M. Elspeth Steinke
Hour four creative writing
Our 33 Days of Happiness
I met a wicked awesome boy today! His name is Andrew. Anyways, I met him at that silly winter parade in town. He was hanging with some friends of my friends and I thought he was going to be freaking lame or weird 'cause when I first saw him he was reading that freaky Japanese shit. Plus he has emo hair! Freaking EMO hair! God I laughed so hard at that. Throw on the glasses he put on when we were watching the parade and he looked like such a geeky-wanna-be-boy. It was fucking hilarious! He was super quiet at first but then one of his friends said something and he just started talking forever, letting other put in two cents one in awhile. I didn't mind listening to his voice. Whenever my friends weren't talking to me I was busy listening to him talk. I gave him a second look then and was surprised to see his emo hair didn't bother me because he had kept it his natural color –light brown- and that the green sweater he wore really brought out his green eyes. He also had a nice tan that made him look warmer. He was so funny and nice too. The only problem is he thinks I'm trash. When I took out a cig and lit up he stared at me for a second before rolling his eyes and moving downwind from me. Whoops! My bad (heavy sarcasm there, in case you couldn't tell.) But a mutual friend made the night semi-ok. He dared Andrew to kiss me and he just shrugged and said 'Whatever. I don't care.' Then looked at me like he was waiting. SO I kissed him. Too bad we aren't dating or I could have made his night pretty damn nice. Oh well.
Ps: I gave him my number. I hope he calls soon.
Girls are odd. I met a girl last night and I have spent the better part of the day trying to figure her out. So far I have come up with nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. (Is that how you spell that ?) When she first met me she looked at me like I was some kinda freak. When I put my glasses on she burst into a fit of –very cute, tinkling- laughter. I was so tense 'cause of that girl that my friends had to talk a lot to get me talking again. She acts like nothing like what you'd expect by looking at her. She kinda looks the 'Anna of Greene Gables' type. Her red hair was tied in two braids and she was wearing a huge jacket, practically having a seizure every time there was a breeze; she was so cold. Anyways, after hearing me talk she was all eager to be a part of the group. Whatever, I'm not going to stop her. Or I wasn't going to care enough to do anything. Until I saw her start to smoke, that is. The group does not –I repeat, DOES NOT- need someone like that. Not at all. Though she is a good kisser…How do I know? Simple, I was dared to kiss her. Why did I take the dare when I don't like this girl? Five dollars and a picture I don't like being destroyed. And even after all this writing I still don't have any more ideas about this girl. I don't even know her name. Well, it's not like I'll ever see her again anyway so it doesn't matter.Andrew
Has a boy ever not called you right away after you've given him your number? Well, ok, not you since you aren't alive but whoever is reading this? I gave Andrew my number two days ago and he hasn't called. What kind of guy doesn't call right away? Well, ok, there are two types, both linked. Neither type wants to be laid. One only doesn't want to get laid by girls, but Andrew didn't come off as gay. The second type is the type that thinks that by being a gentleman he'll have more chances with a girl. That seems like something Andy would do. Not that I really know him. But I have found out a lot about him from his friends. He seems like an all around nice guy but I know that's just a front.
Her name is Macy and she reads manga. Not the best manga but she does read some. Like Flame of Recca and Chobits. When I saw her reading those manga I had to comment. She looked up, obviously surprised. I almost laughed at her look of shock. I didn't laugh –though I did chuckle- but I did hand a book to her. I told her it was a series that she might like. It was Mars. It's about a so-called bad boy and the straight A student he falls in love with. I figured she might be able to relate to Rei –the bad boy-. Since she seems to be a bad girl. I don't know. Anyways, she probably didn't read it and I have to go pack for my family trip.Andrew
It's Christmas yet again. And once again Jenny tried to talk to me. I almost gave in this year because of the Japanese comic Andrew –he doesn't like being called Andy- recommended to me. In it Rei –a bad boy- watched his brother kill himself because of a girl they both loved. They're twins just like Jen and I. But I didn't talk to her this year, That makes it three years since we've last talked. And even though I don't talk to her people still say I have a sister complex. People ask why I have such a sister complex for Jen and I tell them. She looks like how I remember Mom. I don't. I look at Jenny and I can remember Mom. I look at myself and I see what I'm worth. Nothing. Which is just how Ray sees himself. That's how Rei sees the difference between him and his dead brother. I really can relate to him. I understand where he's coming from. And he isn't even real! I never thought someone fake could be so much like me. I thought everyone in stories were perfect. I really like this manga. I'll have to tell Andy…Andrew that. If I see him again and thank him for recommending this series.
