For the past ten odd years, I've gotten everything I wanted. My family tolerated me, my friends (I think) love me. I got away with being rude to my parents, I talked back to my elder siblings. I'm horrible aren't I?

Nothing I ever say will ever vouch for or justify my actions.

It doesn't matter that when I was a kid, because of the age gap between my eldest sibling and me was so far….let's just say I never got along with any of my siblings. They had always been a little clique-y since their age gaps wasn't as huge. Was it my fault? It certainly wasn't theirs. They're angels compared to me. They don't talk back to my parents, they practically kiss the ground my parents walk on. Not me. Oh no…I am the devil incarnate. Rude, uncouth, callous, arrogant, heartless, let's just say my moral compass has never been straight.

What happened in the past should stay in the past, right? I mean, it's no use bringing up how my father kept on coming into my room or have me called to his when my mom has gone off to work…well. You get the picture.

And what part of witnessing three deaths of close friends explains how I turned out in the end? Seeing one's heartbeat wiped off from the heart monitor, seeing another's head smashed on the concrete floor under the void deck just beside the provision shop Aunty Ling runs with her youngest son, and of course seeing one's body 'disappear', leaving just skin and bones before she's really gone.

Of course it doesn't matter that those events happened. It doesn't mean I can act the way I do. I've been brought up by civilized parents who gave me everything I wanted and needed all my life.

Personally, if I weren't me and I met me…I'd have just slit her wrists with the butter knife and leave her to die in the bathroom.

Oh how silly of me…I already did.