She Wants Him

She looks at him from across the room. He looks up and catches her staring. She can't break away from him. She misses him. She wants him. He doesn't deserve her, and she knows that. She could do a lot better and she knows that too. She still wants him. He doesn't know is that he was her first love. He destroyed her. He didn't believe her when she said "I Love you". He said it back. She knew he didn't mean it and she knew he never would.

He never loved her. Sure, he gave it a try. Maybe he did love her. He didn't know. He didn't understand why she wanted him. He thought he was messed up. He didn't know she wanted him for who he was. He was losing her. He wanted someone to care. He wants someone to care for him. He doesn't know he has friends that would do just about anything for him. He hurts inside every day. She knows that and it's killing her.

He glances away and cracks a joke to a friend as he always does. She keeps looking at him as tears brim her eyes. She fights them, they go away. Her friends are laughing and joking around. Once again she gets up on her two feet, puts on a fake but convincing smile, and hides away her pain. She doesn't want to be weak. She is weak though and she tries to be strong. She laughs with her friends shoving her pain to the side for later. She is confused. She doesn't want to be hurt again. So she puts up a wall for boys. She doesn't want to be with another boy. She wants to move on and love again. She knows it isn't that easy. She wonders what he is thinking. He is probably thinking about the other girl. The one he once trusted.

He cracks yet another joke to his friends hiding his pain. He can't get his mind off of her. The girl he once trusted. Why didn't she love him? He wanted her more than anything. She didn't care. But someone else did. But she wasn't what he wanted. Not anymore. He wanted the girl who was his best friend. He missed her, needed her, and loved her with every part of him. But she never felt that way towards him. He hurt in more ways than some people could imagine. He wanted to be freed from it. He wanted to be dead. If he was dead, everything would be okay

Her friends were heading for the door, and as she followed him she thought about her first love. She knew she had to move on. So she stopped at the door and turned around. She stared straight into his eyes and then she did something she had wanted to do for a long time. She kissed him. It was quick but she felt that 'jolt' go through her body one last time. Then she said "Goodbye"

And she meant it. She was moving forward. It was going to be hard. But she had to do it. For now she would just love her friends. Then maybe one day she would love again. She walked out the door smiling as a tear rolled down her cheek. That was only the beginning of the end of her first love. She kept her head up and smiled to her friends and wiped away her few tears that had fallen. She walked on past her friends, down the sidewalk, and across the street. She left him standing on the doorstep confused. She didn't look back. She cried all the way home but she was smiling the whole time. She was home.

She was living again.


A/N: This is something I wrote a long time ago. It was about my first "broken heart". I wrote it because, well, isn't it obvious? I was just sad and needed a way to cope. I eventually moved on and I hold no feelings for that boy in my heart today. Nor will I ever again. Of course, I just ran off to find myself another broken heart. Blah. It's making me bitter, no? :)