5I Will Be Back
Slowly I walked from the small dugout to the array of bats leaning against the fence and picked up the one that I had brought. My dad bought it for me when he heard that Brett was teaching me how to play. He had then spent the next two weeks of summer teaching me how to bat, so that when I was ready I would be able to show those boys how to do it. I looked down at the silver bat that I held in my hands and smiled, this was the first time that the neighborhood boys had actually said yes to me playing with them, and the only reason they had was because one of their friends hadn't shown up. It also probably had a little bit to do with Brett telling them to let me play. But I liked to think it was because they thought I was good.
I stepped up to the right side of the home plate, knowing full well that I was a left handed batter, and spread my feet shoulder width apart just as my dad showed me. I then turned my head towards the pitcher, a large boy name Jordan Higgins. He gave me a crooked smile, that I knew was meant to intimidate me, but I tried to stand my ground, knowing that I could do this.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed all the boys that were in the out-field moving from their spots, closer to the in-field, surely thinking that I would be a terrible batter. I would show them though, just because I was a small seven year old girl didn't mean I couldn't hit just as well as them.
"Are you ready, Jenna?" Jordan hollered at me from where he was standing on the pitchers mound. I gave him a glare and nodded my head.
The pitch came fast, but I was ready, I kept my eye on the ball and swung harder than I had ever swung when I had practiced with my dad. I knew that now was the time that it really mattered if I hit the ball hard or not. Because this would show the boys that I really could play baseball, and that I wasn't just a little girl who liked to watch them play. I heard a loud clank as the ball connected with my bat. I didn't pause to look where it was going, or how hard I had hit it, I just dropped my bat and ran for first base.
"GO TO SECOND!" I heard one of my team mates scream at me just before I had made it to the first base, without even thinking about it I rounded first and headed for second base, hoping that my luck wouldn't run out. I felt my pink baseball cap fly of my head, and could feel my sandy blond hair flapping on my shoulders, but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop.
I could see Chris Mason, the center-field player running towards the ball that had surprisingly made it past him and was rolling towards the back fence. I smiled; I could easily make it to third, maybe even home if I ran fast enough. So that is what I did. I rounded second and headed for third, my pace getting faster and faster as I went.
Chris had finally gotten the ball and was throwing it in, but I knew I could make it; I pushed my legs harder than I ever had before and ran for home. I could see it; see the dirty white base covered in sand. I was only a few strides away, I was going to make it, I was going to get a home run, the boys would definitely include me in their games after this; I knew they would. I could see Brett's face smiling at me from the dugout, where I had been sitting just moments before, nervous about batting. He had told me I would hit a grand slam, and he had been right.
I stomped over the home plate, my pink light up sneakers flashing, as if cheering me on, I had done it! I got a home run! I looked up from my feet just in time to see a white blur, the next thing I knew I was on the ground staring up at an assortment of different faces, all wearing the same expression.
The first voice I heard was Brett's; I would know his voice anywhere. He was my best friend in Russell, where my Aunt Candace lived, and where I spent my summers. "Jenna!" He yelled his usually sweet sounding voice hurt my ears. That's when I felt the throbbing of my head. "Jenny, are you okay?"
I squinted up at all the faces surrounding me, trying to locate Brett, but I couldn't see him, I could only hear him. "Bretty," I croaked my voice hardly audible even to my own ears. "My head hurts." I glanced to my side and finally saw the face I was looking for, his light green eyes met my dark blue ones, and a small smile appeared on his dirt smeared face.
"I know, Jenny, I know," he said squeezing my arm with one hand as he pushed his golden blond hair out of his face with the other. I closed my eyes and smiled up at him, forgetting about the throbbing pain that was giving me a headache, and just listened to the murmur of the boys' voices. They sounded far away, and soon faded altogether, but the last voice I heard was Brett's.
I will never forget what he said that day that I hit my first home run, and got my first concussion from getting hit in the head with a baseball. "You did it, Jenny!" was what he had whispered so that only I could hear. He had known how much I wanted to play ball with them, how much I wanted to prove I was just as good. And he was the one who had believed in me, and even convinced the boys that I should be allowed to play when Jacob didn't show up that day. Brett had always known that I could do it; and had gotten me started by making me play catch with him when the boys were busy.
