I'll be honest I'm not sure where in hell this came from, I have a vague memory of thinking about Olga and that's it...

the olga files

the enormous ball of lint

One day there was a very scary monster. This monster had a lot of hair that was very brown. This monster was named Olga the Brown. Olga was a monster and she had very brown hair. One morning while observing her very brown hair in the medicine cabinet mirror, she felt something hit her in the leg. It was an enormous ball of lint, or enormous as a ball of lint could actually be. Anyhow, this was very startling to Olga the monster with very brown hair. But she couldn't figure it out so she forgot it and moved on with her monster kind of life. So the days came and went, and Olga had forgotten the enormous ball of lint that hit her in the leg that lonely forgotten morning. To this day the enormous ball never crosses her mind, though it is ironically still on the bathroom floor and she nearly steps on it every morning while moving to the medicine cabinet mirror the observe her very brown hair.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Many things are forgotten, even the things you nearly step on in the morning when you want to observe you very brown hair.

missing hairs

As Olga's day begins on a regular schedule, apart from the enormous ball of lint, nothing unusual happened to Olga. Many people find this odd because she is a monster with very brown hair and that is odd in itself but that's not the point. Anyway, as legend has it, once again Olga the monster with very brown hair woke up one morning and made her way to the bathroom to start her everyday ritual, observing her very brown hair. So was it that when she got there she nearly stepped on the enormous ball of lint, but it never crosses her mind. She gets to the medicine cabinets mirror and to her shock, she is unable to observe her very brown hair because she is, unbelievably BALD! Olga stares at her reflection for a moment. But being the rather boring monster that Olga is, she shrugged it off and switched to observing her very peach skin every morning. Some of us people might find this odd because being a monster doesn't seem boring to us! But it is what it is.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Even though many things are forgotten, you could still wake up bald.

go to bed

Olga was up to her new usual, observing her bald peach skin, when she heard a crash. The crash came from the living room, not far from the bathroom where Olga was busy observing. Of course, only having a bedroom, living room and bathroom, the rooms couldn't be very far apart. Olga didn't usually have visitors, but today her nephew was staying over, on account of no reason at all. Olga noticed that is was time for bed. "Goodnight nephew on my sister's side" she said to her nephew on her sister's side. Allegedly, he has gone to bed on the couch and was fast asleep. But when Olga woke up at her usual time to go to the bathroom, she heard a crash when she was on the pot. "Go to bed nephew on my sister's side" she said. Her nephew didn't go to bed right then but Olga the bald monster did, and it is unknown if she had to repeat herself that night.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Just because a relative tells you to go to bed, they might not notice if you in fact, don't.

candles and such

Olga's nephew on her sister's side had been over the week before this day and he left at Olga's house some candles. What he was doing with candle, we may never know. So Olga decided it was time she added a tiny itty bit of pizzazz to her every day boring really, really, boring ritual. She told herself that she would keep the candles for herself and never return them to her nephew on her sister's side. Olga put the candles on the back of the toilet which worked also as a shelf, in her opinion. A few days slowly and boringly went by as she observed her peach skin in the candle light. One day, something exciting finally happened, or maybe it wasn't exciting but it at least got Olga's pulse to change. So one day after Olga flushed the toilet with candles on the back of it, a candle fell off. Olga didn't notice until after the enormous ball of lint caught fire and somehow propelled itself right into the surface of her left butt cheek. "Ouch!" Olga said, but a little louder than she normally says things. Eventually the flames died off the enormous ball of lint turned to dust, which is still lying on the bathroom floor to this very day. Olga shrugged this experience off also, but she not only had her first semi, semi exciting experience, she now has a lovely design of an enormous lint ball on her left butt cheek.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Enormous lint balls prove to be a fire hazard.

let him strike me where i stand.

One day while Olga's nephew on her sister's side was still staying at her house for no apparent reason, he started to have a séance with his candles that Olga will eventually steal. Olga is not normally religious but for the purpose of this story she is. When her nephew on her sisters side who was staying at her house for no apparent reason started to have a séance, it broke Olga from her normal daily ritual of observing her peachy skin in the mirror of the bathroom medicine cabinet, to tell him to stop. He said no. She said stop. He said no. She said stop. He said why? She said because God does not want us to do such things. He said if God exists let him strike me where I stand. God did. To this day there is still a hole in Olga's living room that goes through her ceiling through her floor and all the way to China.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Don't tell God to strike you dead to prove his existence.