In my Writer's Craft class last year, we watched the indie film, Amelie, which is amazing, if you haven't seen it, goooo now! Our assignment was to write two short "Amelie-esque" prompts about two people of our choice. I chose my best friend Kyle Johansson, and quite possibly the biggest crush of my life, Jeremy Paradis, who is the older brother of one of my closest friends, Monika Paradis. I submitted these into our school Writer's Journal, which is almost like a newspaper, but contains only short stories/poems/thoughts from the seniors. I hope you enjoy them; my teacher and friends did, lol. And so did the boys (men) I wrote about.

Kyle Edward Johansson: November 4th, 1984

Kyle Edward Johansson is the type of guy who, if Madonna were to start playing in a supermarket, would abandon his cart, and start dancing in the aisles, oblivious to everything and everyone, except Madge and the fact that she was crooning, "Like a virgin, touched for the very first time" over a PA system in Loblaws.

He's twenty-three and in love with his best friend; Sadie. She's eighteen.

I think she knows. Or maybe she doesn't. Well…

Either she knows and doesn't care, or doesn't know… so therefore, can't care. At night he dreams of licking ice cream off her nose and eating whipped cream and strawberries off her stomach.

When Kyle was a kid, he used to run around with no pants on; he loved it, and felt free. He did this until he was six; all his neighbors thought he was the retarded youngest son of an Italian-American couple. Until he grew out of that phase and started walking around with books like War and Peace and Finnegan's Wake cradled in his arms. Then they thought he was being a haughty little nerd-child.

Kyle's favorite sibling was his oldest sister, Phoenix, who in her shyness and silent love of Harlequin novels and unripe bananas, seemed like an untouchable fairytale princess to him.

He used to love it when she quietly read him sex scenes from her novels at night. As a small child, he didn't know what they meant, but he loved the peaceful, dreamy look on his sister's face as she read them and only as the years went by and he learned of physical intimacy at school did he realize why his sister had held that look on her face.

They don't talk much anymore; she lives in Italy with a brawny Italian man named Antonio and has a five year old daughter named Alessandra.

He loves independent films; Fido is his favorite. Most people find it slightly disturbing; he thinks it's satirical and hilarious.

Kyle majored in Biochemistry at the University of Waterloo. He wants his life to be like that of a forensic investigator in CSI.

When he realized that he was in love with Sadie—his best friend of fifteen years— he went to the Cineplex Odeon every weekend and sat in the back of the theatre as couples made out to the twelve-foot image of Hugh Grant professing his undying love to various co-stars. Once, the ticket-girl—a short, stocky brunette with braces, frizzy hair and skin problems, who had developed a crush on our Italian-American friend and had learned to expect him at the theatre every Saturday at seven-thirty pm, asked him why he always came there.

"I'm usually in the neighborhood." He replied, smiling at her. She didn't know that he took two buses, a train and walked fifteen minutes to get to the neighborhood.

Kyle has never had sex before; sometimes at night, when he's not dreaming of eating delicious things off of Sadie's stomach, he lays awake and wonders if it's as intense as Phoenix's Harlequin novels had made it seem.

Sometimes he's temped to call up his older sister and ask.

He loves the sound of Sadie's voice; the deep, huskiness of it. The sound of her laughter when she doubles over, clutching her sides, and the light giggles right before she cackles, amused beyond words.

He isn't ashamed to say that he's an enamored puppy. Pretty much everyone knows.

Kyle's favorite band is The Beatles. His favorite song by them is Let It Be. Aside from the surviving Beatles themselves, rest in peace John Lennon and George Harrison, Kyle is the harshest critic when someone sings a Beatles classic. Once, a classmate walked into the lecture hall singing Hey Jude (terribly) and Kyle nearly took out that classmate's eye with a blue ballpoint pen.

Three months ago, Kyle got Starman (the star with the face in Super Mario) tattooed on his left wrist because Sadie dared him to. He didn't mind; he'd always wanted one. During his spare time, Kyle reads Premier Classics and fan fictions on . Inuyasha stories are his guilty pleasures, and no one knows of his intense love for them.

He hates horribly written stories; especially when authors add their own characters. And when the real characters "fall in love" with them.