Well I have a girlfriend now. You want to know who? Macy Williams. You know, that girl from a few days ago. Yeah. I couldn't stop thinking about her while I spent the past two days with my family so when I got home today I took the bus to the library and guess who was there reading the last book of Mars. That's right, Macy. I have to say I was surprised to see her reading it. I thought she'd just ignored my book suggestion. Any ways when she finished reading she came over to where I was and asked to talk. I agreed and we left the library and started walking down the street. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes then I bought the two of us a hot chocolate and as we walked away I asked if she wanted to go out with me and be my girlfriend. What surprised me even more then finding her reading Mars was how quickly she agreed. And how happy she seemed. When my friends find out they're going to freak. Mr. Way too careful to jump in just asked a girl he barely knows out. Oh well, I'm kinda happy I did.Andrew
I have a boyfriend!~ And he is sooooooo perfect! I mean, I never thought a guy could really be so nice without wanting to get in my pants. But Andrew really seems to want to get to know me. And not just jump me every other night. I mean, he holds my hand and it's only been two days but he's made the record for holding off on it the longest. I always thought that being in love meant doing each other every day but Andrew loves me – I know he does- and he doesn't feel the need to do anything. I never thought I would like just being held and kissing but now that it's all I've been getting I have found out it's nice to wait for sex. Well, I have to go, Andrew is taking me out tonight!
I don't know why since Macy doesn't seem to like anime much but I invited her to this New years party with some anime friends of mine. She asked if she needed a costume. I don't think you do, but she asked if she could go in costume. I told her she could if she wanted to. I mean I am and a lot of other people most likely will be in costume too. I asked if she needed help making one but she turned me down with a small smile, telling me that she knew just who she was going to be. I can't wait to see who she's going to be. Well I have to go finish my costume for the party, so I'll write more later.Andrew
Yesterday I told you about the party Andrew invited me to for New Year's eve. How cool! But I didn't tell you that he offered to help me make a costume. I wish that I had taken him up cause I'm having trouble finding what I need to make this costume. And my hair isn't working out right. I'm trying to dye it blond but it keeps coming out as a strawberry-blond. I need straight blond. And I've already cut it. If my hair doesn't work right I don't know what I'm going to do. I need it to be blond. I want so badly to go as this person. I think Andrew would approve of it. I'll give my hair another go and then when it finally works go find a huge green button up tee shirt. Oh, this is the perfect costume for me.
It's done! I can't wait to show off my costume tomorrow night. And to see what Macy has been hiding from me. She wouldn't hang out yesterday or today cause she wanted to keep what she's doing a secret…only a little longer until I can find out what she's been doing.Andrew
Dec 31st New years eve!
I'm writing this shortly before midnight just so I can tell you the last good thing of the old year. Andrew just KISSED me! Like not 'cause of a dare or anything but because he wanted to. This is the first time he's kissed me since we started dating. I thought I was going to feel so stupid tonight cause I've only read a few manga and stuff and I didn't think anyone would know who I was but I've been "glomped" –a running hug- a few times since I got here and even Andrew was stunned by how well I pulled off Rei. He grinned and said that I was perfect for the part –he got many agreements from other people- and then he kissed me! It was so awesome! I couldn't believe that he kissed me in front of everyone. I mean, it's not like I was embarrassed or anything it just didn't seem like his style. But, then again, I've seen a whole different side to him tonight. Around this group of friends he's carefree and relaxed and he jokes around and laughs. His laugh is so beautiful and I love seeing this side of him. It's so different then how he is around the others. I wonder why he acts so different. Well, Andrew is most likely wondering where I am so I'm going to go.
