Strange And Beautiful.

This is a songfic with the song Aqualung's Strange and Beautiful.

D/C. I don't own the song. Aqualung does. It'll be in italics.

My name is Jenna…..Jenna Loja.

My parents were Joshua and Marie Loja.

I have a little brother, Jordan, as you can tell my mom really likes J names.

And I am one of the most pathetic people in the world, want to know why?

Because I loved him….I love someone who wouldn't even look at me, and wouldn't ever love me. See why I think its pathetic is that I shouldn't be in love at all, I am a senior in high school, I got two great best friends, Lindsey and Kelly, and a loving family and I have a great future in becoming a doctor, yet I fell in love with him.

He being Brian Reynolds the hottest popular guy In school, and poor old me with my worn mud brown hair, light brown eyes, big brained me fell in love with him.

It wasn't his beautiful gray eyes, or his beautiful black hair, or that amazing light tan of his, or his happy nice guy personality, or his intelligent perspective of the world. It was that underneath it all he was hurting, killing himself slowly and I'm the only one that can see it.

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.

I keep falling apart in my room, running up the stairs after school, not to cry my eyes out but to tear myself apart with my mind, and as it examines my memories of Brian like a brain or a new disease to discover. I just can't do it, some of the time and in my bed I look up at my ceiling and wonder why I'm the only one that can notice that Brian's killing himself inside, because somewhere, some place in his life isn't as perfect as everyone wants it to be, wants to see it as. I keep wondering what it is, what is happening to him to make him fall apart like glass, I keep trying to understand him, and watch him all the time in the three classes we have with each other and lunch when he's with all his friends but I can't see it, but I will find out…. I will even if it kills me….

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I mean you had your girlfriend the beautiful friendly caring Jasmine, but I can see that you know that you don't want her, you don't love her, ohh Brian why can't you see me?

There are plenty of girls running after you like dogs yet I would be the one that is in the corner looking at you without the pressures of the world, and I know who you really are.

You don't even understand that I'm there do you? I would be there for you everyday, watching you, trying to figure out what makes you sad and happy. I wish I could cry but I can't seem to anymore because I keep hopping that you will finally see me. I saw you today in the hall, I had been walking with my bathroom pass in hand, and you were right there, of course you didn't see me but there you were your eyes looked sad as you stared at a old picture, that was worn and torn at the edges, I finally understood that you had lost someone, someone you loved just like how I love you and it's breaking me inside just like it's breaking you. My breathing was soft as I watched you, and pained sadness drifted in and out of your face, I stepped two loudly and just like that your face went expressionless like a blank paper. You said "Who's there?" I didn't say anything.

Then you yelled "Who's there?" I could hear the suspicion in your voice.

I didn't have it in me to be let down, I wanted to go to you, wanted to tell you, but I was just so afraid, of what might happen that I just walked away but not before whispering, "I love you, Brian, and you'll never know who I am, never care that I care that your sad, and I'm sorry that you'll never see me, never meet me."

I didn't care if you heard me or not, just ran away as quietly as I could, trying not to let the tears fall…. Trying not to break into pieces, not to run back and tell you yell I love you at the top of my lungs like I wanted to, I kept telling myself its better this way.

This way I won't be hurt even more, and you can find someone better then me or anyone else here at Northern Woods High School…

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.

Yeah...
Yeah...

I want to save you, with a simple smile and make you laugh, I want to make you feel better even though your crying, and let you talk to me about your hopes and dreams, but I can't let you be stuck with me, and even if I wanted to show you what you meant to me, I know you would never love me. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

After that meeting of silence in the hall, you were distracted, wouldn't even talk to your friends, and you kept looking for something, I was almost afraid you heard my whispered confession, my whispered goodbye. I was terrified that you had heard me, so I kept away from you but I still watched you from afar like I always have, like a silent watcher.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

I even know the exact time it started this burning in my heart and the butterflies in my stomach, it was in the beginning of sophomore year, i had never even met you all my freshmen year, but in my English class suddenly out of nowhere in the middle of class you came in with a note for the teacher Ms. Lumbreg, I had never met you before then even though we were in the same year, you took different classes then me that year,

Your eyes shined and glimmered in the sunlight and you smiled at Ms. Lumbreg before giving her the note and in that moment I knew I was gone. I had this feeling of aching in my heart and I didn't even have to hear your voice and my heart skipped a beat, my palms started to sweat, and I couldn't stop staring at you, and just then your eyes caught mine before going back to Ms. Lumbreg and I could have screamed.

