Nathaniel.

When put together, those nine little letters can make me smile like nothing else can.

They can also make me frown like nothing else can.

Nathaniel is the ever mentioned object of my desire. Not ever mentioned to you, of course. You just met me. The man in question is, however, mentioned regularly to my housemate Todd. The poor guy. I'm sure he tires of hearing how wonderful Nathaniel is. Not because he's jealous, you understand. Todd is just my friend. My best friend, but only a friend. He would likely just as soon kiss a porcupine as kiss me, the woman he has considered to be like a sister since the day I was born. No, the reason he tires of hearing my endless stories of adoration is the fact that he is Nathaniel's younger brother. He has been in his brother's shadow his entire life, and I know it doesn't help to have his best friend constantly remind him of all the ways Nathaniel shines more brightly. Todd may not want my attention, but I am yet another person who will always feel he will never measure up to his brother.

Really though, who could measure up to Nathaniel? No one ever has, and that is why I am still single.

I can't help myself. I have held some level of affection for Nathaniel for the past seven years. Seven long, torturous years of wishing and wanting something I can't have. Holding it in that long would get to a girl, so you'll understand why I have to talk about it from time to time.

Ours is a tale of age differences, missed opportunities, busy schedules, fear, attraction, love, misery and ultimately, patience. Our lives have taken every twist and turn possible to ensure we would not wind up together. Still, my foolish heart refuses to let go. What started as a preteen girl's crush has turned into a grown woman's longing for that which will never be. I suppose I have only myself to blame.

I should have never fallen in love with the boy next door.