Ps: HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Happy New Year. I've lived through yet another year. And this time I made it through with a girl friend. Wow, Macy last night was amazing. I never thought she would cosplay. And I never thought she would crossplay! I mean, Rei…She pulled it off though. I'm sad to see her red hair gone though. She cut it shorter too. But last night I realized that I don't know much about her. I mean she's now learned so much about me cause of last night and I don't know anything about her. Though I did find out from a friend that Macy has a twin that she never talks to anymore. Maybe that's why she liked Mars so much, 'cause Rei was a twin too. I want to know more and her friends aren't forthcoming so I may go right to the source. Or her family. I'm not sure. Her family if she doesn't tell me anything. I want to find out how she lived and what she likes. And why she doesn't talk to her twin anymore.Andrew
I can't believe Andrew is trying to pry into my life. I found out from a friend that yesterday he was asking about my family. Haven't I already told him that my family is none of his concern?! I can't believe he would do something like this behind my back! So much for him being trusting. I just can't believe it…Tomorrow I have permission from the dean to leave campus for awhile I'm going to use that time to find Andrew and tell him that I don't want him prying in ever again.
The moment Macy saw me she started to yell at me! She just kept saying that she couldn't believe I would go behind her back like that. I had no idea what she was talking about. It took me a while to calm her down and then when I did I asked her what she meant and she only said, "I told you not to ask about my family." No, she hadn't. I didn't know anything about her family and she had never said anything about her family to me. Believe me if I had known she didn't want me asking about her family I wouldn't have asked about them. And I told her that. That made her angry and she asked if I was calling her a liar. She wouldn't give up saying that she had said that. I know she didn't and after maybe an hour and a half I just started to leave. I couldn't calm her down and I didn't know what to do so I was going to get one of her friends. But the moment I started leaving she grabbed me around my waist and cried on my back. I turned around and let her cry on my shoulder. When she was done she just said she was sorry but she didn't want me finding out about her past or her family. That to her they were all dead.AndrewDay 15 Jan 4th
Note to self: Andrew's birthday is the 22nd of Jan.
Macy found out when my birthday is and now she wants to get me something. I don't want anything. She kept asking me what I wanted but I really can't tell her. There is nothing I want. I was hoping she wouldn't find out so we could just go out and spend a day together. A nice quiet day, maybe watch a movie or something, get something to eat, maybe even both. But she really wants to buy me something. As cute and nice as that is I don't want anything.Andrew
I know Andrew said he didn't want anything but when I was in the store and saw it I just had to get it for him. He loves anime so much and I just know he is going to love it! I mean, I know he doesn't have it, I've asked all his friends from the party and they said he doesn't have it. And he can't get mad at me for spending a lot of money cause I found it at a sale for two dollars. One of his friends was amazed that I'd gotten it for so cheap since they didn't make it anymore. Not even in Japan. I just know Andy is going to love it!
It was so nice to hang out with my friends without Macy. My friends seem nervous or something around her and thus around me. I hate it. It's why I don't like having Macy around them. I wish they could get along but it doesn't seem like they can. Like I said, it was nice for it just being the guys and I. We went and watched a movie and got lunch then went and joked around some. I feel kinda guilty about not telling Macy where I am but it's not like I know where she always is and it's not like she needs to know where I am 24/7/365.Andrew
He didn't show up. AGAIN! I can't believe it. Not even a month since we started dating and he's already ditching me! I can't believe this! I…I really want to cry. I thought Andy really cared about me but he's just like everyone else except that he's decided he doesn't want me before he's even had me! No! I won't stand for that! I'll talk to him, make him see that I love him, that I want to be with him. I'll tell him that he needs to tell me where he's going…he has to or I'll just die.
I now know why I never wanted a girlfriend before. They cling too much! I was at the library when all of a sudden Macy walks in and pulls me out, muttering about how she –once again- can't believe me. Now she wants me to check in with her everyday about what I'm going to be doing and who I'm with. Hello? She's the one who hangs with the bad crowd, not me. Shouldn't I be the one telling her to check in and tell me that stuff? Not her! Ugh, none of this makes sense anymore. Whatever.Andrew
I feel so dizzy. Oh today is such a blur. I know Andy is going to be mad tomorrow though. Oh well. My friends were super fun to hang with today. Oh I can't think. Too giddy. Maybe more later.Macy
I can't believe she came over to my place so late and so obviously high! I'm so glad my parents were out of town last night! I would have been killed if they'd found out. I had to air out the deck area, it smelled so strongly of weed. Almost like they smoked it out there...I knew she smoked but I didn't know she got high or anything. I can't believe how stupid Macy can be! God I didn't know she was like this at all…Andrew
I can't believe how stupid I am. I got so drunk this morning then went over to Andrew's…God he must hate me now. I can't believe myself. Not only did I go over drunk but it was when I knew he was home alone. I tried to get him to sleep with me. I AM SUCH A FUCKING DUMBASS! I can't believe myself. I said 'If you are going to leave you have to at least sample the goods' Even drunk I could see the hurt in his eyes. He pushed me away and took a step back 'If you think that I'm only dating you to…fuck you then maybe we should break up. Go home, Macy, don't ask me to do something like that when you're drunk.' I don't know why I can remember this so well when I can't even remember how I got home afterwards. Andrew must hate me now. I just know he does.