That note must have been something urgent because Ms. Lumbreg said to us "Alright Class I have to leave but you still need to read chapter 12 on Life of Celera, I will be back shortly. You had better behave. Thank you Mr. Reynolds you may go back to class."

And just like that you left and everyone went wild talking about what that not might have been, while I was pondering why I was feeling like this, I was no love stuck school girl, but what were these strange feelings. From then on I paid you more attention and that's when I started to see your sadness, I couldn't help my feelings, and I just didn't know what to do.

I couldn't help but question if I was leading myself on at the beginning but as time passed I learned more and more about you just by watching you, and I know that you probably don't remember that first time we saw each other but I did, and what scares me the most is that I may never be able to break pass this love, and I will never be able to move on.

Sometimes I wish that the fantasy i had in my head of us being together was real, Sometimes I can't help but love you more everyday and I hate myself for it.

I just want to hold tighter the love that is breaking who I am.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me.

You keep looking for me, everyday for the past four months, and now I'm three months from never seeing you again. I wake up to the fact that everyone I love is starting to finally notice that something is terribly wrong, that I'm not the same Jenna anymore, but a more broken Jenna now. Why can't you see me? Even though your looking it just hasn't been hard enough has it. I was so close to telling you today, after you broke up with Jasmine because she knew you would never love her. That fight was epic as it went down in the middle of the lunch room.

You asked Jasmine "What's wrong, Baby?" I flinched at the nickname.

Jasmine was glaring at you. " What's wrong with me? What's Wrong With me? What's Wrong with you, Brian? Why aren't you talking to me anymore? Its like you don't even want to be in this relationship anymore." She yelled at him, wow who knew nice Jasmine was a such a Banshee.

He looked at her like he had never seen her before, "What do you mean I haven't been talking to you, I talk to you all the time?"

"Yes at school but what about not at school, you don't call me anymore, you hardly take me out on dates and your distracted and not doing anything with me, I mean come on half the time you don't even notice me or your friends, what's happening to you Brian?" I felt like saying to her that you finally noticed, that your boyfriend is in pain bitch. I wanted to slap her so badly.

"Nothing is happening to me, Jasmine. I just haven't been myself lately."

"SO that's your excuse, I'm your girlfriend your supposed to be there for me." In a whining bitchy tone of voice.

You just watched her for awhile before finally getting up and saying "You know what Jasmine Were DONE, You are no longer my girlfriend go find someone else to be there for you." And just like that the golden couple of Northern Woods High School was Done.

I laughed quietly at Jasmine's lost look as you walked out of the lunch room, and felt like following you, but had the feeling that I wasn't going to be welcomed.

I wanted to be happy that maybe I might have a chance, but I knew in my heart that I would never be able to get up and say anything to you.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep 'cos I'll put a spell on you,
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realize that you love me, yeah...

You walked past me in the hall, and heard me say something to Kelly, and at that moment I knew that you knew that it was me and I ran like the coward I was and will always be, you just looked after me shocked as I turned into the next corner.

I was terrified to find you in front of my house when I drove in with my car, I debated running away again, but I needed to know in my heart that I tried at least once to tell you how I feel. I walked up to you with a solemn expression.

You said something first " Hi Jenna,"

"Hi Brian. What are you doing here?" Going for the innocent route, looking up at you.

A question of unsure entered your eyes before they became determined. You said "I know it was you." Coward that I was I tried to brush past you but you pulled me back to face you.

Turning my head to the side I said "Know that I was Who?" I couldn't help that I didn't want to face the facts.

You tipped my face up with your finger. "Jenna you were the one in the hall that day?"

I tried to get away from you but you held firm, finally after debating with myself for a few moments I said "Maybe."

"Did you mean it? All the things you said about loving me?"…

Yeah...
yeah...

What if I did.

"What if I did?"

"Did you?"

I braced myself as I met his eyes, maybe just maybe it would be worth it.

"Yes." I said it.

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything."

He went to kiss me, I went to kiss him our lips met, and then I heard a beeping going on in my ear, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and then I woke up…In my bed….

…With No Brian…And No Kiss….

It was all a dream.

Just a stupid fucking dream.

I started to cry as I sat up in my bed looking out my window into the blue sky, and I felt my heart spasm in pain. The tears made me hate myself even more. Did I forget that the dreams were the worst, out of everything. I hate my dreams, because in the end you have to wake up from the fantasy, into reality, and in this reality Brian would never love me.

Yeah...
yeah...

The End.

Hope you liked it. Surprise sad ending I guess, I didn't want this to be a happy story, because the song isn't a happy song really, more like someone morning the fact that their in love I guess. I love reviews so give me some please. Again this is just my first thing I have posted on here soo be nice.