The next thing I remember from that day was waking up in my bed in my Aunt Candace's house, the setting sun shinning in my window, and Brett sitting peacefully on the window seat playing his game boy. I couldn't really remember how I had gotten there, but I did remember the baseball game.
"I did it Bretty!" I said as I pushed my self up higher on the bed so I was sitting. "I hit my first home run!" He looked over at me, shock washing over his face, I didn't understand why at the time, but now I think it must have been because I had been asleep for so long, he hadn't been expecting me to wake up.
"You did!" he said to me dropping his game boy and walking over to sit across from me on the bed.
"Do you think I will be able to play with you guys now?" I asked him, playing back the joy of actually playing baseball with the boys over in my head. Before Brett could answer my question though, the door to the room banged open and my mother walked in looking frazzled.
"Jennifer Anne Vincent," was the first thing out of her mouth, I cringed at the sound of my full name. She only used it when she was mad. "There is an outfit for you hanging in the closet, get dressed, we're going home." She then turned and left the room as quickly as she had come in.
I looked at Brett who still had his mouth open ready to answer my question, but I beat him to it. "When did she get here?" I asked him, as all thoughts of baseball left my mind. My mom was supposed to be home in Denver, Colorado. Not in Russell, California, she hated it here, hated everything about Russell, I didn't know why though. I loved Russell, the warm weather all the time, my Aunt Candace, and especially Brett. Everything about Russell was better than Denver. But mom didn't think so.
"She came after she heard you got hurt," Brett said not looking at me but down at the hem of his shirt that he was playing with. "I heard her say that she is taking you home so you won't get hurt again."
"But I'm not hurt, I'm fine," I said quickly, but as I said the words I knew my mom wouldn't believe me, not after she heard what happened at the baseball field. "Brett, I don't want to go home, I'm supposed to be here all summer, with you."
He nodded sadly, "its okay, Jenny, you'll be back next summer, and then we can play baseball with the other kids." He smiled a small smile at me, we both knew, even then at the age of seven that I wouldn't be back. I had confided in Brett that my mom had been fighting with my dad about allowing me to come here again this summer, but she didn't have a good enough reason for me not to. But now she did, now she had the best reason, I had gotten hurt under my Aunt Candace's watch. I wouldn't be coming back to my favorite place in the world next summer, and probably not any summer after this one.
I felt Brett's small fingers wiping away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks before I even realized I was crying. But once it started I couldn't stop. We sat there in my bed for a good ten minutes, me crying, and Brett doing nothing but wiping away my tears. After a while he stood up and told me he had to go home.
"I will be back," was the last thing I said to Brett before he walked out of my room. I was saying the words to Brett, but I was also making myself a promise, that I would see him again. I saw his head go down before he closed my door; I knew that he didn't believe me. But even at the age of seven I knew that I would see him again. I knew that I would be back to Russell.
I was keeping my promise, that's what I told myself as I pulled into the driveway in front of my Aunt Candace's house. I hadn't been there since I was seven, the same day that I hit my home run, and the same day I got my first concussion.
I put the car in park and got out slamming the door closed behind me I walked up the cement walk way and pushed open the front door. My Aunt knew that I was coming; I had called her only 15 minutes before to tell her I was nearly to her house.
"Aunt Candace?" I called out once I entered the house from my childhood; it looked the same, only everything had seemed a lot bigger when I was seven, ten years ago. "I'm going to go over to the neighbor's house, okay?" She didn't answer me, but I knew she wouldn't mind. I set my car keys on the table by the door and walked back out the front door.
His house was only a few down from my aunt's it would take me less than five minutes to get there. I had walked this street nearly every day during my summers here. But today it was different, today I wasn't going over with a bat in my hand like I used to.
I approached the door and looked at it. I never used to ring the doorbell, but it hadn't been because we would just walk into each other's houses. I hadn't ever rung the doorbell because I was an extremely short child and couldn't reach it. Hesitantly I tapped my knuckles against the hard wood of the front door and waited for a reply.
After only moments of standing in front of the door waiting, it swung open and small boy stood there looking up at me curiosity in his eyes. My breath caught in my throat and I'm sure that my mouth dropped open in shock. The boy standing in front of e looked exactly how Brett had looked the last time I had seen him.
