3Authors note: this is dedicated to Cee
I needed comfort, I needed to shout and cry and I needed someone to hold me and tell me that they loved me. But for a long time I thought no one cared and that no one wanted to know. Me and a friend were shopping one day and that was when I lost it.
"I hate my life" I shouted knocking the perfume bottle out of my friend's hand.
She sighed and picked it up, she looked at me with her soul piecing eyes, like a mother would look at a disobdenient child and I instantly felt ashamed. "Chelle tell me what's wrong" she said softly.
"I miss her, my Nan I miss her so much" I said feeling the tears build up in my eyes, burning them. "No one seems to care, they all want me to move on and forget her, they don't understand why I don't want to eat and they keep threatening to ban me from doing things I love"
I felt her hand on my shoulder "Chelle no one wants you to forget your Nan" she said softly "they want you to live again, they want you to laugh, eat and be healthy and happy. People move on and sometimes it's quickly and other times it's not. Everyone grieves differently. You're depressed right now and you're paying attention to every little thing that seems to hurt more than it should. Ignore them, try and live. One day you'll realise you're happy again"
"I feel alone" I confess, tears now falling on my cheeks.
She pulled me in for a long hug and I can feel her stroking my hair "we're all alone Chelle, everyone is but we have friends and family to love. To be there for us."
I cried in her shoulder for a long time, not sure exactly but I felt her pry me away and a tissue wiping my tears.
"Thank you" I whispered
"You're welcome" she shot me a smile and I returned it "now as I was saying I shall need some more of this perfume it's my favourite. I love the smell of vanilla, what's yours?"
I replied and we began to talk about perfumes and scents as if I never broke down right now in the natural body stuff aisle of Boots. And suddenly I realised that comfort comes in many forms and the knowledge of knowing my friend is always there for me helps just a little bit.
Maybe one day I will be able to be fully happy.
Maybe one day I can think of my Nan without crying
And maybe one day I'll be able to go to Boots without being embarrassed.