7A/N: HI! This is Monica and Angie, and this is our uber random story. We were bored, and randomly came up with this idea. This is dedicated to Lover of Sleep becuase she's just awesome like that =) Review please~
The Attack of the Saucepan
"Why do you want me to come over again?"
Larry looked at Kevin nervously and responded, "I need help with my… science."
"Gee, I don't know."
All of a sudden, a group of jocks passed by the two boys and pushed Larry against a locker.
"Get outta my way, loser." The one with brown hair yelled.
"Yea," said another, "Kevin, why are you associating with this loser anyways?"
Kevin shrugged his shoulders as the jocks disappeared down the hallway. He looked at Larry's sad face and sighed.
"Fine, I'll help." He said feeling sorry for Larry.
Larry's face brightened, "Great! So I'll see you after school!" With that, Larry ran off bumping into a wall on the way. "I'm okay!" he called back to Kevin. Then he continued to his next class.
Kevin shook his head and walked towards his locker.
After a few hours, Kevin found himself seated in Larry's room.
"So," Kevin started awkwardly. He was interrupted by a bowl of chips shoved in his face.
"Eat." Larry commanded.
Kevin blinked, "Uhh, thanks." He grabbed a handful of chips and started eating.
Kevin pulled out his science binder and flipped to that day's note. "So," he started, "when calculating displacement, you must remember that it is a vector quantity."
Kevin was once again interrupted by a box of cookies that was being shoved into his hands.
"Eat." Larry commanded once more.
Kevin stared, "Err, thanks." He started to eat the cookies as he explained more about displacement.
"So here we have this formula that explains how to," Larry handed Kevin a slice of cake.
"Eat."
Kevin gave Larry a quizzical look, "Are you trying to make me fat?"
Larry shifted his eyes, "Of course not. Now eat."
Kevin sighed and started to eat the cake.
After demonstrating a few more examples on displacement, Kevin had gone through a box of French fries, a hamburger, an entire cake, a bowl of chips, half a box of cookies, and three cups of chocolate pudding. Kevin was very glad he had a high metabolism.
Larry offered Kevin a bowl of ice cream, "Eat."
Kevin furrowed a brow, "Uhh, no thank you. I'm really full. Let's just focus on the next topic."
Larry glared, "Eat." He repeated.
Kevin refused, "No really, I'm full."
"EAT!" Larry screamed.
Kevin took the ice cream bowl reluctantly, and ate it. He felt like he was about to explode.
Not wanting to be fed junk food anymore, he grabbed his stuff and got up to leave, "So, thanks for the food. I'll see you on Monday." With that, Kevin dashed out of the house.
The next day, Kevin rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he looked up towards the ceiling. He was glad it was a Saturday, and decided to start his day off with a morning jog.
He rolled of his bed, but found it was harder than usual. "That's weird." he commented to himself.
Kevin hit the floor with a loud thud, and tried getting up. However, he found that he couldn't move. His body felt very heavy, and weak.
After a couple more tries, Kevin finally got to his feet. He looked down, but found that something was blocking his view of his feet. He looked across the room towards his mirror, and shrieked in horror.
"HOLY SHIT! I'M A FAT-ASS!" He would've ran to the bathroom, but as soon as he tried to take a step forward, he fell flat on his face.
"That bastard…" he muttered to himself. With great difficulty, Kevin stood up once more.
Very carefully, he made his way to his door. He then remembered that he had not changed since he woke up.
He looked down at his stretched clothes. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants that looked as if it was going to burst, and a white t-shirt that was now ruined. "Great, I'm Santa-sized." He muttered angrily.
Kevin took ten minutes to walk a meter towards his door. From there, it took him another ten minutes to squeeze through the doorway, and rolled down the stairs.
He skipped breakfast, knowing what was good for him, and went out the front door. Kevin slowly walked the seven blocks towards Larry's house.
He eventually made it… in about three hours. Panting heavily, he banged on the door.