"Hello!" he said happily as a grin spread across his small face all curiosity gone.
"Uh, hi, is, uh, Brett here?" I asked still stunned by the fact that as far as I knew my childhood best friend hadn't grown any in the past ten years.
"BRETT!" he called over his shoulder into the house. "THE DOOR IS FOR YOU! IT'S A GIRL!" he stopped hollering turned to face me and the gasped in a breath after having not taken a breath between his yelling.
Moments later a larger version of the boy standing in front of me walked up and tilted his head to the side, his eyes held the same curiosity the younger version's eyes had held only moments ago.
"Can I help you?" he asked leaning against the door frame ever so casually. I looked him up and down, then turned my attention to the boy standing beside him and looked him up and down. How could this boy look so much like the Brett I had known all those years ago?
"Uh, I'm not sure exactly," I said not really sure what I had come to say. All I could think of was the last time I was here, when we were both seven. I then recalled the picture I had brought with me. I reached into my purse and pulled it out glancing at it before I handed it to him. In the picture were two seven year old kids. One a boy the other a girl, they were Brett and I. The picture was taken the same day that I hit my home run. I was wearing my pink baseball cap, dirty blue jean shorts, the pair I had always worn when I play baseball, a light purple tank top, and my ridiculous looking light up sneakers.
Brett was wearing a similar baseball cap, only his was a dark blue, we had bought them for each other when we were six, a couple days after he convinced me to play catch with him. He was also wearing dirty blue jean shorts, only his were much longer than mine, and he had on an orange shirt, and sneakers that were not of the light up variety.
We both wore matching grins, it was after all the first day that the boys were going to let me play baseball with them, and Brett and I had been ecstatic. My aunt had insisted on taking our picture. I didn't mind though. Our hands were both clasping my baseball bat, with our other hands holding our gloves. You could tell that we were on our way to play.
"What's this?" he asked taking the picture from me and looking at it. "Where did you get this?" He looked up from the picture in his hands, not realizing that I was the girl in the picture next to him.
The younger boy reached up and snatched the photograph from Brett's hands and scanned it thoroughly with his eyes. He then looked up at me and then at Brett. "This is me!" he said excitedly shoving the picture up so that Brett could see.
Brett looked down at the boy and grinned. "No bud," he said grabbing the picture with one hand and ruffling the boy's hair with the other. "That's me."
Brett looked at me and cocked an eyebrow; the curious look was back in his eyes. "Where did you get this?" he repeated, only then did I realize that I hadn't answered his question initially.
I took a step back and looked up at him, remembering only then that the last time I had seen him we had been the same height. Now he was at least six inches taller than me. "It's mine," I said as I looked down at the picture in his hands. "My aunt sent it to me a couple years ago in a birthday card." It was true, I had opened the card expecting money to fall out, this always happened when I opened birthday cards, but instead the picture fell out. It was more valuable to me than money was anyway. She had included a note that said 'I thought that you would make better use of this than me.' I had thought she was crazy at the time, sure it was a nice picture, and it reminded me of the summers I spent at her house, but what uses does a photograph fulfill?
"Why would your aunt send you a picture of me in a birthday card?" Brett asked still not clueing in to the fact that I too, was in the picture. I grinned up at him, and then my smile faltered. He didn't remember me.
I reached out my hand and took the picture from him shoving it back in my purse. "Never mind," I said speaking through the lump in my throat. "I have to go." I took a step back and then turned and left Brett and the boy I was assuming to be his brother, behind.
I had been at my aunt's house for two weeks, and it was everything that I remembered and more. I couldn't recall ever feeling more at home than I did her in house, and it was nice to be back. I hadn't seen Brett since the day that I went to his house, the first day that I got to Russell, but I didn't mind anymore. For the first couple days I sat in the house and waited by the phone hoping for it to ring, hoping he would remember. But after several days of me waiting my aunt got tired of me being a bum and decided we would have some fun.
"Honey!" she called up to me from where she was making waffles in the kitchen. I had gone upstairs to shower after we had mixed the waffle batter. "Your breakfast is ready Jenna."
