How to say my true feelings?

Which are consuming me from the inside

Black snowflakes swirl

Around the blank white shadows behind my eyes

I hate to hurt you

Hate to loose you as a FRIEND

Don't know what to say

How to say it any other way

Than the truth.

I can't grieve 'til I can grow

I can't cry until I can grieve

I can't let go.

I hate to cause pain

But the pain I hold inside

The pain I take onboard from you

Is twisting my soul

Is poisoning me

Slowly dripping into the gaping open wound you left from last time

A sword in my side

Eternal, shameful, secret

And ever-present.