I love you

"You are worthless. You will never amount to anything." They were the last words my mother said to me before slamming the front door of our apartment shut, leaving me with my father. I was ten years old and not only did I blame myself for my parents divorce, I believed what my mother said. Typically shy, with only a handful of friends I had low self-esteem and little confidence and what my mother thought of me didn't help anything. No matter what I did, my mother's words would always hang over me like a sheet above my head.

He was sitting at the desk right behind me, laughing and chatting to his mates as we all waited for the teacher to arrive. I felt someone poke me in the back and turning to face the culprit, I caught him winking and flashing a gorgeous, heart-melting crooked smile my way. I went to say something, but heard the classroom door slam shut and the teacher demanding the groups' attention. As I faced the front of the class, I couldn't help but let my mind wander, thinking of his smiling eyes, his tanned skin and his lean, muscular body…

I was walking home from school, dawdling, as I frequently did, singing to myself the latest song that has attached itself to the inside of my brain; "Love Me Do", by the Beatles when I heard a voice behind me sing out my name. I stopped in my tracks and spun on my heel to find my self face-to-face to the same guy who poked me in the back just yesterday. "Hi", he said to me, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing down at his shoes "hey," I smiled as he replied to me. "Uh, I-was-just-wondering-if-you-wanted-to-go-out-with-me-this-friday-night," he said it all quickly, and in one breath. As he caught my gaze, I let a small laugh escape and biting my tongue; I replied "pick me up at eight". I gave him my number and continued on my merry way home.

He gave me a single rose on our first date. We saw "Spiderman 3", my choice and when Toby Maguire kissed Kirsten Dunst in the rain, he gave me a wink and I could just feel my cheeks flame up. No, he didn't have any arm stretching shoulder-hugging moves, but I was glad of that. He wore a Metalica tee and the kind of jeans with the rips in the knees. He held my gaze when he spoke to me and I could tell that whatever I said to him, he would listen. As we said our goodbyes, I sighed, "I can't wait till next time", I said to him. I couldn't believe such a handsome, sweet guy could like me.

We were sitting close together, watching the sunrise from beyond the waves crashing on the beach. I smiled as gold and pink shot across the skyline, signaling first light. I leaned my head on the smooth, tanned skin of his chest, listening to the rhythm of his heart compliment that of the crashing waves. As I breathed in the thick scent of sea salt, I could feel his eyes on the top of my head. Looking up, I caught his gaze, imagining myself saying those three words, but as he leaned in for the kiss, all I could do was smile and kiss him back…

As I stood in the middle of my bedroom, facing the full-length mirror, I truly scrutinized myself for the first time. I adjusted some stray bangs that had fallen in my eyes, straightened my posture so I wasn't so slouched over and pushed out my lack of a chest, holding my head up high and for a flicker of a second, letting a smile hit my eyes at this attempt to force some confidence into myself. Closing my eyes, I imagined his face once more. His sandy hair had fallen over his piercing emerald green eyes and as he lowered his head to look at me, the corners of his lips raised ever so slightly as he laughed inwardly at some unsaid joke. I opened my eyes and whispered, "I love you", but I was standing in front of the mirror again.

It was the formal. He picked me up at my house, presenting me with a rose corsage. It matched the blood red shift dress I was wearing perfectly and I noticed he also wore a red tie with his sleek black suit. I spent the night in his arms, a smile permanently plastered on my face. This had to be the best night of my life. We took a taxi back, but got out at the park down the road for some space and fresh air. We walked hand in hand up to the swings and sat and swung in silence as we, or at least I, reflected on the night, our time together and back to the first time we really noticed each other, when he winked at me and flashed a crooked smile.

My lips were itching to say the words I had practiced saying to him over and over again, but when I opened my mouth, no sound had come out. I excused myself to the bathroom, fixing my makeup in the mirror, remembering my mothers last words, declaring how pathetic I was and that I'd never have the confidence to succeed in anything or be able to show anyone the real me because I was so shy and introverted. I held the gaze of my reflection and promised to prove her wrong. As I re-entered the room, he took my hands and spun me around in his arms. I lent in close to him and whispered the golden words. Staring into each others eyes, he brought his head down to mine and before bringing his lips to mine, he ever so softly said "I love you Sophia".