I had just stepped out of the bathroom, after showering and doing my morning routine. Which included getting dressed, blow drying my hair, and putting on my makeup. "I'll be down in a minute," I called back to her as I walked down the hall to my bedroom. The same bedroom I had stayed in when I was seven, it even looked the same as when I left it. The walls were still a light purple color to match the quilt that rested happily on the single bed; there was a dresser across from the bed, and beside the bed the window, with a nice sized window seat.
"Alright dear, no rush," she called back. I set my toiletries bag down on top of the dresser and then headed downstairs to enjoy the waffles we had made.
Several weeks later I woke up early and got ready, planning on heading out for a walk around the neighborhood. I had secretly put my phone in the pocket of my jean shorts so I could text my best friend Natalie, who was still in Denver. My Aunt Candace didn't approve of cell phones, so I wasn't allowed to use it, but I was going into best friend withdraw, so I had secretly plugged my phone into the charger the night before so it would be all ready for a nice day of texting and went to bed excited about the thought of talking to my best friend after roughly four weeks of not a single word.
After I was a safe distance away from my aunt's house, I flipped open my phone and looked at the screensaver. I had taken a picture of the photograph of Brett and me and had set it as the screensaver on my phone. When I had first gotten the picture several years ago and ever since then, every time I looked at the photo of Brett and me it brought a smile to my face. Now though, as I looked at our smiling faces, I couldn't help but feel sad. I couldn't bear the thought that he didn't remember me.
I quickly navigated away from the main screen and clicked on the button that would allow me to send Natalie a text.
Hey Nat, sorry I haven't texted in such a long time. Aunt doesn't believe in cells.
I quickly sent the message and then set the ringer to vibrate so I would know when she answered me back. I slipped the phone back into my pocket and continued walking along the sidewalk, not really going anywhere. I was just walking.
I had left a note on the counter telling my aunt that I was going for a walk and that I would be back later. I hadn't given a specific time, something my mom would have yelled at me for, but I didn't think that Aunt Candace would mind.
After a couple blocks of walking I finally felt my phone vibrate a couple times in my pocket. I retrieved it quickly and read over the message I had just received.
No biggie, I've been pretty busy. How are things going?
I read her message twice before responding. I wasn't exactly sure how things were going. Aunt Candace and I had been having a great time; it was so nice to catch up with her, she was so fun, and was always thinking of different activities for us to do.
Things are good, haven't talked to Brett though. How are things going for you?
I sighed when I pressed send; I had told Natalie all about Brett when I told her that I would be spending my summer in Russell. She had been sure that the moment he saw me the fireworks would go off and we would spend the rest of the summer together. But of course, things never actually happened like we imagined. My summer vacation was already over half finished, and I hadn't even seen Brett since my first day. I would be leaving in a little more than a week for Denver, so I would have time to get ready for classes.
My phone buzzed again and I plucked it out of my pocket once more, reading the message on the screen as I walked. I wasn't paying much attention to where I was going.
I'm sorry babe; I know how much you wanted things to work out. But look on the bright side, Trent was asking about you the other day, wondering when you were getting back ;)
I read and reread the message on the tiny screen scrolling up and down. Trent had secretly been crushing on me for the last two months of school. Or at least he thought that he was secretly crushing on me. I had of course found out a week after he mentioned it to someone, but out of common courtesy and the fact that I didn't want him to know that I didn't feel like that about him, I hadn't mentioned that I knew.
Natalie of course, knew that I didn't like Trent; she was only trying to make me feel better. She had of course succeeded, hearing that made me smile brightly, Natalie and I were always joking around about Trent. Reading his name brought back fond memories of Natalie and I doubled over laughing about some thing or another that he had done to try and catch my attention.
I pressed the reply button on my cell ready to type back a witty comment about how much I couldn't wait to see Trent, when I ran into something hard. My phone flew from my hands and I stumbled over falling down onto my hands and knees. I looked over and saw my phone on the grass beside the sidewalk. I sighed in relief that it hadn't fallen on the cement. My old phone had broken because I dropped it.
I then noticed a pair of feet in front of me. I pushed myself up off the ground and looked up at the person I had just run into. "I am so sorry," I said just before I looked up to see his face. When I did my breath caught in my throat, standing before me a crooked grin on his gorgeous face was Brett.
"It's no problem," he said bending down to pick up my fallen phone. "I believe this is yours," he said handing it back to me.
