God I've Gone Blind

Dear God I've gone blind I thought for who knows how many times in my life. Something gone missing here, something mysteriously vanishing there. Oh, it was always the small stuff. But not today. Yeah, today I lost the one thing used the most infrequently, and really had no use for, yet I knew it was missing. I distinctly remember setting the damn thing on my headboard before leaving for work, yet now, as I tear through my room on a mad search for this thing I never really used, I thought those five words again.

Dear God I've gone blind. Things have always had the tendency to disappear from me. My keys, my wallet, a guitar, all the little things. But now, a reliable, however much disused, object was evading capture in my tiny room. So, naturally, I thought I'd finally lost my ability to simply find things. Oh, I always found things before, I usually just accused someone of taking it before having to confess it had been in plain sight all along. Foolish as usual.

Dear God I've gone blind. Ten bucks here, twenty bucks there. I'd lost a lot of money to the bottomless pit that was my house. Things went missing that were never accounted for again. I just hoped this wasn't the case. My dog even disappeared on me one day. Turned out the couch had it for dessert. I'm telling you my house is plotting against us. Swallowing everything from dogs, keys, and money, to dirty socks and food. I hope it's latest victim wasn't the thing I ripped it apart for.

Dear God, screw it. I'm going to bed... Yeah, it seemed the house had claimed it's prey. It was nowhere to be found, neither high nor low in my house. I'm sure that thing will show up sooner or later, but I just hope it does. I really have absolutely no use for it, what with not having a girlfriend and never staying in contact with any friends. So the point of this object was completely moot. Yet I still was a little pissed that it was gone.

Dear God, if don't you stop that noise, I'm going to break my alarm clock on the wall... A low, menacing growl was issuing from near my door. I tried to locate its source. It was about ten a.m. and I was just waking a wake up. GRRRRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRR. It sounded so monotone that I knew it had to be what I had lost. So I rampaged through that part of my room in hopes of finding it. Nope. Still gone. finally, I decided to dress for the day. I opened my top drawer for the first time since the whole fiasco started and pulled out a pair of jogging shorts. GRRRRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRR. GRRRRRRRRR. I looked in foolish chagrin as the object I had hunted so passionately now taunted me from the bottom of my drawer.

Dear God, I wasn't blind, though I fear this time it may be my mind... I picked it up in one hand and glared at it as it tried to get away, slowly growling this way and that. I decided to open it up and give it a little lesson. As soon as I did, it died. The batteries were dead and my cell phone needed charging...