She needs to stop doing this stuff. That's what I've told her. This is what she was trying to hide from me and it almost worked until a few days ago. She has to stop or she could die. I can see it, see her dead and I don't want that image to be real. I tried to paint the image for her but she kept rejecting it. She barely talked at all, she was so unlike herself that it scared me I'll try again. But that's if she tries to get more after a friends gets rid of her stuff. I just don't want her dead.Andrew
It's all gone! All my stuff is gone! Not a single dime left, nothing! Even my cigs are gone. I know Andrew had something to do with this. I'm just not sure how. But I swear the minute I find out I'm going to kill him! I can't believe he would do this. He fucking sucks! Maybe that's the problem with us dating, we're too fucking different. I don't know what the fuck his problem is. God I can't believe this shit keeps happening.
She went out and got more…I've tried talking to her about it again but it doesn't seem to be working. I can't believe this. Does she want to die? Is her life that bad? Am I that bad to her? Does she hate what we have…what we had before all this crap started? If she wants it back the way it was I'd change it back right away. I want it back that way. I don't even know why things started going wrong. What happened? We were perfect for awhile. Or were we just blind from everything wrong because it was a new 'love'? I hope that's not it because I think I really do care for her. I know I don't want to hurt her.Andrew
He is trying way too hard! 'I'll do anything you want just please stop doing this stuff. It's not safe.' Please, like he –or I- really cares. I wish he wouldn't try to act nice, it's only going to make it hurt worse when he breaks up with me. You know what, I think the problem is he doesn't know what it's like to be high. Maybe I should show him. Yeah, that's a good idea.
I go along with the hits 'cause it's easier to bounce back from a skid then from being pushed to the ground. Maybe that's why I don't stay mad for long. But this…Sometimes even when you go with the hits you get pushed to the ground. And sometimes it's just better to not get up until the bully is gone…I don't want to think this is one of those times but it's starting to look like it. God, I don't want to just give up. I don't want to end this. There has to be another way. Let there be another way. I don't want to do her drugs, I don't want her doing her drugs! Please let there be another way for us to stay together.Andrew
My friends are fucking awesome. So much better then lame-ass Andrew. God he's such a stiff ass. It's like he's got something stuck up there. You know, like his head. I was so glad to have a day away from him. Maybe I'll just avoid him from now on. Then we won't have to deal with each other.
Macy is mad at me. She won't talk to me or anything. I know I've said it before but please don't let it end like this. Don't let her just fade away like my old friends. Not her. I want her to stay in my life, I want to…I want to be with her in two years, five years…I want to die before her and wait for her at what ever there is after death. I want to love her. I can't lose her like I lost the other people I cared about.Andrew
Andy is such a sweetheart! He bought me flowers. No one has bought me flowers before. Not ever! And they were my favorite kind too, not roses but daisies. I don't know how he found out I liked them but it doesn't really matter! No one has ever done anything so nice for me; ever. I can't believe I've been so mean to him lately. Why was I even mad at him? I don't remember anymore. Andrew really does care and that's all that matters.
I was once again unsuccessful in convincing Macy to not throw me a party. I don't know why she's so stuck on doing this. But I guess since I can't stop her I'll try and enjoy it. For her sake. I can't believe I'm having a birthday party again after all these years. I haven't had one since I was a kid.
It's over! He went and ruined his own party! I can't believe he would just ditch me like that! Over some blond bitch! Andrew and I are so fucking over. God, He is such a douche bag. After all the work I put into this party and his present –which he took before leaving- and he just left after seeing an 'old friend'. Please, old friend my ass. How much do you want to bet it was just some excuse to go get laid by some blond…whore. It's so not fair. He never gave anything in this relationship and I can't believe I fell for his nice guy act. Please, that was so fucking fake! Oh who am I kidding, I still love him but…he should have someone better then a druggie that hates him half the time when he's only done nice things for them. I am such an idiot. I don't who that girl was but she's gotta be better then me. Better for him anyways.Macy WilliamsThe End