I took it from his hands and smiled. "Yeah, I guess it is," I slipped it into my pocket, forgetting all about answering Natalie back, she could wait. "I'm Jenna," I said holding out my hand for him to shake.
He looked down at my outstretched hand but did not touch it. I knit my eyebrows together in confusion and looked into his eyes, trying to read his expression. "I know who you are, Jenna." He said still not taking my hand.
I dropped it down to my side and my previously knit together eyebrows went up in shock. He knew who I was, he remembered me!
"You're the girl who came to my house a couple weeks ago with a photo of me from when I was like, seven." He said grinning down at me.
I felt my face fall when he said this; he didn't remember me from when we were seven. He only remembered me from coming to his house. I couldn't believe it. "Uh, yeah, that was me." I said trying to keep my face from looking upset. "Well, I have to go, see you around." I stepped to the left and walked past him hurrying to get away from him so I wouldn't embarrass myself anymore.
A week had passed since my encounter with Brett and I hadn't seen him once since. I didn't actually mind anymore though, I was way too embarrassed about how are last meeting had gone to think about seeing him again.
I was kind of upset about not seeing him again though, I was going back to Denver tomorrow, my bags were already packed and ready to go. My summer in Russell seemed to have sped by, I felt like I had only been here for at most a week, and it was now my last night here.
I sighed and looked around my small purple bedroom that I had missed so much over the past ten years.
"Baby," my Aunt Candace's voice floated into my room from in the hallway. "Are your things all packed dear? I don't want you to be running around tomorrow morning frantically trying to get everything ready." She said as she poked her head into my room.
"Yeah, I just finished zipping up my last bag," I said motioning towards the suitcases that rested in front of my dresser.
"That's good, honey," she said backing away from my room. "I'm going to go to bed now sweetie, I'll see you in the morning, alright?"
"Okay, goodnight Auntie Candace," I said to my retreating aunt. "I think I might go for a walk if that's alright with you."
I could hear the footsteps halt as she heard this. "Jenna, honey, don't be out too long, it's almost 10:00 pm, and I don't want you to be too tired for driving tomorrow."
"Don't worry, I won't be long at all," I said as I heard her continue down the hall to her bedroom. I unzipped the suitcase that I had just finished packing and pulled a hoodie out of it, so that I wouldn't be cold on my walk. I still wore a pair of short jean shorts though; it was still summer after all.
I left my aunt's house glancing at the clock on the wall just before exiting; it read 9:56pm. I sighed, my summer in Russell was almost over, and I was going back to the worst place ever, Denver.
I walked down the same sidewalk I had walked down last week when I bumped into Brett, wishing that I could have told him who I was, but he obviously didn't remember me.
As I walked I looked at the beautiful town, I loved it here, especially at night, you could actually see stars, unlike in the city, on the rare occasion you could see a couple, but not like this. I don't think I had ever seen so many stars in my life.
I hadn't really been planning on walking anywhere specific, I just wanted to get out of the house, I wasn't tired, and there wasn't anything to do there. After walking for about ten minutes, not really paying attention to where I was, or where I was going I stopped dead in my tracks, my surroundings becoming oddly familiar.
I was just outside the baseball park, the same place I had hit my home run. I quickly turned and walked up to the old rusted fence and looked at the field before me. It looked the same, although everything was a lot darker, I had never been allowed out at night when I was seven.
Moving towards the opening in the fence I made my way to the home plate and stood where the base should be. I closed my eyes, and pictures of that day flashed before me, everything came back so vividly, it was like watching a movie of my life. I began walking the bases, just as in my memory my seven year old self began to run around them.
I walked with my eyes open but the picture of me running the bases was just as vivid as it would have been if my eyes were closed. I made it back to the home plate just moments after my seven year old self did and I closed my eyes, remembering the great feeling I had when my light up sneaker pounded against the last base.
It had been the best moment of my life up until then, I had been so happy. My eyes were still closed when I heard footsteps approaching me, and I instantly tensed up. Someone was here, and I was alone with nothing that I would be able to use to protect myself from whoever was slowly coming towards me.
I opened my eyes and there standing before me was Brett, his light green eyes sparkling in the dim light coming from the street light a little ways away. I gasped when I saw him, and then sighed with relief because he wasn't a psycho that would be coming to kill me.
