There were many times I doubted myself being with him. Was I too good for him or as he too good for me? Lots of questions filled my head everyday and every night. But it all came to me being content that I was even with him, beside him.
"Jessy you look awfully happy." Nicole smiled at me. Her luscious baby soft hair danced as the cool winter air blew.
"Oh well, you know winter's here!" I said with glee. I telling half the truth, but hey I was honest. I do love winter and I was happy it was here, but there were other reasons too. As I stretched out my arms into the air I said, "Wow I'm glad break is here."
As I walked further onto the school sidewalk, my hair danced along with Nicole's, I saw a glimpse of an all too familiar figure. As Nicole and I walked up to Alvin and Jonathan, I couldn't help but smile and feel this sensation of, "Wow I can't believe this is happening."
While Jonathan and Nicole walked ahead of us (as usual) I was scrolling on the sidewalk with Alvin hand in hand, "So you know Michael is leaving for Florida and I was planning on hanging out with him before he leaves."
"Do you wanna come?"
"Sure, but where? I was actually planning on doing some Christmas shopping at Wallive Mall."
"Um…come online tonight and ask him, because I'm not too sure about the details myself."
"Okay." I smiled.
So that night I talked to Michael online and decided that we'd go to Wallive Mall and I could invite a friend, which I did. After everything was planned out I asked my mother.
"What do you mean I can't go?!" I exclaimed.
"There's a snow storm tonight and the weather is still pretty bad tomorrow as well." She explained.
"But I checked the news and they said it was fine to go out tomorrow!" I persisted.
"Why must you go out tomorrow?"
"Because I need to find a gift for Nicole!" which was true I did need to find a gift for Nicole since her birthday was coming up.
"Can't you go some other day?"
"I don't have time!"
My mom was hesitate and I knew them her mind was set. There was no backing down once she made her decision.
"There's no way go, can I?" I asked, furious.
My mom nodded, "Fine." And I stormed off.
I quickly went onto Messenger and explained to Alvin that I couldn't go and that my mother wouldn't let me.
"What?" I ask appalled.
"You gotta stop telling me lame excuses."
"What are you talking about? I'm serious, I'm not lying!"
"Whatever. It's fine."
No it wasn't and I knew that, "I'm seriously not lying or making up lame excuses. I can't go because my mom won't let me!"
"Whatever. It's fine."
I couldn't take it anymore. I was starting to cry so without saying bye I just left. An incident like this happened before, though that time I honestly told him I just didn't want to go out. Why? Because I just didn't want to. There was no reason behind it, I just didn't feel like it and I honestly told him. But he considered that truth a lame excuse. Since when was telling the truth a lame excuse?
I quickly dialed the only person I knew that would be there. As I pressed the numbers, I couldn't help but fumble and try my hardest to restrain myself from crying.
First ring. Second ring. Third ring. I was beginning to lose hope she would pick up until…
"Hello?" A male voice answered.
"Um…hi uncle, may I speak with Nicole please?" Still trying my hardest not to cry.
"Yeah sure. Hold on." As Nicole's father called for her, I kept telling myself to not cry and to just calmly tell her what happened.
"Hello?" Nicole answered. I collapsed.
"Oh my god! Jessy what's wrong?!" Nicole asked with great concern.
"He doesn't believe me." I cried non-stop.
"Who? Don't cry."
"Alvin. He doesn't believe me." I continued to sob.
"What. How…Why doesn't he believe you?"
"I told him I couldn't go and that my mother wouldn't let me, but he wouldn't believe me saying that I'm making a lame excuse. I told him that I was seriously telling the truth, but he didn't believe me!"
"Aww…he seriously shouldn't get mad at you. I mean why doesn't he believe you? It is snowing like mad man on a rampage."
"I don't know. I just know that I'm sad and he's mad."
"On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 feeling the worst. What's the number?"
"I really don't get how he thinks I'm lying. Like that other time when I told him I just didn't want to go out. I was honest about that and he just said it was a lame excuse."
"Uh…did you see his personal message display name?"
"No, I'm not online. Why? What does it say?
Nicole told me and I felt a sudden stab from behind, "Geez, why doesn't he just stab me instead." I said, furious and depressed.
"#1, I hope you feel better even though I'm not there to give you a hug and #2 that jerk!"
"And you know what I hate?"
"I hate that I can't be mad at him. Sometimes I wish that I could just yell or scream at him for just saying hurtful things. But I can't be mad at him." I laughed sadly.
Somehow things led to another, we weren't talking about my situation anymore just things that happened in school, recent stupid gossips and how people have changed.
After an hour and a half my tears managed to restrain themselves from soiling my eyes and I managed to smile and laugh every so often. I loved Nicole. In a friendship for good or bad, friends are always there for you. But when you're in a relationship it's hard to tell them the bad news. You don't want them to worry and you don't want to tell them, "Yeah you're making me cry." You just stay…silent.
After we said our good-byes on the phone I felt better, almost like I shouldn't cry over just stupid things.
"I'm better than this." I told myself, "I'm a strong-willed girl." Saying it was actually a lot easier than feeling it.
After I brushed my teeth, I headed for my room. I first knocked and entered my room, where my sister laid on her bed while talking on the phone. My sister looked at me waiting for me to say what I had to say, "Um…I'm need to sleep." I told her.
She nodded, got up and walked up to the door, waiting for me to get in bed while she turned off the lights. Since it's a shared room between my sister and I, there's not much privacy. As I got into my bed all comfy and such, she turned off the lights and said good-night before resuming back to her conversation with her friend.
I waited several moments when I knew for sure my sister wasn't around the room. I sat up and hugged my legs and was suddenly sadden. He was mad at me and I knew that. Would there be another chance for that opportunity? Maybe not. My heart ached and I was suddenly surprised. So this is what most girls feel like when something bad happened between the boy they like. This heavy feeling in the chest and this feeling where your heart actually feels like it's been split in two. I was amazed, sure I've heard about it but never have I felt it.
In the dark where I knew no one could see me I smiled, happy that I was honest with myself and feeling this wonderful experience. Sure relationships have their ups and downs, but no relationship is perfect. This one was different though. It felt like it was neither. He didn't trust me so why should I trust him? I was honest to him but he just chose not to believe me, is it my fault? Should I blame myself for everything that's gone wrong or should I blame him?
My smile grew bigger, it wasn't either of our fault. Things were just meant to happen I guess. As much as I love him, I can't blame him.
As the night grew on, my smile remained but my eyes began to soil themselves again. I was happy yet I was sad knowing even at the back of my head, things will never be the same again.
A/N: Very short story. This is dedicated to my friend Winnie :3. Thanks Winnie for always being there for me x)