The Fairytale Game

Her name was Nadia. She was my best friend, and I was in love with her. She was in love with me, too, I think. I'll never know for sure, because her parents sent her away. Year-round boarding school on the other side of the country. My fault. Well, mostly my fault. I mean, I was the one who kissed her, and I was the one dressed up as a princess. She was being the prince, just like always. She made a really great prince. She could beat up all of the monsters without breaking a sweat. She wasn't scared of anything, except her dad. Not even the monsters under the bed!

I was the one who was scared of everything. I'm scared of monsters in my closet, basements, spiders, haunted houses, bats, and everything else that you might find in a horror movie or a little kid's nightmares. I've always had an over-active imagination, so I still sleep with a light on. …and yes, I do still have my pink stuffed bunny and my baby blanket. I never really grew up, I guess.

It's funny, now that I think about it- Nadia was such a tomboy, and I was so girly. You wouldn't think we'd get along so well. If it wasn't for the fairytale game we might've never become friends at all, actually. But she needed a princess to protect, and I needed a prince to save me, so it worked out.

Plus, her parents had always wanted a girly-girl, so they kept giving her pretty dresses and jewelry. I've always loved sparkly, pretty things, so she'd give them to me. Come to think of it, I would have been just the child her parents always wanted, if I was a girl. Not that that would've helped us in the long run, because their daughter kissing a girl would've been just as bad, in their minds.

Before she left, we played the most awesome trick on her parents. When she packed all her stuff, I packed most of mine, too. Guess whose things went with her? I would've loved to see her parents' faces when they discovered that she only had boy stuff. It was great. I got pretty things, and she got comfortable stuff that wouldn't get hurt when she played outside. I ended up growing out of the clothes, though, because I was only ten then. I still have the toys and stuff, though. My sister's been trying to convince me to switch to blue, non-frilly bedclothes for years.

Luckily for me, my brother's the one who takes me shopping, so I can get clothes I like. He doesn't mind, as long as they come from the boy's section. Sometimes he even lets me buy a dress or something, to wear at home. And I can get as much make-up and jewelry as I want, if I use my own money.

My brother doesn't care that I'm… whatever I am. He doesn't like that I get picked on, but otherwise he supports me in my choices. The whole thing with only buying boy's clothes is just to try to keep the bullies off my back. It doesn't help, but his heart is in the right place. They'd pick on me even if I acted like a normal kid. The only time they've ever left me alone was the three years Nadia was here, and that was only because they were scared of her. The day they found out she wasn't coming back, I came home with a black eye and a split lip. It's gotten worse since then.

That's not to say I don't have any friends. I have a whole group of friends… outside of school. They're awesome. Not necessarily the "best" people, but loyal to our group. They never tease me or try to make me be someone I'm not- I do that on my own- and they would never, ever, hurt me. I don't have to worry about them pressuring me into anything I'm uncomfortable with, even though I'm by far the most innocent. Some of them smoke, most of them have had alcohol before, and Dark always carries knives. So, yeah, not the best of people, but like I said, they'd all protect me with their lives.

And I lie to them all.

I pretend to be someone else when I'm around them. I don't do anything bad, don't think that, but I do act differently. I act braver than I am. I puff out my chest and glare and say how much life sucks. I wear dark colors and pants and very, very little make-up. Any femininity that slips past my guard is easily blamed on my gothic-ness. Yeah, I'm a Goth- at least when I'm with them. The rest of the time I'm a total prep.

They have no idea.