disintegrated. "Country roads, take me home," The radio bellowed at them. "To a place I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma."
"Take me home."
Sirens broke the smooth, crisp air as crowds and new crews gathered around an abandoned Dodge Neon in the ditch off of the highway.
"Medics are saying-"
"No suspects-"
"Tonight a community is rocked with devastation-"
"Suspected suicide-"
"Absolute tragedy-"
The news crews rattled on. Many had their cameras pointed at one woman in particular.
"Get away from me!" She screamed. "Let me through!" Police officers grabbed the red headed woman and restrained her as she screamed wildly. "That's my baby! He's my baby! Let me through! You motherfuckers, let me go!" Her screams ascended over the sirens. Her absolute heartbreak was louder than anyone had ever heard. She collapsed onto the ground. "My baby," She kept howling, tears pouring down her cheeks. "Starlight," She sobbed loudly.
Coherency lost, she no longer cried.
She just screamed.
And in the distance, in the long wheat coloured grass, two hazy figures stood and held hands. They remained unseen. They would always remain unseen. They were nothing more than earth, water and air. They were lighter than the clouds, and had the consistency of wind.
The two ghosts turned slowly and began a long walk, taking them nowhere they needed to be. Everything they needed was right here. Here, in their joined hands.
The smaller of the two miasmic figures suddenly started to make a soft song. The air around them blew slowly as she did. She made the wind with her songs, and soft words. And the bigger of the figures joined in with her tune. The grass fluttered.
"-To a place, I belong," They sang in unison. Stopping and turning to face one another, clasping their hands together, and pressing their chests tightly to one another, they continued. "West Virginia, mountain momma," He stopped and she finished them off, smiling.
"Take me home…"
A/N: Review please?
Tetramethylenedisulfotetramine is a real thing. And that IS what it does. It can kill a human male with a dosage of only 7 milligrams. Potent shit. (Highly illegal, too. Since like...1984 or something.)
And the song they're singing is 'Take Me Home, Country Road' by John Denver.
This story was inspired by Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen, along with Lloyd Ocampo who said once: "I am my own worst enemy"