Everybody has one special drea. A dream of love. Of money. Of power. Of sex. Everybody has desires that need to be fulfilled, no matter what your vice . Yet my greatest desire. My most wished for wish is to find a perfect peace within me. A place where emotions don't interfere with my thinking. A place where others expectations are nothing to me. Yes all I want is to be at peace with my self and find the numbness to the world that some of my peers have been gifted with.

To be at peace with myself would be a belessing. To have that peace be so unshakeable that no matter what I did, I could go home and sleep at night. To do what I want and I could just walk away with out wondering. I could simply close my eyes and be alone. Apathy and indifference to my own mind would be a blessing.

To close my mind to the world. to feel no more shame for my peers. To let the world and it's dreams of greed, of lust, of power, fill me. To steel me for the fires and temper my soul to be something harder. Stronger. Number. Completely inanimate between my ears. Watching the world with it's dreams of avarice. To watch those dreams be carried out and to not be saddened in the least by the immorality of it all. To abandon my contempt for the world and disdane for it's ways. Then I will have become numb. Unreactive as stone. More passive than water. Numbess to the world will ease my soul.

A dream of greed. A gream of power. A dream of love, if only for the hour. I know all sin, I know all the vice. I can tell you the secrets, but they really aren't nice. To be alone in my head, with out all of this , to be bumb to the world would put me in bliss. I dream of a heaven for me and a hell for this wworld. To indulge all I like and never hear a scold. To be free of my desire, to be free of my lust. To be perfectly calm. APATHY OR BUST!


This essay was written after a night of little, to no sleep. and in a paticularly bad mood. The views expressed in this are not my own. I wrote it for the shock and awe of the poor sucker grading this. he must not have liked it that much because i got a 5.5 out of 6. and edited version is submitted as a poem of the same name.