I know a few people who like and are fans of vampires. I also know a few people who actually think they are vampires. The sad thing is that they have absolutely no idea what a true vampire is. When I say true, what I mean is a blood sucking, immortal, night creature. You know, a vampire. For some reason, people think that we are affected by crosses, garlic, and my favorite the sun. You know what? I blame this all on that stupid Dracula. He is affected by all of those things and it makes vampires look very weak because of all those stupid myths. And, yes, they are myths.

First off, that dumb cross myth. Let's get things straight. Real vamps are NOT going to be burned or whatever by a cross. That is the most absurd thing I have ever heard of. I know some vampires who are actually very religious. They go to church every Sunday even though people think were are damned to hell all because we drink blood and maybe accidentally kill a few people. But that's a very big maybe. We can go a long while without drinking blood, perhaps a few months. But there is that one guy who always goes crazy and goes on a killing spree. That is rare though so people don't have to really worry. Anyway, I went a little off topic there, crosses do not have any effect on a vampire whatsoever. So if you try and hold one up in front of you if you are ever confronted by one, it will just make you look stupid and get you killed.

Let me see, what else? Oh yeah, the garlic. Possibly one of the most idiotic vampire repellants in existence. Of course it smells bad and makes your eyes water but it does not act as a vampire repellant. So if you are one of those strong believers in vampires, let me give you a little tip: If you walk around with a tub full of garlic in you purse or discreetly wear a necklace with garlic cloves on it, get rid of them. They won't do you any good so don't do it. I have seen one or more of my victims do this and….it is just stupid so please don't do it, we will laugh at you.

Ah, the sun, my favorite myth and possibly the most famous one. You see, vamps do not get burned by the sun at all, we actually enjoy it. There is a reason we go out while it's night though: our eyes are more sensitive than humans'. We were made to be predators and, therefore, our eyes are more sensitive so we can see better and spot our prey easier. But the sun hurts our eyes and messes with our vision so we can hardly see. If we want to go out in the day, we have to where sunglasses, even indoors because of the fluorescent light and also the sun light comes through the windows. So, I can understand the mistake but I also know where the burning part comes from.

Sometime in the 1700s a couple of priests were attacked by a rogue vampire. Some say the vamp went crazy and others say he just wanted lunch, I just say potato potahto. Anyway, the sun was just about to come up and since the vampires eyes were a bit sensitive, he didn't like the sun. So he just stared at it in horror for a few seconds before the priests turned and saw the sun. When they turned back around, they saw nothing but dust. In actuality, the vamp just turned and ran and kicked up dust behind him. So, being the stupid priests they were, they thought the sun caused the vamp to turn into dust. They went back to town and spread the rumor; back then anybody would believe anything priests said. So that is how that myth came to be.

So you ask: How do you know all this stuff? Well to tell you the truth, I am one myself and, frankly, I'm lovin' it. You don't have to pay taxes because everybody thinks you are dead, you get free money everyday if you eat everyday, and many other good things you can't do when you are human. But I tell you now, it is not all fun and games. If you are/are not in a coven you cannot get too close to another. If you are in their territory, you get killed. No, I am not going to give you the pleasure of knowing how we are killed but I am going to tell you it is not pleasant. Anyway, I am going to end this now because I have to go look for something to eat. Ta ta, maybe you will get the pleasure of being my next meal *wink*.