Running away again

I sighed. The breeze blew my thick brown bangs over my eyes but I just ignored it, instead slouching forward and kicking off with my feet, rocking myself back and forth, back and forth on the swing set. Picking at the already chipped green paint on the chains, I remembered sitting here, nearly ten years ago now, swinging back and forth, forcing myself higher and higher, wanting, needing to swing higher, fall faster, screaming out to my father to look at me, to watch me as I swung. Sometimes he would push my seat higher and higher and higher until a squeal of delight escape my lips as I death gripped my tiny fingers around the shiny new slick of green paint, reaching for the bright blue sky…

The rain began gradually, but it wasn't until it was bucketing down on me that I reacted to the icy cold winter drops that soaked through my light cardigan and blood red satin formal dress. My whole body convulsed as sobs ripped through my body once more, forcing me to hunch over further. I was losing control over my emotions once more, but I couldn't keep it in any longer.

"THAT BASTARD" my screams tore through the darkness that surrounded me, "THAT MOTHER FUCKING BASTARD" my voice dripped with the pain and the agony the filled my soul, breaking just on the last word. I was rocking again. Back and forth, back and forth, concentrating just on the rhythm of the swinging, I calmed down again, the tears easing as the rain did. I felt the dark streaks of mascara dry on my cheeks and my body had ceased its shaking. Taking several deep breaths, I closed my eyes, seeing it all again; we were all alone in the house; he had followed me upstairs and into my room, shutting the door behind him. As he advanced on me, his widened pupils betrayed him, I knew he was high again and as his tongue pushed its way down my throat, the smell of alcohol on his breath overwhelmed me, nearly making me gag as he forced me down onto the bed, crushing my body beneath his…

My eyes snapped open. Golden beams of light were making their way over the horizon, signaling morning. I rose unsteadily from my seat on the swing and crossed the park, making my way along the road, I focusing on the rhythm of my heart beating in my chest and the soft thuds of my footsteps on the tarmac as I made them move faster. With all the energy I had, my walk turned into a jog, which quickly sped into a steady run. I ran, leaving behind my life, my family, my friends, my memories. I ran from all the pain, the aching, the tears and the fears I've felt all my life. I ran.