"Hey, Jenna," he said nodding at me as he stopped only feet away from where I stood.
"Hey Brett," I said back looking into his green eyes, the same green eyes that had seemed so sad the last day I was here when I was seven. How could he not remember me? "What are you doing here?"
He laughed at me as he shook his head. "I could ask you the same question." He said once his laughter stopped.
I loved his laugh, it was much different now than it had been when we were younger, but it still made me smile. "I promised you I'd come back," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, I wouldn't have been shocked if he hadn't heard me, but somehow he did.
"What did you just say?" he asked incredulously, "I don't recall you promising me anything."
I sighed, of course he didn't remember my promise; he didn't even remember me. "I don't expect you to remember, you seem to have forgotten a lot." I said, disappointment filling my voice.
He shook his head at me, and it almost seemed like he was disappointed in me, and then he put his hand behind his back and pulled something from his back pocket. He held it out in his outstretched had for me to see.
I couldn't believe what I saw him holding, "Where did you get that?" I asked him. He was holding the pink hat that I was wearing in the picture, the pink hat that had flown off my head as I ran around the bases. I moved closer to him my hand outstretched as I reached for my old pink baseball cap. My mouth curled into a small smile as I touched the familiar fabric of the worn out hat. It had been my favorite; I used to wear it all the time.
"Jenny?" he finally said breaking the silence, as he dropped his hands down to his sides, the hat still in his grip. "Is it really you?"
I nodded to him, my small smile growing bigger and bigger. "I thought you forgot about me, Bretty." I said looking down at my feet.
He came closer to me and then pulled me into a hug, "Jenna, I could never forget you," he said as he rubbed my back and placed a kiss on my head.
"But you didn't remember me when I came to your house, or when we bumped into each other on the sidewalk." I said wrapping my arms around him too.
"Jenna, it's been ten years, you don't look anything like you did back when we were seven, it didn't even click in that you could be here until my mom mentioned that you had come in to visit Candace," he said still holding me in his warm arms. I breathed in his sweet smell, and nodded against his chest.
"I guess I never really thought about me being different, I thought that you would have just known it was me right off the bat." I said my voice slightly muffled by his chest.
"Well, if it counts at all, the moment my mom said that you were here I knew that you had been the one who came to my house, and I also knew that you were the girl who ran into me last week." He laughed when he said this, and I pulled back from him, to get a good look at his smiling face.
"Brett, I missed you so much," I said as he looked me in the eyes. "I'm sorry that I didn't come back sooner, I wish that I had, but my mom wouldn't let me."
"Jenna, it's okay, you're here now, and that's all that matters." He moved his hands to my head and slowly put my pink ball cap on me.
"I can't believe that you kept this thing all these years," I said bringing my hand to my head to touch the baseball cap that was now resting on it.
He smiled hugely at me and shook his head from side to side. "I can't believe it still fits you," he said chuckling to himself.
I moved my hand down and hit him playfully on the shoulder; I have to admit it is kind of funny that the hat still fits me. "You haven't changed, you know that?"
"And with that hat on, it's almost like you haven't changed either," he said looking down at me, his eyes almost glowing in the pale light. "I can't believe that you're actually here, Jenny." He said as he pulled me into him again. "Did you know that at the beginning of each summer for about five years after you left I would go to your Aunt's house to check if you had come?"
"I wish I could have come sooner," I said loving the feeling of being wrapped up in his strong arms. "I also wish that you had realized who I was sooner." I said this so softly, I'm not sure if I wanted him to hear it or not, but in any case, he did.
"Why do you wish that? I've realized now, isn't that good enough?" He pushed me away from him and held my shoulders looking deeply into my eyes.
"Brett," I whispered holding his gaze, although I could feel my eyes prickling, warning me of the soon to come tears. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning." I pulled away from him, and turned towards the entrance of the baseball field. "I'm going to go now," I managed to choke out those five words before my tears came, but then I started to cry.
"Jenna," he said as he wrapped his arms around me again, he then turned me to face him. "I don't want you to go." He whispered as he brought his hand to my chin and tilted my face up.
"I don't either," I whispered back just before he pressed his lips lightly against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and could feel myself smiling into his lips as he pulled me closer to him. It seemed as though the best moments of my life happened on this baseball field.