"DEEP FOREST"

The words needed to describe to you how we feel cannot be done because they don't exist right now. But i can tell you, and maybe, you'll get it.

Thursday Morning, 7:45am, Sasha's House

"Stay. Why are you getting up? Don't."

He circled his arms against my waist, hands resting lightly, but tensed on my stomach.

I glanced back at him through the morning streaming from the curtains. Sunrays lit up his pale face that was slightly flushed, as if berries had been crushed and left to seep into his cells. As I turned away, I felt the tangle of his blonde hair against my back.

"I'm going, I've got school." I pushed his arms away, but he encircled tighter. Ah. He's always like this. I need to be stealthier when I get up.

"I've got school too."

I sighed. Shook my head and rubbed my eyes. And I tell him again:

"Yeah, I know, but i don't want to go to arrive to school with you, much less have your mum ask if you had a good night, 'kay?"

I felt my body tip forward as he knelt forward and nuzzled my neck, hands sliding up my chest.

"Mmm, I did have a good night. This is what makes it a good night."

I pull his arms off, "I didn't ask you. It's nearly eight. I'm not going to school with you, even if it means I'm going to be late."

Fingers twirl around my black locks, for a moment, it looks like black and white candy cane; i reach out and bite the finger, I turn back at Sasha as he yelps falling back against the cream sheets and I grin.

"So mean." He moans, and he licks the finger I had bit, "I'm going to get an infection unless you..."

"No. Get and infection and die, and then I can be happy."

Sasha blinks at me, and silently scrambles back under the covers. I sigh. Did I go too far? I always tell him it's alright if "he drops dead". I bite my lip. I'll tell him I'm sorry later, because, if he did die, it would definitely be not alright.

I find a white sun dress at the foot of the bed, I sniff it suspiciously. It's mine, but i don't remember leaving it here. I narrow my eyes at the lump of cream on the bed. Grrr, he must've stolen it when he was at my house.

"Thief." I mutter, Sasha doesn't reply.

I grab my backpack and leave. I don't say goodbye.

Eslington High School, Main Hallway, 8:45am

My locker is a mysterious creature, things always go missing (and never come back), and rude words always appear. I should have known not to leave my maths textbook here. But it was so just too heavy. I sifted by hands against all the mutilated paper. Really, no textbook at all, my heart heaves a little, but I think it's only regrettable I would have to pay for its replacement. I close my locker door, the word "cock sucker" in brilliant red rushes back into darkness. I'll need a new lock. Then Sasha could also not have to leave me flowers every day.

"Sasha my wonderful! I didn't see you all day yesterday! I missed you so much!"

My neck hair rises, the voice of Carmine always does this to me, and sometimes I think I dislike her. Sasha calls her "Average bottle blonde lacking in essential amino acids to make her work properly as a decent human" (I had replied "Is that why the stuff she does is a bit hateful?" Sasha just smiled and had teased "What stuff?").

Chatter begins to fill the hall, but it's low, and hard to catch. But I could hear the girl in front of me moan and whisper "So hot..."

I glance at him once and then turn around to go to class. All girls like him, but I love him, but then i think- Carmine must love him too, because she never lets go, and I would never let go...I try not to think about it too much, because I know surely the time between Sasha and I is true.

Eslington High School, Upper field, 12:38 (lunchtime)

I always eat my lunch on the Upperfield, where there's hardly anyone but the inclining blades of grass, wind and sunshine.

When i first made it to the top, i wheezed and gasp and fell onto the grass. I was that unfit. But now i make it to the upperfield at a marathon time of 8 minutes . I am quite pleased with myself, i would be a liar if i had said so otherwise.

As i move towards the lone bench on the side of the middle of the field, I see Sasha laying down on it, face titled, watching me as I walk towards him.

He sits up properly when I get there, making space for me. I lean forward and hug him, tightly.

"I'm sorry. It's not okay if you die, it'll never be okay, and that's why if you die I will surely die too."

I feel his arms move against me. His fingers grasping onto my dress, he whispers, "Why didn't you say goodbye before you left?"

I pull away from him and tug on my dress, "Because you're a perverted thief."

His cell eats the crushed berries again...I smile.

"T-that...You left it at my house..."

I dislike people lying, but for some reason, i only think that Sasha is cute. I kiss him on the cheeks.

"Did you sleep with it? As I "left" it on your bed. It smells like you a lot."

He sticks out his tongue, "Yeah, can i have it back for tonight?"

And so we made up.

Eslington High, 5th Period, 2:55pm

So if X is...then the...wait...but if they equal 97...

I slump onto my desk, my pen rolls away from me. Maths is like a time warp for me- i get nowhere but here.

"...eve...Nieve...are you listening? Nieve!"

I glance up, my eye flickers to the teacher then at Sasha. What is he doing here? I hope he's not going to ask something silly, I think he's seen enough of me today.

"Yes?"

"Ah, Sasha said that the Careers teacher had called for you just right now."

Careers teacher? Ms. Rhode? I am about to disagree ("But...I've already had my Careers appointment...") until...that is, i see how he is. He looks angry. Not smiling. Not anything. Hands clenched. Mouth tight. Angry. Grrr.

"I..." Sasha gave me "the look". I close my mouth and followed him out of the class. I follow him, and follow him, I wait for him to speak first.

We reached the hallway, my locker. He takes the padlock out and opens it. A shard of paper flutters to the ground.

"What don't you tell me?"

I look at the red words, "I thought it was alright. I don't see how it concerns you. You didn't have to lie and pull me out of class for this, you can ask about this stuff afterschool."

"It does concern me."

I don't know what to say, he continues.

"You...you don't like seeing me afterschool but you...I don't get you.." Sasha mumbles, "if I did ask then...You'd just...same as right now..." he laughed, "just like right now."

"I...this sort of thing, I'm really fine with it- it's not the first time. I'll see you on Friday at school, okay? I'll clean it up by then." I turn to walk away, but he holds onto my wrists, and pulls me towards him.

"Sometimes, sometimes, I really don't get you."

"Everyone is different, no-one is the same. No-one can understand each other fully. I'm going."

He looks at me, still angry, and then let's goes of my hands.

"Fine" he whispers.

As i walk away i hear my locker slam, and a metallic clatter. I think he broke my locker.

I snap my head back. I see my locker door on the floor and Sasha's receding figure. I guess that's when I started to cry.

"Four Days without you". Monday, Sasha's house, 8am

Sasha looked blankly at his ceiling. He marvelled at the slow drift of light passing through the white. White. He closed his eyes as he remembered Nieves white dress. He never wanted to hold something more, especially after her wearing it, it would be so full of her. He could not stop to himself to think how great if he could actually hold her. Sasha turned over and grasped the pillow onto his face. He never thought he would feel his heart ache so much again. But he just didn't understand her. He smothered his head against the pillow.

She says if he ever dies, she would too die.

She says it doesn't matter about her.

He knows he's happy...she... or...is she? Reluctant to be around him all the time, that said so much.

He grasped the pillow closer to his face. He didn't get it no matter how much he thought about it- this time was the same. It always made him feel so tired he didn't even want to go to school. But going to school meant he could see her face, and maybe, work it out. If this went on for longer, he felt he would surely be done for.