"No!" he would yell at the screen, "Inuyasha does NOT love your original character, LittleMissFluffyPrincessButtercup!"

He gets very into it sometimes.

Kyle loves animals; he has a grey chinchilla and a brown chinchilla and a pug, named Simple Sensations, Captain Majestic and Cashew, respectively. His sister, Nikki, whom he lives with, has a parrot she calls Assface because it's his favorite word.

As in, "Good morning, precious." (Nikki)

"Caw! Good morning, Assface!" (Assface)

Kyle thinks Assface will rule the world one day.

Jeremy Isaiah Paradis: October 31st, 1983


Jeremy's full name used to be Jeremy Casey Isaiah Lpomero-Paradis. Kids teased him relentlessly in elementary school because of his feminine middle name; he got rid of it when he turned sixteen. Now he's just Jeremy ISAIAH. He's in law school and grew up in London, England and Angouleme, France.

Jeremy is the youngest boy from a family of seven kids; three boys and four girls. Jeremy is the type of guy who could send another man's confidence crashing to hell just by being in the same room; he's inhumanly beautiful. His face is one you'd expect to see airbrushed on a magazine cover.

His parents got divorced when he was eight. He and one of his younger sisters, Monika (Miki) went to live with his father's parents in London, England. That's how he developed an English accent.

It can melt any kind of heart and is rumored to have turned many straight men gay.

His parents got back together in 2005.

When he was in France, his oldest brother, Lucien, who is five years older than him, used to sneak him canards under the breakfast table when his parents weren't looking. Canards, rough lumps of sugar dipped and soaked through in coffee, were forbidden to all the children except for Lucien, who could only have one during breakfast.

Jeremy would pop them into his mouth with a look of ecstasy before his parents saw.

Once, in elementary school, Jeremy showed up to school with his mother's lipstick mark on his forehead; the kids teased him until they graduated and went to high school. Some still tease him now.

On the weekends, Jeremy likes to walk the Parisian streets at night, feeding pigeons lumps of fresh balled up bread and striking up interesting, opinionated conversations with French prostitutes. When he returns home, he leaves small post-it notes on his shoes; reminders of what should be done the next day.

For example: 8:00 AM—Take Bijou and Koi to the veterinarian.

Bijou is his Maine Coon. That's a cat. Koi is his Finnish Spitz. That's a dog. He was a present from Miki, who is an avid cat and dog lover, too.

There are bets going that if Jeremy never gets married, he will become the Old Cat Man living in a flat in London. IF Jeremy never gets married, that'll be all right, because he'll be the sexy old cat man. Besides, the people betting against Jeremy getting married will probably end up losing, anyway. Everybody loves him. Girls want to marry him; boys want to be him. When that changes, Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes shall become reality.

Did I mention that Jeremy irons his underwear?


Well, Jeremy irons his underwear, and watches noir films. He's also a very sneaky in-the-closet candy lover. He has over a dozen hollow books in his library, that are filled with candies; licorice nubs, jujubes, jellybeans and malt-balls. You name it, he has it. He's always eating candy. When he says "Bug off, I'm reading," he's usually wolfing down a handful of Willy Wonka's famous NERDS, while staring at the cover of David Copperfield.

But he's never had a single cavity in his entire life, and has pearly whites that Brad Pitt would kill for.

Jeremy hates it when people stop walking abruptly in front of him; and when he snaps at them, they don't know what to do. Most just gape up at him and think, "My, my, who is this tall six foot something British man, and I wonder if he will let me bear his children?"

I kid you not, people probably do think that. It doesn't matter whether they're male or female. There's a certain asexuality to Jeremy that makes him enigmatic to both sexes.

He's scared of clowns. Once, when he was a teenager, Lucien dressed up as a clown and hid in Jeremy's closet on Halloween, which was also Jeremy's birthday. At twelve o'clock, midnight, when Jeremy came upstairs to go to bed, Lucien jumped out and gave Jeremy what he thought at that time was a seizure-heart attack hybrid.

Now Jeremy's careful around closets, too.

lol, Well, there you go. I hope you enjoy these. They make me smile every time I read them. :D (skips off to do more reading on Individual Differences in Personality. Yay.)