It creaked open to reveal a very happy looking Larry in a weird costume.
Kevin glared as he scolded Larry in between breaths.
"You… made… me… FAT! You… bastard!" Kevin forced himself into Larry's house and collapsed in the middle of the living room floor.
Larry stood over Kevin and cackled, "Have a hard time getting here?" he smirked.
Kevin tried to kick Larry, but he found that his legs were far too short.
"Do you like my gift?" Larry asked poking Kevin's big stomach.
"Hell no!" Kevin screeched.
Larry frowned, "Hopefully, you like my costume."
"Actually, I don't. What the hell are you anyways? You're dressed up all funny like it's another Halloween."
"I'm a saucepan!"
"… What? You look like a sorcerer to me."
"SAME DIFFERENCE!"
"Anyways, why'd you make me fat? What do you want with me?"
"We are legion! Kevin, we shall kill you, eat you, and take your soul into the depths of this miserable world! Aka, Mount Rushmore."
"Who the hell is 'we' anyways?"
"We are the Morah!" Larry clarified.
"What the hell? Isn't that from the book we had to read in English class? The Wind Singer?"
"… Uhh, you see, I have a very good reason for that."
"And what is that reason?"
"Well, the reason is… uhh… oh yea, THE REASON IS BECAUSE YOU'RE FAT!"
"What the hell? What does that have to do with anything?"
"… I don't know actually. Now stay still and let me eat you."
"It's okay, I'll pass." Kevin tried to get up which landed him an epic fail.
"HAHA! You're too FAT to run!"
"That's cause you made me like that! What did you do to that food anyways?!"
"I put magic on it! Now you can't move and I shall eat you and be the coolest kid at school!" Larry laughed maniacally.
"Psh, I doubt that." Kevin muttered to himself.
"Excuse me?" Larry twitched slightly.
At that moment, a group of girls burst through the front door.
"WE'RE THE SPARKLE GENERATION!" three of them yelled, "We're composted of,"
"You mean composed!" one of them shouted.
"Yes, that. Composed of, May, Monica, Airadi, Cindy and Chi-Chi!"
"Yea, I really don't want to be here." Monica said.
Cindy replied, "That makes two of us."
"I will onionize you!" May pointed threateningly at Larry.
"What does that mean?" Cindy asked.
"It's the same thing as pulverizing." Chi-Chi spoke up.
"It still doesn't make sense…" Monica grumbled.
"Well you don't make any sense!" May shouted waving her arms in the air.
"Why do you always say that?" Monica asked.
"EXCUSE ME!" Kevin interrupted their quarrel, "I STILL NEED HELP OVER HERE!"
"Shut up fatso!" May retorted.
"Oh that's it! Don't make me sit on you!"
"Then why don't you waddle over here and do it already!" Chi-Chi challenged.
"I think I will!" Kevin once again tried to get up… failing miserably.
"AHAHAHAHA Fat-head!" Chi-Chi and May laughed in unison.
"May, aren't we supposed to be saving him?" Monica reminded.
"Oh yea. WE'LL SAVE YOU!" May ran over to Kevin and tried lifting him up. There was a sudden crack as May yelped in pain, "Ow! My back!"
"Oh no! I'll help!" Chi-Chi ran over to where May was crouching, and mimicked her actions, "Ow! My uvula!"
"That's in your mouth!" Cindy said emotionlessly.
"Oh… whatever."
"I'LL FIX IT FOR YOU!" Airadi randomly said as she pounced on May's back.
May cried out in agony, "ARGH! You made it worse!"
"Sorry…" Airadi then turned to Chi-Chi, "Chi-Chi! I'll help you too!" she punched Chi-Chi square in the face.
"OW! Now my uvula!"
"I'm not involved in this." Cindy shuffled away slowly.
"NO!" Monica grabbed Cindy's hood from behind, "You can't make me suffer this crap by myself!"
"Yea I can. I have a history test to study for." Cindy broke free from Monica's grasp and walked out the front door.
