The Story of Umm.

In the dark and lonely world Pink Cityland, an amazing adventure was about to begin, an adventure that would shake the very threads of reality. This adventure started when a state of insanity previously unknown to the human mind fell upon the unsuspecting legs of two very fine stuffed horses.

Toffy's right leg mystically rose up from the bed. It looked around and announced, "I'm a little leg and my name is Jenny Craig!"

This simple statement of fact had an astounding effect on the rest of the animaldom. That is to say, none of them moved. However, the corresponding leg on Toffy's significant other, Chocolate Chip-affectionately called by his surname, Chip-rose at the sound of the soundless voice (since, of course, legs, lacking a mouth, cannot speak) and uttered the word that would shape their destiny. "Uh."

Jenny Craig turned and smiled (figuratively) at her companion. "Hello there! What's your name?"


"Uh! It's you! It's really you!"


"Yay! We can go on adventures now! And hit things!"

The two legs proceeded in the very important ritual of whacking each other. After each was sufficiently bruised, they decided to chase their fortunes. As the two were only recently the inanimate body parts of an inanimate toy, it is understandable that they had no idea what sort of fortunes these might be. Thankfully, the second they finished their pounding ceremony, Uh made a wonderful discovery.


"What is it Uh?"


"It's a unicorn! We can have adventures! Hooray!"

The unicorn that had suddenly appeared in front of the fun-loving legs was exactly what you would expect to see in a unicorn, and yet nothing like it at all. Her rainbow mane was a glistening shower over her pearly white coat, and the pointed horn that could slice flesh like it was no more than Easy-Spread Cheese Sauce was twisted in an elegant silvery spiral. Most amazing of all were her eyes, wondrous knowing eyes that seemed to pierce your soul, filling your heart with hope, and yet spoke of a millennia of grief and heartache.

Jenny Craig and Uh were far from empathasizing with the unicorn's apparent pain. In their 26 minutes of existence they had experienced nothing comparable to such emotional loss. They took the melancholy sparkle in her eye for excitement about all the new adventures waiting to be partaken of.

"I am a unicorn!" said the unicorn imperiously. "I am in need of your assistance. Will you help me?"

"Ooooh!" Jenny Craig trembled with delight. "This is super-fabulous, isn't it Uh?"


"I'm glad you are so enthusiastic. Now, I need you to find... DUH, DUH DUH-DA! A bear leg!"

"A bare leg?"

"A bear leg!"


"The one who finds me my bear leg will get one wish! All they need to do is make their wish, and I will grant it!"

Jenny Craig shrieked with joy. "Uh, we're finding us a bare leg!" The two legs, with various whoops and uhs, set off on their first grand adventure.

A frantic search through the highest mountains and lowest valleys of the Cottony Comforter Forest ensued. The Awesome Twosome traveled all over the country of Great Bed looking for the unicorn's bear leg. Finally, Jenny Craig came to a suspicious looking dent in the earth. She reached down-kinda-and pulled out the fruit of their labors.

"Uh! We found it! The bare leg! Well, its not really a bare leg, its really rather hairy, but who cares! We found it!"


"Now where's that unicorn? It is her leg, after all." She looked around but there was no hint of the lovely horse. "Oh well, we still get the wish! Now what do you think we should wish for?"


"Uh?" Jenny Craig's nose would have turned up in disgust if she had had one. "Can't you say anything else?"


"Of course. You know, sometimes I wish you would say something besides uh."

The bear leg started shimmering and quivering. It made a noise resembling a dying cow being stepped on by walking piano and blew a bunch of pretty sparkles at Uh.


Jenny Craig laughed exuberantly. "Uh! You said umm! Which means you are no longer Uh. Now you are Umm!"


"Exactly! Yay! What an adventure! But I have a feeling many more are to come." Jenny nodded her hoof slyly. "Yes, many more. And we can start by

looking (figuratively) for more bare legs!"


Jenny Craig and Umm galloped off into the sunset. The bear leg remained left behind on the forest floor. As they cheerfully went on their way, a pure white figure slowly walked over to the abandoned leg. The unicorn smiled sadly and picked it up. She sighed and disappeared into the evening mist.