"NO! The Sparkle Generation is incomplete!" May wailed.
Monica gasped, "You used a big word! Say it again!"
"Uhh, in- in…cest. Incest!"
"EW" Chi-Chi screamed in horror.
"I could really go for a beer right now." Airadi randomly said. All of a sudden, the Sparkle Generation heard glass breaking behind them. They whirled around to see Larry trying to sneak off.
May pointed accusingly, "He's trying to escape! Get him!"
All the girls except for Monica ran towards Larry like a wild pack of hyenas.
They grabbed him by his cloak and pulled him back towards them. Larry immediately shoved a piece of cheese in May's face.
"EAT!" Larry screamed.
"Ooh! It's cheese!" May drooled. She reached out to grab the cheese, when a ninja star suddenly came flying and whacked it out of Larry's hands.
Everyone turned around to see Monica holding more stars.
"That's right, I'm a ninja! What're you gonna do about it?" Monica glared.
At that exact moment, everyone saw Kevin run to the cheese and pop it in his mouth.
"You idiot!" Airadi screamed, "you're already fat!"
"I know! I just can't stop eating!" Kevin wailed.
Larry took this chance to take out his smoke bombs. "By the power vested in me by the celestial light, I shall make my grand escape!" he declared.
Larry threw one of his smoke bombs to the ground. A pink puff of smoke smelling like cotton candy engulfed the room.
"Oh my god!" May exclaimed, "he's gay!"
"I'M NOT GAY!" Larry cried. "Oh shit, smoke bomb didn't work. Alright, by the power vested in me by the golden kingdom of tears, I shall finally make my ultimate escape of femininity!"
"What?!" Everyone exclaimed.
"I don't know," Larry confessed, irritated, "I just needed an extra word!" He threw the smoke bomb down and this time, a brown mist appeared.
"Oh my god!" Chi-Chi yelled, "He farted!"
"NO I DIDN'T!" Larry shouted very frustrated, "You know what? Screw this. I'll use this stupid smoke bomb to get my ass out of here." Larry threw down his last smoke bomb, which was grey, and finally disappeared out of sight.
As soon as the smoke cleared, the Sparkle Generation looked around wildly.
"Where'd he go?!" Airadi shouted.
"I don't know!" Chi-Chi said.
"It's a mystery!" May shouted enthusiastically.
"Are you kidding me?!" Monica glared at the floor, "why am I stuck with these losers?!"
Suddenly, the Sparkle Generation heard a rustling in the kitchen. Thinking it was Larry, they ran into the kitchen to find Kevin in the corner snacking on food.
"Dude! Stop friggen eating!" Chi-Chi yelled, hitting Kevin's head with a loaf of bread.
"I can't stop!" Kevin cried and started rolling on the floor, "Oh my god! I'm having a heart attack!"
"No you're not," Monica looked at him skeptically, "If you were, you wouldn't be able to talk."
"Oh," Kevin stopped rolling, "can you de-fatten me please?"
"That's what the Sparkle Generation is for!" May exclaimed and held up a large tube.
Kevin eyed the tube nervously, "What the hell is that for?"
"Time for some liposuction." Chi-Chi crackled evilly.
"Will it hurt?" Kevin asked meekly.
"Of course it will…" Airadi smirked.
There was a sudden buzzing and Kevin screamed, "AHHHH!"
And those were the last words the Sparkle Generation heard from Kevin… actually, no, they weren't.
Kevin is now back to his normal physique. He now lives a peaceful life, and has learned two valuable lessons.
One, never eat food given to you by people like Larry, and two, never trust the Sparkle Generation.
Larry was never found, ever again. Some say, he now works for the tooth fairy. Maybe, he's even your local dentist. Remember people, never trust your dentist.
A/N: Okay, we had pizza, and we were really hyper. Oh and we don't own The Wind Singer by William Nicholson, so don't sue us. =/ So, please review!